Blessings in the mess....

So yesterday morning I kissed my awesome husband goodbye as he went off to an undisclosed place to do some secret undisclosed work.  I love his job.  I love telling people about his job.  I love flashing his badge to people as though I AM his job as well.  But when he goes out of town, even for the smallest amount of time, (he's supposed to be back later this evening) I get crazy cranky.  I used to be far worse, and those times when he has to be gone for weeks at a time- I still get crazy cranky.  Thank goodness he never went into the military because, God bless those moms/dads who deal with spouses being gone for a year at a time.  I would be in a padded cell wearing a cozy straight jacket if he did... ;)

So he left at 7 yesterday morning and my little Kiki woke up with a mad fever shortly after.  I really didn't think anything of it at first- got her naked, trying to cool her off naturally, had my oldest feed her breakfast, which she ate most of, and I ran around dropping kids off here and there at their perspective summer activities.  I gave her a dose of Tylenol after she ate when I felt her again, and she still felt burning hot.  Kids get fevers.  I generally don't get freaked out immediately by them-it means their bodies are fighting an infection, which also means their bodies are working- so the older I've gotten, the less panicked I've also gotten-which is good because we can't afford to run to the doctor with every fever- and really, my kids are rarely sick, although this year has been a doozy as far as multiple illnesses go.

So her temp came down to 100.4 after two hours on the Tylenol, but it began to creep back up by lunch time.  I wasn't too worried- but I did notice a strange flat rash on her chest and back and thought it was not necessarily hand, foot, mouth, because that's usually on your hands/feet/mouth (duh!) but there were some smaller rash like spots on her feet and hands.  She went down for her nap by noon and I tried to call the clinic.  Of course, an immediate recording said the nurses were either at professional development or unavailable and please call back.

Ok, little word to the wise.  When you tell a mother of six children, who is pregnant with her seventh child to "call back?"  You may have just told her you'll talk to her in six months.  Cause once I hung up, lost that mental note inside the giant, vast, empty brain of mine, it was literally gone.  GONE!  Until she woke up at 3:00pm ON FIRE again.  I mean, her little body was so hot it freaked me out.  I have never witnessed a fever seizure, but that one made me panic into thinking it was coming.

It was only 103.1. (I say that because I've actually had kids have 105 temps before.)  I gave her another dose of Tylenol.  I called the nurses back, who informed me that the next available was 8:15 PM!  At least they fit her in the evening.   2 1/2 hours LATER after constant crying and moaning, I finally caved and gave her Motrin.  Please don't tell the child and human services, because I KNOW I didn't wait until the appropriate time, but I still had to wait until she was seen by the doctor and there was no consoling this child.  Literally, 20 minutes after the Motrin she calmed down.  She was actually perky and smiling and even eating a few crackers and taking a few sips of milk.

By 7:30 I decided to head over to the clinic and take my chances are getting in earlier.  We did!  The doctor was super nice, she was already getting a bit of her fever back and she suspected something other than just a fever thing as well with the rash on her feet and hands and when she looked in her poor mouth, it was full of blisters.  Yep.  Hand, foot, mouth disease, which is apparently really, REALLY bad this year.  "These are painful blisters," she said.  It's what causes them to not eat/drink.  GREAT.  So as in good mom fashion, I brought her home, tried to give her more drink, Popsicle, anything, but she wouldn't touch it.  She was past the point of happy, and we still had SEVERAL hours before her next dose of Motrin could be administered and I had already given her Tylenol several times that day, so.....  My plan was to set the alarm for midnite and check her temp.

I went to bed after checking her and thought, she didn't seem too hot, I'll just check her when I wake up for one of my MILLION bathroom treks.  That didn't happen until 1:30AM and when I went in there, she was a flaming ball of fire.  And she only had a onesie on, so she was as cool as she could be-but that fever was raging.  AND she was awake.  Just sucking the life out of her pacifier like it was her lifeline.  I felt horrible.  I ran downstairs and grabbed the Motrin and proceeded to give her the dose and then make 20 trips back and forth from the bathroom to her room filling the dropper with water as that was the only way she would drink.  I'll take anything at this point.  She cooled off, even though it took a while for her to settle down, and is actually still sleeping now.

Meanwhile, my kids went on a bleach cleaning spree last night.  Little do they realize they may have been the carrier for this-my 14 year old did all kinds of research and freaked the rest of us out by telling us you can actually carry the virus even AFTER you're physically better for WEEKS!  AND SPREAD IT!!!!  Guess I won't be going out until after school starts.

One silver lining in all of this I could find, because I am actually trying to find the good in the things that bring me down and once the sun came up this morning, I could see a little more clearly, is that God's hand was once again, in all of this.  First of all, they were calling for horrible storms all day yesterday.  We didn't go to the library because we didn't want to get stuck in one, and there were some good rain dumpers during the day, but then it looked like there were going to be some really bad ones-that had slight risks for tornadoes.  I was really nervous about the thought of one, leaving my kids during a storm, and two, driving and getting out during a storm!  (seriously, after going through several tornadoes in my short life span in Arkansas, you don't go ANYWHERE but the inside of your house when those threats come!)  But God once again showed His hand and I SAW it!  It rained pretty good and was crazy windy, and the weather channel was showing severe storms, etc, lots of warnings, but all of the sudden, the rain stopped, it cleared up, and the sun came out!  It  turned out to be a really beautiful evening!  At least where I live.  There were some deadly storms in NY and PA and several people lost their lives, God rest their souls.

I couldn't believe how perfect the evening went, looking back.  Of course, by the time I got home, crawled into bed and laid there thinking of the day, I felt defeated.  It's amazing how much more clear things become in the morning.  Thankfully!  I am blessed.  Probably more than I deserve, and I am grateful.

Mental melt down and other crazy stuff...

Last night I think the last almost 10 weeks finally caught up to me.  All my worries, fears, anxiety issues, health issues all decided in one fell swoop to completely melt down together.  I mean, literally, I became a big ball of tears and cried like a baby to the most awesome, gorgeous, husband I could ever be blessed with.  It seems, according to my amazing husband, that I've been extremely tense the last 5 weeks (that would be about the time I realized I might be going through menopause (aka potential pregnancy).  I think it was providential this message came to me when it did.

God made that amazing man just for me.  I know He has molded our relationship together and knitted it so strongly against the forces of evil that I have no doubt this man will love me until the day he dies.

He's been a trooper through my mental issues lately but it's been getting worse- for multiple reasons.  The nausea, the bloated 5 month looking belly I have, the lack of certain little humans who live in this house with us who never help me pick up or put up things, the thought of other people finding out we're pregnant, losing this baby, you name it, my worries were stacking up.  Big time.  No faith here.  Totally forgetting about God and all He has done for me and completely just trusting in myself.  That always works.  You'd think I'd remember that it.really.doesn't.

Well, last night, we came to a massive blow up.  No yelling and screaming, but he was very truthful to me about what my crazy was doing to the rest of the family, most especially him.  I was making him get upset.  He doesn't like to get upset and especially doesn't like to get upset with me.  I was at a breaking point myself and finally, when he voiced his concerns for me, our relationship, our family, I lost it!  I'm guessing it was 10 weeks of tears falling over every little concern, fear, anxiety I've felt this entire time.  He told me how much he loved me and how I was his best friend in the whole world and how I needed some girlfriend time desperately.  (he's right- I've not seen my friends in weeks).

But what most of all came from the meltdown was the fact I was able to put into words all my fears and say them out loud.  Sometimes I think holding my fears, concerns, thoughts inside can begin to weigh me down and drag me to a point of no return.  I was definitely on that path.

I cried the hardest when I admitted how pathetic I felt about worrying what others will say about us.  The worst thing I worry about is what others will think.  As though the hateful, misguided, totally unfiltered words of others determine who I am.  He said, "Who cares?"  I really think it was a pivotal moment for me.  Why do I care what others will say?  Why does it bother me that people will say anything at all?  Good grief- people have been saying cruel (and at times extremely cruel things) since we started this journey.  Why would finding out we're having another baby now make it any different?

Not a thing.

People are going to talk.  They're going to laugh.  Shoot, they're going to condemn.  (already been there done that one a few babies ago, so really shouldn't be too surprised when it does come).

But I guess I've always been someone who wears their heart on their sleeve.  I don't like to be made fun of and I certainly don't like knowing people are going to talk, and probably behind my back as they shake their heads in dismay and speak about how sad it is I've let myself get pregnant and what is our Earth to do with all the already unwanted children, and how can we keep feeding people who are starving when people like me keep reproducing, and what about that huge carbon print I'm leaving that will continue the global warming, or cooling, or climate change, or whatever trendy word they come up with next because they can't really explain how that hole in the ozone hasn't changed, and oops, might have always been there comments.....

It makes my heart hurt thinking I'm causing scandal.  I don't want to be the reason people gossip.  Gossip is sin.  Talking about others in an unkind manner and saying things about a person you could never say to their face is extremely wrong.  I am guilty of it myself, so the fact that I'm now a cause of it, hurts my heart.  I don't want others to be negative.  I don't know why people feel it's their duty to explain things to me and tell me how they could never have more than two children, as though it would be impossible for anyone ELSE in this world to have more than two children.  I sometimes forget the whole "fool for Christ" thing and I let things get to me and I get upset.

I have to let these things go.  And remind myself of what is most important.

There's a little human person growing inside of me who is over one inch long and growing and changing so rapidly now that I can't wait to meet.  That is what is important.

The people who say the ugly things (like my eye doctor who said, "Can I give you some advice?  Keep your legs together?" I imagine he's never been sued before, or he might learn some socially acceptable behavior...) are really not important.  The people who stare and laugh and make jokes about how we haven't figured out what causes this?  Are not important.  The people who make themselves feel better for whatever reason by poking fun at us?  Are not important.

What is important?
This little peanut, silently growing, heartbeat strong, causing my body to morph and change (yes, compression stockings, sea bands, early maternity wearing me) as he/she is knitted in my womb.

The only person I need to be worried about is a Divine God of the Universe.  Who knit me in my mother's womb and is now working on me as a potter does with clay.  Forming me into the person He created me to be.  Praising and rejoicing at my willingness to be a fool for Him.  Surrounding me with good and holy people that make me want to be a good and holy person.  Giving me the words of Eternal life and the Bread of Eternal Life.

That's what is important.

I came across this blog this morning as I perused my facebook page when it was super quiet and no one was up.  This mom is here in WNY and quite frankly, is one of the most hilarious bloggers in the world.  I laugh almost every time I read her, except when she's saying serious stuff, but even then I laugh because she manages to put such a funny spin on things- she's very inspiring and makes me feel as though I'm not alone in this massive world where people who worship an invisible God and believe He created this incredible Universe are not deemed as crazy.  Anyway, her post today made me smile and I know it was a grace to stumble upon it today after all my mental mess last night....
Enjoy.
Mama Knows Honey Child

Sea Bands and other nonsensical nonsense....

A Sea Band...

Has anyone ever seen one of those lovelies I'm sporting above?  I'm betting some of you have.  It's called a Sea Band and I'm actually sporting one on BOTH wrists.  It is supposed to press (with this little white ball) on your wrist (three fingers below the bend) on a pressure point that is supposed to help with nausea.  I must say- I felt AWFUL this morning and when I got home from the store- I put them both on (it actually says to wear both for optimal benefit) and slowly but surely I've felt decent.  I still feel queasy- but nothing, and I mean, NOTHING like I felt.  The last three days have seen my nausea take a turn for the worse, and nothing I did made it any better.  Consuming more protein, eating smaller meals, snacking frequently, eating ginger snaps (they are really quite disgusting when you buy the all natural ones without any extra CRAP in them...), nothing I did made it ok except, lying horizontally.   Again, with six children all needing something, it was next to impossible to lie horizontally all the time.  I did manage to do it quite a bit, because not only am I sporting these beasts, but pretty soon, I'll be forced to wear the thigh high, open toed compression stockings....  I will be a sight to behold.  How my husband will control himself around me, well, it's not a PG-13 thought, so I'll stop there.... ;)

So onto the other nonsense I've been battling in my brain lately.  Loneliness.  Serious loneliness.  I'm talking about a loneliness that is driving me to want to move away.  I feel like I have no friends and the more pregnant I get, the more I feel like hiding in my house under my rock.  The safe haven of my home where no one will judge me.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but my pregnancy hormones are just about that.  Ridiculous.  I convinced myself this morning that all my friends (all three of them) are going about with their lives and could gives a rats pooey about me and my pathetic sea band, compression totin self over here lying on my couch having one fab-u-lous pity party...

I can cure my loneliness by inviting myself over to anyone's house, but the way I've felt lately, I would rather just hide in my house and feel disgusting than put on a happy, I'm feeling fine face.  I am in no mood for that face at this time... ;)

But it's something I struggle with.  Loneliness.  And that has led to some serious thought about not homeschooling my now, 6th grader this fall.  I know it's what is best for her, but my sanity and depression issues, are kind of trumping that and it makes me feel worse.  Will I be able to teach her what she needs to know a whole ENTIRE school year?  Not just half a semester?  I've inquired about re-registering her for the fall at her school.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  I am in no way in any condition to make decisions at this point, but I do realize I need to.  I also need to make sure I'm really ready to move because once an opening happens and we refuse, we are on probation for two years and could potentially miss the opportunity to move back south during that probation time.  It's very hard and there's no "right or wrong" answer here.  I of course, haven't been praying enough about it.  Just having my pity parties.  Which I've almost perfected...

This is going to be short because one of the worst things is a Debbie Downer and I deal with Debbie Downers a lot, so before I join them, I'm ending this blog quickly.  Hopefully, with this nausea calming down to a point, I can once again join the realms of humanity and perhaps when I enter the second trimester (in just two in half short weeks!) I can make a rational decision....hopefully.... :)

9 weeks!

I can't believe I didn't blog after my appointment- but in all fairness- I had just said goodbye to my husband's sister and her family AND had literally an afternoon and morning to pack up 8 people, a tent and all the essential supplies to make it for a two night camping trip.   I was a bit of a crazed lunatic for 24 hours.  But we DID see the baby and I actually had my first (yes, 11 pregnancies-) ultrasound on my belly at 8 weeks and saw the heartbeat and a little one inch long Catholicmomma Baby looking perfectly snug in my belly.  (which goes to show some people that think a trans vaginal ultrasound is not necessarily the only way to show a mom her unborn baby-and really how invasive is THAT????)

Anyway- my new doctor (who works with my "old" doctor) is really awesome and she was so excited for us.  I think I gave the entire office a fabulous laugh when I told the nurse that I was probably going through menopause.  Clearly, I should have clarified this thought was just between her and I- not her, I and the ENTIRE STAFF of SISTERS HOSPITAL....

But it was ok because I think they generally like my husband and I and to be frank- it's absolutely so darn refreshing to be around people that 1) don't view you as a freak show 2) don't condemn your geriatric tail for being such an "old pregnant" lady 3) LOVE natural family planning.

So today, I'm nine weeks.  Actually, the baby was measuring as big as a nine week in utero baby last Thursday, so who know how big that little peanut is, BUT, I am sooooo sick.  I mean- seriously, I could barely stand today I felt so darn nauseous.  I know it's a "good" thing, but I'm seriously thinking about doing some of the natural things my doctor recommended.  There's this "sea band" your supposed to wear on your wrist to help with nausea- and she recommended taking B6 three times a day.  One of those has got to help because lying down horizontally all day long is simply NOT going to work this summer of band, swim lessons, volleyball, basketball, and lacrosse.  Not at all....

Here's my cute little peanut- which is a living thing- whether some believe it's human yet or perhaps alien.  It's living.  Saw his/her amazing little heartbeat- just still wows me after all these years...still.
Baby at 9 weeks....


Have a blessed restful Sunday- what's left of it!!

The Van Fam....

We've been a two van fam for about six years now.  2008, after the birth of our 5th child, we decided to trade in the Honda Passport for another Honda Odyssey mini-van.  I actually love both of my Honda Odyssey vans.  They get great gas mileage and are still somewhat socially acceptable in the world of vehicles.

Oh yes, I'm vain about my cars.  I admit it.  How pathetic am I?  Well, I'm guessing I'm not the only one who has a large family and can't WAIT for the day to get back into a four door car- when I'm too old to actually get behind the wheel and basically will be getting in to go to the nursing home....

The Newest Catholicmomma "van"

So yes, there it is.  The newest vehicle now owned by our family.  I don't know how I feel about it because while I understand that our now 8 passenger Honda mini van will no longer accommodate all of us beginning next February-there is a part of me that feels this is a rather ridiculous change and it's only going to bring MORE attention to us and I am already struggling with that element of my life.  (remember, I'm a work in progress)

I do understand that it was probably inevitable and it won't last forever but something about it makes me cringe.  I remember kids who rode in vans like this when I was a kid.  They were the "dorks" the "nerds" the large families us "normal" families made fun of.  I remember one family in particular who drove a big ole van like this and we made fun of them horribly.  I think even my parents felt sorry for them and we were always saying how "poor" they were.  Yes, says the girl who wore her neighbor's hand-me downs who was a head shorter than me.... Ironic...

Here I am.  Now driving one of those vans.  Actually, I haven't driven it and I probably won't.  For a while.  It's humongous.  It seats 15, but we'll probably take out the back row to allow for things like groceries, strollers, etc, etc.  My kids are ecstatic.  They are crazy.  But I'm glad they haven't thought about their momma strolling up to the school in the gigantuan swag van.  This gives a whole new meaning to the swag van song....

So even though this change may have been inevitable, (both my older two are rather cramped in the back), it's still a change that I was not anticipating quite so soon.  Once again, make God laugh by telling Him what You expect to happen and then wait...  I am learning to see that God is not someone I can place in a box anymore than I can nail jello to a wall.  

I do not know what God wants from me, or what His plan is for me.  All I can do is be open to whatever He allows to happen in my life and receive it with thanksgiving, because no matter what, whether it's happy, sad, hard, easy, painful, or silly, it's a gift to be cherished and thankful because if it's any of those- it means I am alive.  I am alive in Christ.  I will, once again, be a fool for Him.  A fool, only in that, our society, our culture, our media, tell us that people who have more than 1.2 kids, who don't live in the biggest houses, or drive the fanciest cars, or own every electronic known to man, are fools.  

Clearly, 7 children will far surpass my fool status.  From people in my own family to complete strangers at Wegmans, no doubt.  I remember the comments about my "carbon print."  (yea, I didn't want to go there, pretty sure my carbon print is non-existent comparatively, but some people were born to argue and I'm pretty sure, I'm related to all.of.them.)

I was upset that I was so upset about justifying my sixth child.  I mean, who's business is it anyways?  Should I call them up and share all my knowledge about my fertility?  (down to the location of my cervix?  That'll make some of them quiet up quickly... :) ) It was almost ridiculous how many people would exclaim, "SIX KIDS?"  And then suddenly, when faced with my endearing smile (cause looking like a crazed-escaped from the mental hospital-woman might have sent the wrong message) they admitted to being the youngest of six or seven themselves.  

Perhaps I can paint a different portrait for people about large families.  Perhaps, I can prove to them it wasn't only about farming, or helping to run the family business.  

Perhaps I can show them that it was more than that.  It was a deep understanding of the truly sacramental bond of the covenant of marriage between two mere humans and one God of the Universe.  An "earthly trinity" if you will.  God in the center of these two mere mortals who wish to please their God in all they do.

No, I was not planning on another child.  My husband claims to have known this would happen- maybe so- but the central Person in our relationship was in total control.  And He makes no mistakes. 

None.  Nada.  

Not even in this family.  

So as I prepare to receive my big ole partridge family bus and accept the fact that I will one day have to DRIVE that huge thing I will remind myself of this. 

God makes no mistakes. 

That is one thing I can be certain of in this very uncertain world.  That and His infinite love for me and my family. He loves each and every one of us.  Because we not only allow Him in our lives, but we invite Him in to the most private, quiet, special places of our hearts.  Our souls.  He is so in love with us and wants only for us to sit and bask in His glory.  Let Him do the rest.  

Well, today, I shall sit and bask in His glory as I revel in my own love of my van fam....

7 weeks and counting....

So today we told the kids what is going on.  The 5 year old (ironically #5 in the food chain) said she was mad.  Not surprised.  This child exhibits "baby of the family" characteristics so strongly, that I was initially worried when baby #6 was born- but she tolerated her well.  Irritated at times, but they are 4 years apart, so the space is perfect for them- 

No- today when we "surprised" them with the news- #5 said- "We have too many babies.  Now we'll have 9 people in our family, soon it will 10, then 11, than 12, than 13, than 14."

Ummmm, not sure who she communicates with, but if it's God- I'd like to ask that we stop at maybe, 10?  I'm good with 9, but about a month after this baby is born, I'll be 42.  Now I do know people who are 45 and having babies- but I would prefer- not to- that's just my preference.  Now- a little more NFP knowledge.  According to studies done on women with large families- sometimes, even though family history might indicate early menopause, studies have shown that some women, who have larger family sizes and babies later in life- tend to have menopause pushed back slightly- instead of 50- it might be 55, etc.  Not always the case, but it seems to be something worth noting.  I of course, have no idea when I'll go through menopause- it's not something I ever discussed with my diseased grandmother on my mother's side, and my dad's mother passed away before I was born.  My mom had a hysterectomy when she was very young (mid 30's?) so the actual menopause time is not definitive.  So.......

I could technically have many more years of fertility.  "gulp..." 

My #4 was probably the most excited.  She screamed.  She actually has been lately saying her prayers and praying for another baby.  Which is kind of funny because I think they all are really more aware of how much harder it is to have a large family- even her- but it hasn't stopped her prayers for another one.  She was dancing around and singing and shouting.  Someone is excited.

My oldest two were indifferent- my only son #2, probably realizes at this point, it's going to be tough to achieve a boy- and even if it IS a boy- well, the 13 1/2 year difference will make it tough for lego play....but he's once again saying, "I hope it's a boy, THIS TIME..."

I'm pretty sure my #3-the one I homeschool, was already figuring in her head where on EARTH this one is going to sleep.  Pretty sure, she's planned her departure from this family not a minute before she graduates from high school.... she's my middle child and according to that book, "Birth Order," she is middle child to a tee.  

That leaves #6.  She's completely oblivious to #7's potential arrival.  She barely speaks and is getting used to running the show around here- but if there is one positive I have found in even thinking about how nutty we are is that- #6 really is far away from the older 5.  The youngest was 4 when she was born, so she really would grow up without much of a playmate and my kids have always had playmates (my older two are 18 months apart-and they played so well together when smaller!)  Now #6 will have a playmate and that makes me very happy. 

Seven isn't so bad at all. 

God is still the same....

Yep.  That's exactly what you think it is.  As if this stick with it's little "plus" sign is the end all means of determining whether or not someone is actually pregnant (and not, say, going through menopause....)

Alrite, so I've given up on the whole menopause thing.  The nurse at my doctor's office told me last week to take a test.  Why?  I had 18+ days of elevated temperatures, I technically do not have to take a pregnancy test.

Isn't this a Catholic hospital I go to?

Regardless.  There are still people, even in Catholic medical circles, that rely on ways of determining pregnancy, like the irritating, pee on a stick for 5 seconds, no more, no less or you'll screw it up, test.  I suppose I could have requested a blood test, that is, after all, the most accurate, but at that point, I was still in denial.  My heart knew what was happening, my mind knew what was happening, my body certainly knows what was happening, (can anyone say nausea like mad?) but I hadn't let the three connect.  Mostly due to the fact that the final connector, my soul, was still in a serious state of shock.

Shock.  Why shock, Catholicmomma?  Aren't you and your husband open to life?  Didn't you just preach to your moms group how incredible NFP works and causes communication?

Yes, yes I did. But that was then.  Right?  The rules can change for me when it isn't what I had planned right?

No.  Never.

Just because things don't go exactly the way WE have planned them, doesn't mean we suddenly get to change the game.

The game is still the same.  The planet still rotates around the sun, the sun still rises in the East and sets in the West, the calendar year still shows 365 days most years (366 for leap years- covering those who always like to point out my mistakes....)

God is still the same.  Yesterday, Today, and forever.

Even when things we didn't plan happen.

Like a pregnancy.

Don't get me wrong- when you have sex, unprotected most especially, you are opening yourself up to getting pregnant.  I am very well aware of this fact and do not need a lesson in biology.  I LOVE how God made a woman's body.  I am very saddened by so many women who ignore how He made our fabulously scientific bodies and how they operate each month, almost like clockwork, temperatures, with estrogen, staying low until ovulation.  Once ovulation occurs, (with all the signs and wonders externally AND internally)the progesterone levels slowly rise until our temperatures stay elevated and once again after a time the luteal phase (that's the phase after ovulation) slowly drops the temperature and voila- a woman has her period.
The food we eat, the drinks we drink, the medicine we take, the sleep we get, the emotional state we allow ourselves to be in all affect this amazingly great scientific wonder God created.  Us!  Females!

The way a man and a woman fit perfectly (mostly- even if he's super tall and you're super short- it still works) together like a puzzle piece is no mistake.  That intimate puzzle piece connected together, holding each other as God intended is the most beautiful image I can think of next to Jesus Christ on the cross- I find that image the most beautiful because He did that for ME.  Before I ever existed.  So only next to that, the image of a man and woman, loving purely, uninhibited, un"protected" for a lack of a better term, is the most beautiful image I can think of when I think of love.

So yes, back to the same game plan.

I know of so, many people who find out once the game changed, they don't want to play anymore.  They want the rules changed.  They don't want to try anymore because this.is.not.what.they.had.planned....

Well, shame on them.  And shame on me.  Because I felt that way initially.  Remember, my thoughts?  My fears?  My shame?  My humiliation?   (I'll give you a great example of this in a minute - I went to the eye doctor today- yea- humility right up there....)

Shame on us for deciding once things didn't go the way WE had planned, dreamed, schemed, we decide no one on earth understands what we're going through and we're done.  The rules are going to change and that's that.

Screw God.

Yep.  Basically that's what we're saying.

God- I can't handle what You've allowed to happen (as though God forced my husband and I to be together) and I'm getting out.  (going on the pill, considering termination, etc etc)  This is all your fault because had I not been so in love with my faith I wouldn't be......xyz....


Get what I'm saying?

Did my adorable handsome husband and I plan this baby?  No.

Was it very clear in our hearts that pregnancy is something that can come from marital relationship with a spouse?  of course we knew that

Did we understand the Church's teaching on birth control?  Absolutely and agreed 100%

Did human error cause this tiny miracle?  Yes.  I counted my chart wrong.  Period.  I counted the days wrong.  God didn't "cause" this anymore than me believing that I can do everything without His grace....

Do people still continue to blame God and tell Him that they didn't "plan" the misery, sadness, heartache in their lives so they want out?  Yes.

Do they continue to try to change the game plan without understanding "our" plans aren't always "His" plans and perhaps we should open our eyes to another way?  Of course.

Life is always going to bring good things, and always going to bring bad things.  We are sinners.  We are bound to fall, each and every one of us, and when we do, how are we going to let it determine our game plan?

Are we going to throw in the towel and say, "I quit?"

Are we going to tell God, "Well, God, that plan was nice, but it got all messed up, so I'm changing things up a bit."

I see this happen in my Church a lot.

Over birth control, marriage, sacraments, you name it.

A husband and wife get pregnant.  Totally unplanned by them of course, but in order to insure it never happens again, the husband has a vasectomy.  He says, "we tried that NFP thing and it didn't work."
Well, guess what?  They didn't take NFP, they didn't understand the fertility cycle and they weren't even charting.  Can they honestly say they "tried NFP?"   Most couples who actually practice NFP and chart and take their temperature, do so with an open heart that God knows exactly what they can and can not handle.  I had no pressing medical issues that required us to be extremely vigilant with my chart, so of course, it goes with out saying....

A couple just decided they couldn't work out their marital differences, so they divorced.  They both want to meet and marry other people, but can't understand why the church won't grant their annulment.  They quit.  They gave up on each other.  The plan didn't go the way "they" envisioned, so they divorced.  They hate the church for being so "rigid" about divorce.
Why can't they just divorce?  Why does the church take such a hard line in determining who's marriage was valid and who's wasn't at the time they made their marriage vows?

I don't know about you, but when I married my husband almost 18 years ago, I'm almost positive, when I said, "in good times and in bad" I wasn't thinking I'd have to live in New York....

But there it is.  It good times and in bad.  In sickness and in health.  Til death do us part.

Well, for most of us, we don't envision sickness on our wedding day.  We don't envision moving away from everyone we know and never EVER, EVER moving back as long as we live.  We don't envision waking up one morning and finding out the person we married isn't the person we married.  We don't envision losing a spouse to an affair, or worse, drugs, or alcohol abuse.  We don't envision on that amazing wedding day that one day, 18 years later, they'd be staring at a pregnancy test and wondering how on God's green earth were they going to afford to feed and cloth and provide for SEVEN CHILDREN......

But once the shock is over, once we've been able to sit down and examine everything that has happened- we realize something....

God is still the same.

Yesterday, Today, and Forever.

Are we willing to accept the changes, lean harder on Him, and Trust in Him, and Understand that He can make all things good?

All things.
Messy things.
Unplanned pregnancies.
Cheating spouses.
Divorced couples.
Alcoholics.
Thieves.
Wayward children.
Lost souls.

All things.  We have to trust.  Trust. Trust.  And then?  Trust some more.

Will God reveal to my awesome, adorable husbster and I the great plan He has for us as an "old" pregnant couple with their 11th pregnancy and God willing, seventh living child?

No.  And quite frankly, I don't want Him to reveal that.  It might be more than I can handle seeing what all will happen in the next 18-20 years....

Will the game stay the same?  Who knows.  Will other "problems" arise?  Who knows.
There is only one thing we do know.  One thing we know for absolute certainty.  One thing we can be assured of for all time... And we will cling to that.

God is still the same.....  Always....