Monday, December 29, 2014

One Month....And squirrel counting....

This may be one of my more confusing blogs possibly, but I do have a very good explanation.  There are about ten billion squirrels running around in my head right now and I can't seem to muster up enough energy to nail down a single one or shoo them out of my head, so for now, we can either accept this as "one of those blogs" or we can walk away.  I choose the first, simply because, walking away would require an exceptional amount of more oxygen on my part.... :)

There are 10 billion squirrels because as I will reveal from the title- I have ONE month left in this pregnancy!!!  ONE MONTH!  Not only that, but it's been one month since my last blog and I'm starting to see some of my squirrels because I have not been able to sit and formulate my thoughts, nor gather my mental state onto "paper" for a month and that, my friends, is like taking every clock, calendar, watch, and any indicator of the time or date away from a normal human being.  Can you imagine what life would be like to a type A personality if you took all of that from them?  Speaking as a former recovered Type A personality, I can assure you, a straight jacket and padded walls would be the only way to live.

Not saying that's what I need right now, but I DO use my blog to really come to grips, complain, make myself laugh, and see the light in a different perspective.  I haven't done that in a month because it's been so busy getting ready for Christmas, writing out addresses for envelopes, ordering Christmas presents, wrapping presents, and most importantly, napping during the toddler's naptime.


I know there is no one who will dispute that necessity for pregnancy and Christmas prep.

So tonight, one is at swim team, the others are watching a video in the basement, and I'm strangely left alone in the family room with the lights out minus the amazing 12 foot Christmas tree and my computer blasting me with instrumental Christmas music.  Because, contrary to secular world beliefs, Christmas did NOT end on Christmas Day, people.  It just began.
My amazing tree...

Ok, squirrrel #1- seriously, even protestants celebrate a bit more "Advent" now, and that goes right up to Christmas Eve- so what, Christmas season is just one day?  No.way.hozay.  And thank God it's not!!!  In my Church, we celebrate Christmas up until the baptism of Jesus in the Jordan river!!!  JANUARY 11th!!!!  And what a beautiful way to end the season and it helps me, because you see, Christmas is my absolute FAVORITE season in the whole wide world.  Knowing I can keep my tree up until January 11th gives me such satisfaction.  I feel giddy when I tell my husband the Grinch that, "Guess what honey????  Just 10 1/2 more months until I can start preparing for this season again!!!!"

The look of annoyance on his face is totally worth it.  As he anticipates pulling out the gigantic ladder to put UP the 12 foot Christmas tree.  (some people really struggle with happiness during this season-but I'm working on helping them one Grinch at a time!!!!!)

So it's still Christmas.  Yay!

Squirrel #2.  I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about our over 40+ bodies.  It was a comical conversation, the fact that we can carry a pregnancy at all with statistics being what they are, the pain, discomfort, embarrassing things that we'd like to just have disappear (God-why hemorrhoids?  Really??? WHY????) And she brought to my attention that a family member told her she needed to be careful because she was having hip pain and pregnancy can actually do permanent damage to our hips.  Now, I'm no hip expert, but I do know a few more things about hips due to the fact that I still suffer with a labral tear that I will eventually have to get fixed or have my hip replaced-whichever comes first- and when I was going through all that hideous pain, the doctor knew I had given birth to five children prior and gave no indication that birthing babies would cause permanent hip issues.  Matter of fact, he said my hip 'damage' was from something more traumatic like a hard fall, or a consistent irritation of the joint-such as what happens when you're say, a long distance runner..............oh wait, I was...... ;)
So it reminded me about a comment that was made about an article I read on why birth control was soooooo important this day and age because women didn't have to die during unplanned child births anymore and suffer the permanent damages of giving birth.

I'm getting ready to birth my seventh child and although having babies is no easy task, to look at it as a disease that we must eradicate in order to "save women" is about as asinine as they come!  The "permanent" damage I have suffered?   Veins that are rather wormy to look at.  A bladder that leaks spontaneously, stretch marks that make the grand canyon look tiny, a size in a half shoe growth, pre-cancerous skin growths that usually speed up due to hormones, a back and a butt that take at LEAST a year to separate and become their own parts again instead of a big ole backbutt right now....
ok, perhaps there are some frightening "permanent" damages, but to put those things before the creation of another tiny soul hopefully bound for Heaven?  Well, there is no other sacrifice I can think of to put my body through.  The creation of another soul.

I, and my husband, are co-participants in the creation of another SOUL!  A soul, from God and destined to returned to God!!!  How can I selfishly and vainly say anything to trump that about my earthly body that will eventually one day whither to the dirt it came from????????  I can't take this sexy 40+ pound heavier tank with me to Heaven (backbutt and all) and for that I am eternally grateful!!!!!!

Now, will I stop complaining about my leaky bladder, swollen roids, and backbutt?  Probably not, but if I didn't try to find the humor in things- I'd be a pretty depressing person to be around and that brings me to squirrel #3....

Why we moms got to be such haters?  I'll give an example, but really, I can think of about a billion ones.  You know, the moms that scream on facebook that praise the Lord they discovered this _______ product that will SAVE THEIR BABIES....

And damn any of you lesser moms for not trying it....

Remember the mom that put herself out there on social media with her three kids, the youngest being under a year and she looked DANG GOOD?  Remember there was a quote that asked, "what's your excuse?"

I laughed when I saw that because I named EVERYTHING that was my excuse- lazy, ice cream, lazy, ice cream, chocolate, lack of self control.

But you know what those haters did?  They practically berated her and called her a racist and terrorist, and a bully.  I just admired the fact that she could put her half naked body on social media...cause, well, that will NEVER happen with me for lots of reasons, but one specifically being no one needs that kind of shock.....ever....not even my poor husband who lovingly tells me all the time that I am so beautiful-all of me.... (he's a keeper ladies- don't be haters....)

Ladies- we gotta calm our sassy backbutts down.  If we can't take the heat- get off the computer.  Cause she had a valid point.
What's stopping us from being the best version we can be?  Physically included???  Gluttony?  Sloth? Vain glory?  Envy???
ANGER?????  Hello????  We have to put our insecurities away and decide once and for all that we are not going to be like that.  It's unbecoming, unattractive, and certainly, NOT what will make us the best versions of ourselves!!

Or the moms who practically put us down with their posts on social media?  You know, the ones who post pictures of them-selfies stating what awesomely fabulous people they are because they've found the cure for never aging ever????    We all have all the answers and sometimes we just have to sit back and laugh, because whether we like it or not- there's a lot of us who are highly opinionated, know it alls and we like to tell others that.  Including me!  I'll be the first to tell anyone I think staying at home with my kids is one of the hardest things to do, but I know how much it will matter in the future.  Yea- we don't have the latest, greatest gadgets, I can't buy just anything for my kiddos without saving up for it, or just deciding it's not something that's going to make or break their lives, but being there for them when they get off that bus, or walk home from school, is something I will never regret doing.  Ever.
But that's my opinion.  I'm sure I could back my claim up with articles and studies done by some country and their medical journals, but so could someone probably find just the opposite.
I have NOT found the cure for aging-but I have found I can make some amazing face-selfies.... hahaha.

What we need to do?  Is bring back that love.  I know people that do dumb stuff on a daily basis (some of them live in my house with me, and I'll be the first to admit, I'm one of them), and I correct them when I can, but mostly I just try to love them where they are and pray for them to reach a new level of understanding in their own lives.

Like- how I wish and pray everyone could find Jesus in their lives.   How in the last over 18 years, He has made the most incredible impact on my life, my marriage, my views of everything.  My world.   Can I force anyone to find that?  Or follow me?  Never.  Just like God can't force His will on us, we have to be open to His will.

I often joke about where I would be had I not married and moved so far away from family over 18 years ago.  Would I have discovered that the love and dependency I was needing so desperately was really the love and desire of my Father?  My Heavenly Father?  Would I have been open to His grace and received it so willingly?  Would I have even considered teaching in a Catholic school and been exposed to some super incredible people who shared their love of God and the faith and helped me to open my own eyes to His boundless mercy?  Would I have stayed with my husband through thick and thin because of my own thinly displaced view of marriage?   Would I have opened my heart to what God wanted from us as opposed to what WE wanted for ourselves?   Would I have been so willing to be used for His glory in all He has done and accomplished through me?

I think I just put my squirrels back in order for the day.  I know my opinions in the grand scheme of life matter very little in this vast incredible world.  But I hope that my opinion of love and acceptance can be manifested in my offspring as they grow up in this same vast, incredible world and maybe, one day, their opinions, might find value with someone who they help lead to Him.....  That's my prayer anyway.....

Happy New Year!