I might be seeing a pattern here. But for the sake of preserving myself from brutal honesty, let's stick to my heart nagging me...on a daily basis... shall we?
It's been nagging me to write because writing is something I absolutely love to do and there has been so much on my heart lately. So, in true Catholicmommaupnorth fashion, this is going to be all over the place. Maybe if I wrote more regularly, I could stick to a topic...probably not. Those of you who know me, know I can talk...and talk, and talk and talk........
| This is actually me talking to a friend... |
So it's the start of the fourth week of Lent. Is Lent as exciting for anyone else out there as it is for me? I mean, I may look forward to Lent a little more than the average person and it could be considered odd at best. Who looks forward to trying to plan six or seven meat free dishes for a family of ten? Or trying to stick with Lenten sacrifices with said family of ten..... Or trying to just survive Lent with a family of ten....
I am seeing another pattern.
I love my family of ten.
I love Lent in a way that doesn't mean I look forward to denying myself and being all scrupulous (I might not even be using that technical term correctly, but what I mean is self torture or self loathing because I'm not worthy and I should be doing things to shame myself into being a better person...)
I love Lent because I need Lent. I NEED that time of denial, self sacrifice. Self control. Slowing down. Being at Church more. Reading and really soaking in the word of God. I have some really great women in my life, one of whom is my 19 year old daughter, who have created a little Lenten Lady's study and it's been a game changer. We've of course perhaps bitten off more than we can chew each week, but the we all seem up for the challenge, minus the fact I've accidentally had two sweet sodas and a caramel latte from Panera the last week..... sorry ladies....
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| The struggle is real... |
But we are doing a number of challenges and it's been actually really good for my focus. I tend to see about ten million squirrels a day and honestly, my phone has not helped me with that one bit. I have a love/hate relationship with my phone because I would LOVE to turn it off for the day, but these pesky humans in my home sometimes need me and I have a fear of missing something important. See my struggle? It's real. But this Lent has been somewhat different. I haven't abolished the phone entirely, but I have new distractions that are good for me!
First off, we are doing a book study on one of the best books I've ever read and quite honestly, it's a book I think everyone needs on their nightstand. It's called, 'Searching for and Maintaining Peace,' by Fr. Jacques Philippe....
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| Best book EVER... |
My friends tend to get annoyed with my comment, "BEST BOOK EVER..." Ok, I readily admit I'm a 'good Catholic book junkie...' I wear that title with a tiara and sparkles because in this day and age, there are just some super amazing, inspired by the Holy Spirit writers who have answered the call and answered the call in a HUGE WAY. Fr. Jacques Philippe is one of them. This isn't a book you read cover to cover. It's a book you read sections at a time and listen to the Abiding Together podcast, with Sister Miriam James (can I please bring her to Buffalo and have her speak at our conference?????), Michelle Benzinger, and Heather Khym.
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| Found on Ascension Presents blogs |
They are on the fourth week of the book study and it's been life changing. To read this book in the smaller sections and really sit and soak in how we let things steal our peace. It's really opened my own eyes for how I let peace leave me, even sometimes while trying to do good things for God!! I've really seen how God doesn't want that for me either! He loves the people in my life more than I love them, so if I'm allowing my peace to be removed, or even stolen, I'm not loving them the way God loves them, or wants me to love them.... WOW. Just WOW....
I've also been listening to Sonja Corbitt's latest study, Highway to Holiness. Listen, if you don't know who Sonja Corbitt is, I'll try to forgive you, but you need to learn her and her teachings because the woman is changing the way we look at the bible and she's doing it in a beautiful, former protestant turned ON FIRE Catholic way!! The Holy Spirit is truly guiding her and she is open to where that may lead.
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| biblestudyevangelista.com her current study! |
I'm also reading her book "Fearless" which is also just jam packed with so much for us women to really take in and take to heart about how the evil one wants to also steal our peace!!
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| Another BEST BOOK EVER... |
I've been reading little bits here and there (remember I said we were taking on Lent like CHAMPS) but I sit with my journal bible and read a few pages and really let the Word soak in and see where I'm letting the demons control my fears and anxieties and call me by my weaknesses. She's helped me unpack where I need to let go and trust GOD because he is all about love, not fear. It's been transforming. Almost as much as her Heal the Father Wounds series, which I highly recommend becoming a friend of the show just to hear that series and listen to it over, and over and over and over. Because friends....we all have father wounds. Perhaps caused by fathers, mothers, sisters, cousins, friends, someone in authority, but we all have them. And we all struggle with our relationship with our mighty God because of those wounds... Alan Hunt wrote a book that was titled, "Everybody Needs to Forgive Somebody..." He was right. We all have wounds.... But I'm digressing....as usual... :)
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| A to the men my dears..... |
But getting back to Sonja and her newest study, Highway to Holiness, which is a podcast about where we are as the Body of Christ, in His church, after all the scandal and let me tell you, she has been ON FIRE with this podcast. The way she addresses where we need to go as a Church and how scandal has been around since the beginning is so helpful. Especially here in Buffalo, where the scandal has been front and center and most of us cringe when we see a particular reporter and the words, 'Catholic Church,' mentioned on the news... I was struggling with being angry and frustrated but not knowing what to do with that unrest. But wow has she, in just three podcasts, opened my eyes to what is going on....Plus, it didn't help that I was allowing my peace to be stolen by sending this podcast to everyone I know and actually DEMANDING they listen because it was so powerful and full of great nuggets we all as Catholics could benefit from, some things I've never heard of ever, and the response was......
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| crickets..... |
But God spoke to me in the 'Searching for and Maintaining Peace' book. He told me to keep sending it to people if it didn't cause me to lose my peace, but that just like the old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink..... you can send fellow Catholics all the amazing Catholic material in the universe (and let me tell you, there is a PLETHORA of materials at our fingertips) but you can't make them read it, watch it, listen to it, buy it, like it, or even care about it.... you.just.can't.
Well.... you know me. I'm still gonna ask God, WHY??? I know, He's going to have a doosie of a time when I finally see Heaven and see why, but until then, I love my Jesus, I love my faith, I love my Catholic Church and my heart just breaks into 50 bazillion pieces when I see people not getting it or seeing it, or even wanting it.....
So..... that was a tangent.... I apologize. No, I don't apologize. I love Jesus too much to apologize. We Catholics are pathetic when it comes to knowing our Bible. For Heaven's sake, we put the darn thing together and we don't give it the time of day....minus Mass and so many people don't even attend Mass regularly, so they aren't even getting the bible once a week anymore....
I am super getting off topic..... Lent.... Lent..... repent..... turn back.....
So we have been having this Lenten Lady study and it's truly been such a blessing to me and my faith journey. We also are taking some of the ideas from The Fasting Catholic....It's a GREAT website that has some pretty intense ideas about how to have to ultimate Lenten Experience. Click on the Fasting Catholic to see it!
Some of the ideas from there are fasting on Wednesdays from meat as well. Taking shorter showers (I do love my super hot showers....), abstaining from sweets, desserts, soft drinks, alcohol, etc. It's been TOUGH (hence the Panera Caramel latte....), but do you know what it's been more of?
Refreshing and reassuring.
I still can have mastery over my desires. I LOVE LENT for this reason. I was worried about some of the Lenten sacrifices we were being challenged to do. I come from a history of addiction issues, and to worry whether or not I could 'survive' without some of my desires, gave me a pit in my stomach at first. Well, minus the falling off the wagon over sugar and caramel lattes, I am relieved that I can discipline myself still after all these years. It has been reassuring...and taking all of it to prayer and offering it all up for people in our lives has given it an even bigger meaning for me. My super hero hubs and I both are doing some of the fasting/abstaining together as well and it's been a beautiful few weeks knowing he and I both are offering these 'first world problems' we think are so sometimes hard, for the sufferings of others.... God is so good....
So Lent. How's your Lent going to so far? I think we're on day 18 so....still early, but hey- it's NEVER too early or too late to get back up on the horse. If you've fallen and given in to your sacrifice, get back up. If you've not prayed much, set that alarm for five minutes earlier and wake up and read the gospel readings. We are doing a lot more with our Lenten Lady group- but I'll just leave you with this- no sacrifice is too small for God. He can make good of everything if our hearts are in the right place and our intention is pure. He loves us, He loves YOU, so much, He will gently lead you and wait patiently as you get back up, every.single.time. Don't give up on Lent just yet. It's really just getting going!!! Let's knock out the next few weeks together, shall we?? :)
| Together we can do it! |
