Fighting the good marriage fight....

I am writing a super important blog tonight.  Actually, I wrote it yesterday and the way it came about was really a gift from the Holy Spirit.  I have a very good friend.  She's awesome and I just love her.   Yesterday, she sent me a text.  It read, "At what point in your marriage did you get "good" at fighting?  John* and I are the worst.  (* names have been changed).  At least this one is over, but it was a whopper.  How to make it better?"

I honestly almost cried when I read it because it sounded so familiar.  So similar.  So much like my own life... Marriage is not easy.  Despite what our culture wants us to believe, to have a really, great, awesome, terrific marriage?  It requires work.  It requires sweat.  It requires sacrifice.  Our world would have us believe (and television/movies prove it) that marriage should be bliss, happy, love, sex 24/7 or get out while the getting is good.  If it's not those things, dump it and run. 

I'm  here to tell anyone who will listen, that's the dumbest way to look at marriage EVER.  

Marriage is anything but easy.  If you want a good marriage?  You'd better prepare yourself for battle.  There is nothing the devil wants more than to destroy good marriages.  Promote no fault divorce.  Encourage infidelity.  

Marriage is under attack in more ways than ever these days.  I could go on, but for the sake of my friend, I'll stay on track this time....

I wanted to text her back, but realized that it would be a mess to try and text a reply.  This deserved a letter.  I had so many different thoughts and words floating in my head and I wanted to tell her so much and assure of so many things....so I texted back that I would email a response to her because a text wouldn't do it justice.  

I sat down and within 10 minutes, I had what I typed below ready for her.  I also had  my super hero hubs sit down and do his typical revising and add his two cents to what I said.  Here is what we came up with.  Perhaps you can resonate with some of what we came up with.  

Dear Jane*, (again, names changed)

First and foremost, to consider my hubs and I as an example is such an awesome compliment.  Honestly, if you ask him, he’ll tell you I tried to do my darndest to mess up our marriage with stupid, dumb comments all the time.  We both did our share of pushing buttons (wait, we still do that… and it’s been 19 years??) But that’s human nature.  We are inclined to sin, we are prone to want our own selfish desires and wants and when we fight, it’s just our own selfishness at times, rearing its ugly head out.  No matter what we think we’re justified in saying/doing.  Both of us. 

The first few years of marriage I was really good at making him mad by telling him I hated him.  It’s how my family communicated with each other, so it was easy to just do the same to him because guess what,  he hated that phrase.  It would get him so fired up and we’d wind up in a yelling, screaming spat and on several occasions I pulled out the suitcase and loaded it up.  (There was even the time I actually was glad for a trip to Knoxville for my sister’s graduation because I was fed up with him…)

After we had a few children (probably right where you are right now).  We still fought some pretty intense battles.  I am stubborn.  I am extremely stubborn.  I wear my heart on my sleeves.  I am passionate and I am unwavering, and I like things done the way I want them.

My husband, on the other hand, is extremely laid back, but also, EXTREMELY set in his ways.  The phrase, ‘can’t teach an old dog new tricks’  Yea, that was specifically for him.  He knows it.  He knows he does/doesn’t like things and when we clash- we clash like thunder and lightning.  Sometimes to the point of scaring our children into asking, ‘are they going to get divorced?’

So, how did we learn to fight good?  Well, it’s an ongoing battle.  Literally.  I know there is no way to completely avoid fights, and frankly, it’s important that we do fight some in front of the kids.  Contrary to popular psychology, I believe that my children see he and I disagreeing on things and perhaps getting a tad heated, as a healthy sign for them in their own relationships. Conflict is a necessary part of life.  Not ever seeing conflict, not ever seeing their parents fight,could cause them to feel horrible if they ever do have conflict.  Especially with their spouse.  But it’s been 19 years in the making.  Do we have the knockdown, drag out, screaming, yelling, slamming doors, driving off fights?  Well, I do still slam doors.  My husband does still yell, but he will tell you he’s just loud.  I do get so mad sometimes I want to knock his block off.  He’s so friggen stubborn‼!  And don’t you know, he’ll say the SAME THING ABOUT ME‼!

But the older I get, the more I realize that life is so incredibly short. 

Jane- I mean, incredibly short. 

Sometimes I think about people we know who have lost their spouses too soon.  With young children, or unborn babies on the way.   

Sometimes I think about my Grandma who died a few years ago who literally took care of my grandfather, her alcoholic, at times horribly drunk, husband, and gave all appearances of it not wearing her down.

Sometimes I think about all our babies in Heaven and it really sinks in how important it is to work on compromise.  Seriously. 

I bite my tongue a lot.  I bite it so much my dentist says I have a bump on my tongue from biting it‼  Literally‼ 

So to say we’ve gotten good at it, well, that’s relative.  But we do fall more in love with each other every single year. 

The scripture that everyone hates so much that’s so misunderstood by a lot of people about wives being submissive to their husbands?  Ironically enough, I try to think about that verse, for numerous reasons.  My husband is a good man.  You know that.  If he was abusive, it would be different.  But he’s a Godly man who wants to live right and raise his family right.  But just like me, he has his flaws, and sometimes we clash with our flaws.  But that verse, rightly so, reminds me, just like it reminds him, that we are to be submissive to not only one another, but to do it the way Christ does to His Church.  With total and utter abandonment. 

Trust that God will pull you through this difficult time when it arises.  And it will arise.  Sometimes it will happen over the dumbest things, when you’re tired, when you’re visiting family, when you thought you did something really good and the spouse thought just the opposite….sometimes, I'm convinced, the evil one just starts a spark for no reason other than to continue the divide of families.

Make sure, though, most importantly, that you kiss and make up.  Don’t ever let a fight linger or go unsettled.  I always apologize.  Sometimes my stupid, stupid, STUPID, stubborn, redheaded, self likes to say in my head, ‘I’m not apologizing THIS time…” But I do.  We both do.  We apologize to each other.  It’s important.  I’m not supposed to go to bed angry- but I still do sometimes.  I’m trying to work on that one, too.  Don’t go to bed angry. Get the wall quote from Hobby Lobby that says to kiss me goodnight and put it above your bed.  Or in your room somewhere… J

AND- surround yourselves with ducks.  Hang out with us, seriously, or find some other crazy ducks.  There is NOTHING, and I promise, NOTHING that can make a marriage grow in strength than by hanging with other strong marriages.  I promise. 

And sorry for the novel, but you’ve inspired me to write a blog.  I’ll change your name- but it’s something important.

Love you friend‼

~crazycatholicmomma

Monday morning, white cabinets, and one feisty redhead....

First and foremost- if you're a builder- and why not- builders could be reading my blog.  Stranger things have happened.

If you're a builder, and you're looking at designs for a kitchen for a house that you'll probably build for a modest family of, let's be generous, and say, four kids and two parents (there's a rare gem), you might want to consider a few things.  First of all, when you decide on what works and doesn't work in a house, you may want to consider the colors of items.  Next, people like things to last.  Longer than expected....

But, let's say you're sitting there designing your next build for this family.   Suddenly you get this brilliant idea.

White cabinets.

'Oooooh,' you think.

'What a great idea,' you say.  Out loud.  Presumably, your partner is equally impressed with this new 'gem' of an idea and you immediately set to work.

I'm here to tell you, RUN MY FRIEND the builder.

Run like your pants are ON FIRE.

Because there could be NO.WORSE.IDEA then white cabinets in a house that will potentially house people UNDER the age of, well, in reality, under.....well, let's be real here, dead.

I will tell you why.

There isn't a human in my house, age range starting from 46 and dropping all the way down to 9 months, who hasn't gotten something naasssty on these here white cabinets.

And what makes it even worse?

They are cheaply made white cabinets.

Not that I would know what "expensive" white cabinets would look like, but I can assure anyone, builder, designer, architect, Lego builder, statistician, plumber, doctor, etc, you get my drift, that white cabinets?  They are a nasty tragic mess waiting to happen.

Take mine for instance.

Fortunately, I have multiple subjects to test out my theories on just about anything you need a theory tested out on....

My house is soon to be six years old.

Young, some would say.

Brand, spanking new, others would say.

And lo, I would be inclined to agree.

But these here white cabinets that the genius who built this house thought would look sooooo good and are featured in the likes of Ethan Allen magazines, with  matching black appliances and a precious granite counter top to boot?

These cabinets were picked up on the side of the road, OR they were on sale at the "don't ever put in anyone's house who actually would BUY the house" store.

Oh, the first few years were a honeymoon for sure.  But then slowly and surely, the test of time came crashing down like a child in a glass store riding a tricycle blindfolded.

Kind of like the roofing company that put shingles designed for a child's toy house on my roof, the people in charge of cabinets, clearly struck a deal, and that deal expired about a year ago.

My cabinets are peeling.

No, literally, PEELING....  Oh, I'll take a picture of it.  But keep in mind, I've put CLEAR DUCT TAPE ON IT SO IT WON'T PEEL COMPLETELY OFF......

The one I haven't taped because I RAN OUT of tape...

Ignore the permanent stains of nasty....but here's tape!

More  tape....and permanent stains...

The screws are also stripping, so this is my super hero hubs "quick fix"

So they're peeling.

My kids are all like, "Hey why don't we just peel all the cabinets and paint them white again?"

I smacked them.  Don't worry.  I'll never, ever, purposely put white cabinets in my house ever again.

So my house is six years old, and yes, while I have double, maybe even triple the number of humans living in the space, the cabinets have not lived out what I would even think would be half their lifespan.

Not only are they peeling, but they show every.single.piece. of dirt, smudge, fingerprint, food dropped, coffee spill, unidentifiable science experiments... name it, I bet I can find it on my cabinets.....

Now, I know what you're thinking.

'Seriously, crazycatholicmomma? You gonna go there?'

I know.  I truly do.  In a world, where people are in an uproar about a red cup, (I really missed the boat on that one- someone who hates a store for the color of cups might be crazier than me) where college kids (let me say that again) college kids, are staging ridiculous stances to have presidents of their colleges fired because there aren't enough of a certain race/color/creed working, (forget the fact that we all apply for jobs and are hired for our abilities, talents, degrees, or merits), where terrorists are running rampant and killing innocent lives almost daily (the news subtly avoided the Lebanon bombings before the Paris attacks....)

Where people in our own country go to bed hungry and people in third world countries go to bed hungry because their governments are railroading aid.

Where my children, especially my daughters, will have to face the reality that one day, as they change for gym in the girls locker room, a boy, who claims to identity with girls and not boys, will be allowed to change in the locker room with her.

You can call me a hater all you want for that one- but there are creepy people in this world, and don't you think for one little bitty second that some kid isn't gonna take advantage of that and for the record, a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina.  When they are young, under the age of 18, those two body parts need to be separated.  Don't go all, but honey, the sex you were born as is obsolete, now a days, we go with what we identify with....   I don't care if you identity with one or the other but I'll be dang blammed sure, you will not be allowed to change with my daughters if you have a penis.

Sorry.  That last one fires me up more than I realized.... it is something to think about considering I do have six girls...

Wow.  That was a big squirrel...

HA!

So I get it.  My white cabinets are certainly first world problems.

I am blessed that I have a beautiful house with amazing little humans living in it with me, but if I don't find some humor soon- I'll let all that other muck???  Take me down.

And I can't have that.

So as politically incorrect as I am, and I've always said I am a crazycatholicmomma, I need to laugh to have balance.

So if making fun of some cheep, yucky cabinets, makes me smile, then I feel I've done  my part to help humanity.   Because the last thing you people need is a cranky, depressed, redhead on your hands....

So enjoy this Monday and next time you wipe your cabinets down, smile and think of your crazycatholicmomma friend who just wiped the hardest, greenest, nastiest booger off the cabinet by her fridge...

The Gift that is Today.

There’s a strange phenomenon going on in Western New York this week.  The temperatures have been increasingly unseasonable and today, there was an abundance of sunshine and the temperature was an amazing 74 degrees.   

First of all, it’s November 4th.  Now that might not mean anything to most people, but I have now lived here for almost 6 years and I can assure anyone, that at LEAST in the last six years, there has not been a November where it was 74 degrees.  Today?   We washed the cars.  My #6 daughter had her bathing suit on.  Albeit, she had her Olaf panties over the bathing suit (we’re still working out the potty training logistics- let’s just suffice it to say it made for a great photo op that just might win me millions one day…)  The sky was an absolute crystal clear blue that was so amazingly beautiful it almost hurt my eyes to look at it….

Look at that blue!

Millions, people, millions...

Hey, it’s been a long time since it was this warm AND this sunny!  

But it was amazing.  Everyday this week has been increasingly more beautiful and more warm.  

There’s something about warm sunshine, you know?  Sitting there, eyes closed, sun hitting me, filling me with an almost tingling sensation.  The sun is amazing.  Scary, but amazing.  Dangerous, but amazing.  Don’t worry, I’m going somewhere with this, stay with me.  As I sat there soaking up the sun, watching my nine month old climbing all over the rock garden, banging rocks together, sucking on rocks, eating grass and giggling when I told her to stop, I couldn’t help but think of God.  

God is amazing.  Scary, in that it’s truly a leap of faith to believe in something you can’t entirely see.  Dangerous, because proclaiming your faith boldly can put you in a place many have died as martyrs proclaiming.

As both my daughters played around outside, and I dutifully watched and pointed out all the spots my husband had missed while waxing the van, I felt energized by the sun.  

Much like how I feel when I receive the Eucharist.  Or how I feel when I make a really good confession and come out of the confessional feeling as though the weight of the world was lifted off  my shoulders.  Or how I feel after reading a really great book about my faith.   Or getting together with some amazingly Godly women who help lift me up and make me want to be a better person.  

As I sit here tonight, the ONLY one in my house awake, I  can finally stop, breath, and examine how the day went.  I can finally put into words how I felt all day long.  The way I could see God so clearly in today.  

The sun today was so brilliantly amazing.  I really can’t put into words how beautiful it was today (more because I’m pretty sure the toothpicks holding my eyelids up are about to snap in half).  But as I sit here, and recall what we did, and watching the two little ones play, I can’t help but think about how utterly brilliant God is as well.  The author, designer, painter, sculptor, artist, of this amazing universe gave this day to me!  Little ole me, a silly southern belle, plucked up from her the comfort of her southern roots, to this northern snowland where flip flops after September is almost unheard of.  Where winter coats, snow boots, shovels, snow blowers, are pulled out in early to mid October.  Taking the screens off windows, the swings off swings, the material off of the trampoline, the back porch shade down, have been long before today.    

But today?  On November 4th?  Where almost a year ago to the day my neighborhood was under nearly seven feet of snow?  (the snowvember storm?)  Today, it was 74 degrees.  Sun was shining, yard was mowed.  Cars were washed.  Babies giggled in the sun and played in the water.  And I soaked every single second in.  

My daily journal told me to be “ridiculously grateful for everything today.”  I read that when I first woke up.  

It’s like God was whispering in my ear, ‘hey crazycatholicmomma?  It’s gonna be an amazing day today….  Don’t miss out on one minute of it.’

Thank you, God.  Thank you for this gift that was today.  May I strive to see this gift in every single day I am given.  

The Grass IS always greener where we water, but don't forget to water it....

So last night I couldn't fall asleep.  

I could blame it on the 10 pounds of cookie cake my husband and I scarfed down like scavengers (it was left over from our anniversary on Monday) because I've cut down on my sugar intake (I only use a tablespoon of my awesome creamer) and no other sugar on most days, so perhaps when I consume 500% more than my daily allowance it hypes me up...  

But I think it was something more.  

I was preoccupied with thoughts.  

And they weren't the best thoughts.  

I was rereading a book I bought many years ago, called, Musings from a Catholic Mom.  At least, that's what I think the name is, it's actually in my bathroom upstairs and the tiniest little night terrorist is still asleep in my room, so I don't DARE go back up there until she wakes up.  At a normal hour. 

Anyway- squirrel warning, I've resorted back to earlier post baby birth sleep disorder (YES that's a real condition,  PBBSD). I've been getting less and less sleep because of a multitude of reasons I've reasoned myself to believe. 

1.  The baby is teething.  (she's 9 months old and just got her first tooth, second one is on the way)

2. The baby is cold.  (my husband keeps the house set on 62.  I dress her as warmly as possible, but some nights even I'M freezing.)

3. The baby is having bad dreams.  Can they even dream at 9 months?

4.  She knows I love sleep.  

5. She has decided that waking every hour or so and just letting out a wail for about a minute or two (long enough to really wake me and the hubster up) is the new her...

So there it is.  I'm getting little sleep at night and last night after reading a few pages of that book, I laid in bed thinking about what I read.  

Danielle Bean wrote the book when she had six little ones (I believe she has 8 children now, the book is 10 years old).  She was writing this particular chapter about all the places she had to go one day and all the stares and comments she got.  It resonated with me.  Eerily, the comments, stares, and feelings she had were almost identical to what I've received out in public.  

So I laid there in bed thinking about those things when the strangest thought popped into my head. 

"How were you a failure today?"

Excuse me?  What?  (Don't worry, I do this a lot- converse with myself in my head- it's way better than doing it out loud and causing stares....)

How did you fail your children today?

Wow.  Those words really stung and I had to sit there and ponder who was putting this thought into my head- was it my crazy brain or something darker?

But just as quickly as the question was put in my head, the answers to it started flooding my brain.  How did I fail my children today? 

Oh, let me count the ways, I almost seemed to mock myself.

Didn't get much sleep the night before so I was grouchy.  Snapped at the child who dumped cheerios all over the floor.  Barked at the child who for the 88th time, asked me to do something for them that I forgot to do (of course, good reason to snap at someone else, right?).  Yelled for them to be quiet because once again, the tiny terrorist was getting her best sleep at 7 AM.  

Through out the day?  I stared at my little black box when I should have been interacting with the two year old.  I just watched the tiniest one crawl around instead of talking and playing with her.  I avoided two phone calls from people I really need to talk to, just because I was too mentally exhausted to keep up the front that I'm doing Ga-Ga-Ga-G-R-E-A-T!!!  (said in Tony the Tiger voice...)

Through out the day I grouched and complained about the messes all over my house left by my children.  Shoes I've asked them put up a million times.  Toys I've asked to be brought down to the basement a billion times, clean clothes still sitting at the table.  Washing clothing that I SWEAR I just washed the day before, they did NOT wear this- they literally just STUCK IT BACK IN THE DIRTY CLOTHES BASKET!!!!!!

When they got home (all but one got home on this particular afternoon, which is a rarity these days) I continued the grouchiness of complaints.  Do this, do that, why did you not do this?  Why did you NOT do that?  What ARE you doing?  Where ARE you going?  

Dinner was a disaster, bathtime a nightmare.  Grouchy momma was in full swing and by the time they all went to bed, it was time for me to head there as well.  

So total, I spent ABOUT 5 minutes alone with out any children needing my constant attention (or lack there of).  I was spent.  Exhausted from zero  sleep, exhausted from complaining (hey- it's a tough job) so when this question was put out there in the vastness of my tired brain?   I immediately broke down.... I failed my children terribly!  How many times did I tell them I loved them?   How many times did I tell them I was proud of them?  How many times did I ask them about their day and sit and listen to them talk to me about school? 

Not as much as I complained.  Grouched.  Barked.  Yelled.

So there I was, when I really needed to be asleep, so that the small blocks of sleep that I actually can get won't be lost forever and I turned on my side facing my super hero husband and there the question was posed again.  

How have I failed my husband today?

Ouch.

I made his salad for his lunch today....  

But that's where it stopped.  I was just as grouchy to him because he had to take the giant school bus (ok, it's just a 15 passenger van, but it seems like a school bus) to get the brakes changed and that left me with taking kids to swim, picking kids up from field hockey, and getting kids to bed....all.by.myself.

Let me say that with a bit more whine....

All.by.my.pathetic.pitiful.exhausted.grouchy.self.

There.  Much better.

So laying there, with that question posed in my brain, I suddenly felt extremely guilty for all I had NOT done and all that I HAD done that wasn't so nice to my kids and husband.  

'Wow, God.  You must be really disappointed in me today....'  I  meekly thought to myself.  Here I am, blessed beyond what I deserve, and yet, I can't see just what I preach everyday.  That the grass is greener right where I water it.

But that reminded me of that book I was reading before bed.  It seemed to me that Danielle Bean was being bombarded with the questions, the pitiful glances, the harsh stares and was on overload (again, I haven't finished rereading that chapter so I'm just adding my own opinion to this....)

I'm being bombarded with things right now.   Perhaps I haven't been watering what needs to be watered.... 

We've spent the last two months or so, with FOUR kids in consistent activities almost every single day and a fifth kid in a semi consistent activity.  So 8-10 weeks of constant business starting at about 3 o'clock every afternoon and going sometimes until very late in the evening.  I've had very little family time, very little husband time, and the worst?  Very little me time.  

I need me time.  I know that sounds extremely selfish of me to say, but I am a better wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter, etc, when I get good amounts of me time.  Quiet time alone in prayer, a quiet lunch with just me eating and breathing.  (I find I don't do much breathing when I'm on autopilot and in crazy mode...)  Outings with my friends.  Anything where I can decompress and unwind and just relax, and just be me.  Crazycatholicmomma.    

I know that not many people agree with me.  I remember once, getting into a "discussion" with someone on social media about how important it was for me to have that "me" time and the person told me God gave me my family and I should be with them, not selfishly thinking I "needed" me time.  It hurt a little, but only because this person assumed they knew me and they didn't.  Not everyone needs alone time, or me time or get away for a little time, time... hahaha.  That read funny....

I know myself well enough to know that there are times when I have literally tapped every ounce of patience out of my body.  Remember my 'drink from the cup' blog last week?  Well, just like the many things that come our way that we must drink, we must also recognize when we need to be recharged. 

 

God didn't come down last night and tell me what an awful mom or wife I've been.  He didn't have to.  He knows it hurts me to be that way.  He also knows I can do better.  He knows I'm trying and that's so important for me to remember.  Not that I need to fall back on that as an excuse-'well, I AM trying,' no, I need to remember that I need to do better.  Accept those days when I'll fail, big time, but wake up the next day and try harder.  

Now today?  Well, I started out rather grouchy, the tiniest one had another really bad sleeping night.  I woke up exhausted, and came down and looked rather hairy- literally, but I tried to remind myself that I love these little people with my entire being.  I love that big furry guy who is my super hero husband more than life itself.  These people are so important to me and I need to not only remind myself, but remind them every single day. 

 

Ha.  yes....

So, yes, it's raining.  It's yucky outside.  I've had the least amount of sleep I've had since we started this rodeo of seven crazy kids, but I'm going to try.  I'll muddle through my PBBSD syndrome (ok, it might not be a real disorder....). I'm going to try to be positive today. I'm going to try and not lose my temper when they do something that bothers me. I'm going to try to correct without snapping.... That's a tough one for me.  I'm going to try to rest today without devices around me.... the resting part might be tough, these two monkeys still at home are on completely opposite schedules....but I might let the ole boob tube entertain the two year old during the 9 month old's nap....  Hey, Elmo is a learning show....

But it will all be good.  Cause it's another day I've been given an opportunity to be a part of....And I'm going to water it and appreciate how blessed I am! 

Can I drink from the cup?

This is going to be one gigantic stretch and believe me- I can't really see how on earth I'm going to connect what I'm going to talk about, but start praying right now, as I am, and maybe we'll both see God's hand in this as I think I kind of do....

Can I drink from the cup.  That was the theme of the gospel reading this past Sunday.  Mark 10:35-45.  I'll try to copy and paste the passage if my feeble, exhausted, brain can pull it together before I lose my train of thought.

James and John were wanting to sit at Jesus' right and left.  He basically asked them if they were prepared to drink from his cup.  Jesus' path was not an easy one and his followers would be on that same path if they chose to drink from his cup.  Persecutions, martyrdom, and the like would take most of his disciples and James and John seemed to more concerned with having a high and mighty place to sit by Jesus instead of the focus at hand.  Why Jesus was there....

Why was Jesus there?  To save us of course.

To save us from damnation.

To save us from our sin!

That's not to say people chose to follow him.  Or follow his teachings.  As we can see, people even in biblical times found his teachings to be too difficult and walked away.

Today was a really rough day for me.

Actually, it's been a rough few months.

Ok, it's been a rough almost 9 months.

Who am I kidding.....I'm sorry, it's been a rough 18 months.....

If we look back a year in a half ago, we started on a journey that was completely unexpected.  I know, there are people out there who want to believe with all their hearts that they know who we are, know what we're like, have already determined we are freaks and crazy people for being open to life.  Comparing us to the Duggars (doesn't that get old for people?  Cause it really gets old hearing it....I'm no where near going to reach their numbers....or prayerfully, their public life...)

We've heard all the comments, time and time again.  Are you done?  Will you have anymore?  I can't handle the (fill in ANY  number here, we've heard them all) I have!!!  Can't imagine how you handle all yours....

So when lucky  number 7 surprised us, I was taken aback  but God was working on my heart the entire time.  You can check out my past blogs and read the journey we took to the birth of our awesome little Luci and my very near death experience I had to see how amazing that journey was.

Is.

Cause it's always going.

The cup is constantly being poured out and I'm forced to either drink from it, or let it spill all over me and make a mess on myself with it.  (and you KNOW I'm not a messy person....)

By forced, I don't mean God is forcing me, but He is placing these things in my life to choose one way or the other....  I can sit here, in my self pity and continue to feel like the worst mother on the planet and wait for my "worst mother of the year" award, or I can take the many trials and tribulations and learn from them and get up, ever so slowly, and probably looking more like I need one of those little walkers with the tennis balls on  them, and keep plugging away in this world.

The trials seem to be more apparent to me these days and I am not sure why.   From the personal crosses I've been trying to bear, to the crosses I now see my children having to bear as they get older and try to live a good and holy life.

There have been so many moments of grace with those crosses and that's what I've been trying to focus on.  I started this blog about five times and each one was titled, "Focus on the Positive."  Something kept stopping me from finishing each one (and mostly it was two little somethings age 2 1/2 years,  and 8 months).

Today though, I had a really, really bad day.

Matter of fact, it almost made me do some completely irrational and stupid things.

. 

Like chase down the idiot who decided he wasn't waiting on me to pass two garbage trucks.  TWO.  On a busy road.  He took it upon himself to start passing me just as I was pulling out to pass them after I made sure I wouldn't get hit head on (you see, there's something about being in a head on collision as a teenager that makes me a TAD HESITANT to just drive in the wrong lane... I know, crazy....).  I nearly ran into him as he sped by me.  Signalling of course, because that makes what he did totally ok.  I'm getting sarcastic-time to take a  deep breath and not rehash my anger again.)

I actually yelled and scared my 2 1/2 year old and then I got behind the guy and took a picture of his license plate.  You know, cause I was going to create a "shame NY drivers" website (which has probably already been created) but I was angry and scared and shaking and I wanted JUSTICE.  I wanted that person to know what they did was not only stupid, but incredibly dangerous and put the lives of two of my little peanuts in danger.  I was furious.  I wanted revenge.  AN EYE FOR EYE!

Completely irrational I know...

But I was so mad and ready to move away.  Right there!!

New York and all it's terrible drivers could stick it!  I was done.  I called my husband, a  voice of reason, and even  he was mad for me.  It's not easy to see so many people take such unnecessary risks and put other  people in danger and he has probably had more than enough as well....

He asked where I wanted to live.  I said somewhere far, far away.  A nice remote, isolated area where I will feel safe.... A cave.  A cabin in the deep, deep, deep woods.

Anywhere but where we live.

Where are you going with this, Crazycatholic momma?

Hold on.  I said it would be a stretch.

So after we decided we were moving to a deserted island, I calmed down and drove to my final destination on my errands.  Hobby Lobby.

Something about that store just fills me with an amazing sense of peace.  It's so lovely and full of  crafts and holiday items and fun things I would love to buy, and right now?  There are a billion items for Christmas.  Trees, ornaments, decorations, wrapping paper, bows, lights, wreaths, you name it.  They have it.

As I took the stroller down each aisle and heard my 2 1/2  year old oooooh and aaaaaahh outloud, I did the same thing inside.  (ok, and outside, too.  We both were ooooohing and aaaaaahhing together!)

I was taking deep breaths and feeling more and more at peace and human again.  I even took a picture and sent it to my husband and told him, "I'm in my happy place..."

My  Happy Place

As the peace came over me, my rational self came back and my irrational self slowly diminished.  It's not a side of myself that I'm particularly proud of.   It's rather embarrassing at times.  The voice of reason gets drowned out as crazymomma goes into psycho mode....

But as the peace came back, so did the clarity of events of the past year in a half.  We can say we've had some pretty tough things happen and surprises we didn't expect, or see coming.   Some health issues that were a bit of shock, and an expense that we didn't plan for.  A stint with some depression that probably ran one or two people out of my life.  Some issues with our children that have been really tough to deal with, but nothing that we couldn't handle with God's grace.  

Because you see, with every single set back, I began to notice something.  There was a grace moment.  

I always tell my kids that God sends these moments everyday, all day long if we just opened our eyes to them.  

Nowadays, we're so bombarded with our little hand held devices, computers, TV's, busy schedules, and lack of quiet time, we don't always see those  grace moments.

The moments that God shows us that yes we can drink from the cup.  

I have never been so aware of how difficult it is to be a person of faith in this world as I am today.  I don't  just mean a 'Sunday go to church' faith person, I mean someone who clearly tries, (and fails constantly) to live their faith in this world. 'People will hate you.  Know that they hated me first.'  

That's from John 15:18-27.  A fantastic gospel.  'If you belonged to the world, the world would love it's own; but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you.  Remember the word I  spoke to you, 'no slave is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you....'  

It goes on and is really just so comforting.  Jesus' words are like that.  Comforting.  

He later speaks in chapter 16, verse 33, 'I have told you this so that you  might have peace in me.  In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.'

And thank you, Jesus, for doing just that.  I take comfort in that.  

When drivers drive like maniacs.  People compare us to the Duggars.  Friends grow distant and move away.  Children struggle in their own faith lives.  People disappoint us.  Jesus has been here.  Done that, and is waiting for us  to be with him in Heaven.

When we drink from the cup, we can stand strong and have courage.  

It won't be an easy path.  It won't be a completely happy path.  There will be tough times.  There will be joyful times.  There will be difficult times and almost unbearable times.  We  will want to quit the race, but we can't.  We must persevere and keep going.  

It will be God's path.  And if we keep our eyes open and on Him, we will see those beautiful graces he places ever so subtly in our lives.  

For example, I just got on my phone to look up the exact scripture for the John 15- all I typed in google was,  'scripture verse......'

 And google finished it for me with, '.......if the world hates you.'

God moment for today?

Potty training, baby cruising, Christmas in October, and other Horrors....

So....

I was feeling like MOM OF THE YEAR yesterday morning....

Wanna know why?

I thought my 2  1/2 year old had potty trained herself.

Yep.

I thought, "I have this parenting thing in.the.bag."

Honestly.  I even put it on Facebook that it was crazy, weird, never planned on doing it, blah, blah, blah...

Giving me her "peace sign and kiss" after going potty on the toilet...

There is where I should have ended this party.

Because despite the beautiful morning of using the bathroom, peeing every time and even pooing on the toilet,  I should have known it was too good to be true!!!!!

Yea-she's adorable alrite....

You see, after an entire morning of pooing and peeing perfectly?  She decided enough was enough.  And pretty much spent the entire afternoon and evening pooing and peeing on everything BUT the toilet.  And let me tell you, I can do a lot of things, I mean, things I never imagined I would EVER do as an adult, or human  for that matter, but there are at least ONE pair of Olaf undies in the trash, and a bit o pride along with them.....

Nothing says, "this parenting is so easy,"  like a humiliating moment.  Not saying her regression indicates a humiliating moment, but wow, you get a little cocky with this parenting and wouldn't it be fitting that the child you're parenting puts you back in your place and reminds you that you are no where NEAR perfect, that each child brings his/her own challenges and hold on, momma,  cause the roller coaster just got a little crazier....

So, this morning, in true crazymomma fashion, since the definition of insanity is doing the same thing OVER AND OVER AGAIN and expecting different results, I put more panties on that little peanut.

Needless to say- after spending the entire morning cleaning up URINE in various places of my home, she is officially back in her cute little Luv Diapers....  Whatever- don't give me that line that I've now contributed to her future on Jerry Springer- cause she's gonna be on that show for completely DIFFERENT reasons- none related to the fact that her momma wised up and decided she in fact, was not ready for undies and my house, is in fact, not a giant litter box....

So, back to the drawing board with that little nut....

But WOW.  This morning I took it hard.  I'm talking, pride hard.  Like, let me look and see exactly where did I mess this up?   I was almost in tears after the third little puddle because we had honestly, just sat on the toilet for TWENTY MINUTES.....  

See, when you potty train, you have to take them CONSTANTLY, so they'll get used to going and you do all these bizarre tricks (which don't work, but we do them anyway) like reading a book, (my most favorite are the "potty books" people have actually spent money on), or turning on the water, or sitting on the floor and begging, pleading with the little terrorist to please use the bathroom....

Hahahahahaha....oh  lordy, so true....

All in vain.  The bribing of M&M's that worked so beautifully yesterday morning?   She laughed.  Scoffed even.  I was depleted.  This little, bitty, 23 pound peanut, had me over a barrel and the sad thing was, I was letting her win.... gladly.  

But isn't that how life is?  Sometimes we just want the prize.  We want the prize without actually having to do any struggling or suffering or anything.  We want the easy button and we want it immediately.   And don't you think for one second I wasn't pleading and bargaining with God all.morning.long.   

It sounded something like this:

Lord, I've managed to potty train 5 other children.  Why is this one being so stubborn?  Please?  Lord?  Do you hear me?   Don't you agree with me?   Won't you please  help her pee/poo on the toilet?   I do so much for you.  How about if I do more?  I'll pray more.  How about if I promise not to yell when my kids do something?  How about if I make an extra donation in the collection basket this week.  You hear me, right, Lord?   

Well, He was having nothing to do with helping me with  potty training today, and rightly so.  He's charged me with the care of this little Tazmanian Devil and has certainly promised to listen to me, but in no way has He promised to make raising this terror any easier than it has to be.  Some life lessons are important to learn.  

Like Pride.  Pride is especially important to learn.  We tend to let our society suck us into believing that we are all gods and that things should just work because we exist.  I believe that's the problem with so many people today who suffer from depression or anxiety.  We've let ourselves believe this lie that things should just work and go our way without complication so much so that the first time we face a complication, our worlds literally fall apart and we can't cope.  

Thankfully, I have some amazing people in my life who not only are my biggest cheerleaders, but they are my biggest support team and they assure me daily, that no, it's not  always easy.  No, you aren't always going to "win the big one" or have perfect days everyday, or even, dare I say, get a child potty trained the moment you think it should happen.  I'm always saying I'm like clay in God's hands yet, I struggle with accepting that as a parent of my own children.  

Today, though, my husband sent me the most amazing, amazing text after I had officially given up and put the diaper back on my little Taz-

Look at his words!

Do you see that?  That my friends is true love.  I LOVE that man and thank God every minute I can that  he placed him in my life.  He truly completes me.  He makes me want to be a better person.  I am blessed....So  much so,  I'm able to go on with day, and chop that potty training miracle as just that.  A tiny little miracle to give me hope, that one day that little terror will be in underwear for good....until then, though....there are lots of other fun and exciting things  going on at the crazymomma house up north....

The baby is absolutely moving with unstoppable speed these days.  So much so that I'm terribly afraid that she'll be walking by 10 months at the latest- 9 months at the earliest (she's 8 months and some change).  It's absolutely hysterical to watch this little tiny peanut cruising around the couches and squealing when her siblings call her.... I posted a video of her such cruises.... the Taz two year old is asleep (probably dreaming about the different ways to cause momma to clean up pee...)

So the baby is crazy.   The two year old is crazy, and now that I'm liberated and free and can just toss these two yahoos in the bus and go shopping whenever I want, I need to hit some stores and see if there are ANY Halloween decorations left.  The picture below shows what we found when we went to BJ's last weekend.  Seriously.  Halloween dragons and Christmas trees....   Who decorates these stores???  And honestly, can we just try to save Christmas decorations for November 1st?  Or, dare I say it, October 15?  23rd?  30th??  I just don't understand.  It's like when I need winter clothing for my kids.  If I don't hit the stores July 31st?   It's gone.  Nada.  Nothing left.  And forget snow shoes/bibs.   I needed to order those bad boys in April.  That's when they're all on sale.  Now they're jacked up 88% more than they're worth.... Guess it's Wegman's shopping bags for your feet, kids....

Just kidding....

Dragons and Christmas trees.   Just wrong....

Enjoy your hump day..... and do some praying today- you might be pleasantly surprised  what comes of it....

Excellent analogy....

Christmas shopping in September in the pouring down rain....

I should probably clarify the title- I mean, it officially is now LESS than three months until Christmas.  Is anyone else out there as horrified as I am at that thought?

Probably not- because most people do not have a houseful of children and most people are not like us crazy people and only buy our children ONE gift for Christmas.  I mean Santa brings one, but that still only equals TWO gifts for Christmas.  Which, x's 7 equals 14.  Which is a lot, but not for seven children.

So I'm freaking out a bit today as I sit here in front of my computer perusing the "Toys of 2015" which are nothing more than a bunch of electronic CRAP that I refuse to buy mostly because-let's do the math here, 7 gifts x's 200 dollars each- Hmmmmmm......yep- 1400.00    Pretty sure the superhero hubs would remove my credit cards from my possession and fire me as grand marshal shopper of our family... (which might be worth it because every year I get stuck with getting all the Christmas gifts and coming up with gift ideas for some of my minions is rather difficult because they ask for things WE CAN'T AFFORD!!!!)

It's pouring down rain, too, so the mood is less than exciting, because let's face it, when it rains, like it's raining today, that soft, constant cool rain, all we really want to do is sleep.  Which is what my two youngest ARE doing....

But I'm really trying to find meaningful gifts.  I do that every year, not that this year is any different, but gifts they really like, and have special meaning to them AND are practical.  (which is tough- cause practical gifts usually involve a package of undergarments..... just sayin').

I feel like becoming nostalgic this year and making a list of the gifts I want my children to receive for Christmas.

My list would look  something like this:

1.  Good friends.

    My children do not have a large abundance of friends.  I'm sure they could list people they talk to, or play with at school, or do superficial chit chat with through out the day, but as far as good friends go?  I'm talking that friend you could share your deepest darkest secret crush to?  The one you could split a milk shake with, hang with and say two words together and yet communicate so much more... My children don't have that.  And it's my fault.

I struggle with that greatly.

My husband and I both do.  We had good friends growing up.  But for some reason, life was either simpler than, or we are just horrible parents because we have chosen to raise our children with their faith ingrained in their lives.  Interwoven.  So many "friends" that are out there look at my kids like they're strange- they don't dress the same, or wear the "latest fashion" (which is really getting on my nerves after ALL THESE DECADES....), they certainly don't listen to the same music- seriously parents- y'all NEED to listen to the lyrics your little angel is singing, it ain't pretty.  They don't "date" which frankly, no kid should date- come on parents, dating is an act that is supposed to help you find your soulmate- ya think your 12 year old is ready for their soulmate?  Yea, no....
Sorry- rant over- so good friends.  That's gift idea #1.

2. Stronger Faith.

  I tell my kids all the time they must trust God.  And that's hard.  Especially when we live in a culture that "seeing is believing" and having "faith" of any kind in God, or religion is actually made to be a sign of counterintelligence.  'Only the stupid oxen have religion' I remember reading.  Since we live in a culture that loves to make you think YOU are a god and people should worship YOU, it's only fitting that once again, my children are left in the dark on this journey of life.  I want them to believe strongly that there is something more beyond this world.  That living in the "now" isn't always going to make you happy, but that there is something so much more joyful to come.  It's really hard.  Sometimes painfully hard, to see my kids struggle with right and wrong.  And seeing their friends, or acquaintances, do whatever and not have any worries about sin or forgiveness, or responsibility for that matter... Faith, and more of it, would give them the confidence in what they profess every Sunday.

3.  Love in abundance

My kids  have two parents who love them fiercely.  Madly if you will.  But they also have two parents who yell a lot.  There are excuses we could give- it's loud in the house, people don't listen, some are upstairs, some are downstairs, but really the only thing we have to blame is ourselves.  We yell and in turn, we are teaching our children to yell.  I want them to speak with love.  I want to give them so much love that they share that love with one another.  I'm always the first to say they would treat a total stranger with better care than their own siblings.  Which I could say about myself and them as well.  But love.   Abundant love.  I want that for them.

4. A dislike of materialism

I'm afraid to say it, but my children are already, even though we limit so much with them, becoming materialistic to an extent.  Unfortunately some of it is our fault, but some of it is completely out of our hands.  They see things at school, children with the latest greatest gadgets and clothing and shoes and they "have to have it."  They are forced to have electronic devices of some type to keep up online with their classes.  (that one really bugs me) and therefore seeing all they have access to and "need."  It's disheartening.  I want them to just enjoy the world.  To be able on a sunny day to just sit outside.  Soak in the sunshine.  Ride their bikes.  Take a walk. Play with a  younger sibling outside.

These are just a few of the "gifts" I'd like to "buy" my kids.  I am feeling rather melancholy and hopefully this rain will pass on and the sun will come back out, but until then- it IS less than three months until Christmas.

EEK!!!

 

The Pope, my nutty family, and TGIF

First, I want to address something almost unreal going on right now....

There are TONS of people watching, visiting, listening, and GLUED to the Pope right now.... Why?  Well, that's the phenomenon....

He's in the United States right now, and to be honest, I don't think there are many world religions who can garnish such amazing turn outs like the Popes of the Catholic church.   Seriously.

But what is more amazing to me is the amount of people who LOVE him.  I mean, deeply love him.  Who are not even Catholic.  My prayer is that despite what the media would LOVE to make people think, this Pope, who often, VERY often, quotes his two prior predecessors, is as Catholic as Catholic comes, and people recognize that....

He's staunchly pro-life- from the womb to the tomb.

He's staunchly pro-marriage- even mentioning to congress that is the reason why he's even HERE in the US!!!!

He's not changing anything in the Catholic faith.   (he apparently said that on the plane ride from Cuba??)  Which, duh.  We knew that.

But what I loved most is that I think, just a teeny, tiny, tiny, super tiny bit, he's softening these die hard Catholics who just need to relax....

Because some of them have a hard time trusting him.

So, with that said.....  LOVE the Pope, can't WAIT to see the pictures my friends who are there will post.  Can't WAIT to hear all the stories that don't make the secular news -
Which, by the way- can't pass this up- read online last night that there was one very funny mistake a certain secular news/radio outlet ran-

It read something like this:

"Pope Francis wears green during ceremony to show solidarity in wanting climate changes."

OH.MY.HEAVENS....

Can I get a giggle sound inserted here????

Excellent....

No, I don't mean to laugh- well yes I do.  Mostly because as much as I love when my faith gets on TV (in a positive note) I really get annoyed when media does NOT do their research.  Or perhaps actually thinks to hire someone who is a practicing Catholic, or has at least been to Mass in the last decade or century, and can catch that tiny little error....

They must of realized the errors of their ways, because I can no longer find the article.

It's ordinary time.  Priests and deacons wear green during ordinary time.  FYI my non- Catholic, Catholic experts....

So onto my nutty family.


I need prayers.  My whole family needs prayers.

The devil is real.  Anyone who tries (and believe me, I've actually had close people in my life try to tell me the devil isn't real), anyone who tries, to tell me the devil isn't real, well, if you get near me?  I'll smack ya.  And no, it won't be that cute, 'oh you're so funny' smack.  It'll be a 'hang on a sec, while I grab the blessed salts and the holy water and smack you with both' smack.....

The devil is real.  And JUST like Pope Francis said to congress- marriage and the family are under attack these days.  He didn't specify an attacker, but let's be real for second.

Does anyone read that best seller put together oh, about 1700 years ago called, "the bible?"  If you don't, you should.  If you've never, you better, and if you scoff at me, well, please stand back, cause it's real and even Jesus Christ talks about the evil one.  Even if you DON'T believe the book of Genesis can help you see how God created and wanted the world to be before the fall of man, you can't dispute the fact that Jesus Christ, and his predecessors, have talked about the evil one, since the beginning of Jesus' ministry....

Shoot- one of my kiddos (the one named after a modern day saint who's DAUGHTER IS AT THE CONVENTION IN PA THIS WEEK!!!!  And the daughter is actually a first class relic in the flesh- think about that one for minute..... uh-MAZING!) anyway- sorry for the squirrels today- my daughter who is #4 in the food chain named after St. Gianna Beretta Molla, loves the book of Job.  Job loves God but God wants to prove to the devil that Job really does love God.  Anyway- go read it, it's too much to type and I've got way too much to vent (oops, talk) about here, but honestly, we've been lamenting over evil for well on a gazillion years.....

The devil is destroying family and marriage at every place imaginable.  First and foremost- babies can only come, (naturally mind you-take science, drugs, un-natural out of the equation) babies can only from a man and a woman during a specific act.  (seriously, don't make me go there...I have seven children- should I draw a picture???)

Ok, I won't.   But let's be honest.  Babies conceived naturally, the way nature, God, intended, come specifically one way.

Families are being torn apart.  And here is where I might lose some people.  

Marriages are being destroyed, we can see this.  It's a given.  Between the culture of no-fault divorce, men AND women addicted to porn and therefore creating this incredible delusion of "love" and what love "looks" like, the world making us feel as though marriage is not a necessary part of life anymore since we have science and drugs that can "make" us have children.  We don't have to look very far to see that even though we should UNDERSTAND that societies can not continue without "old fashioned" marriages producing and raising offspring to help continue the society, we can't see past the fact that the society wants us to believe marriage is obsolete.  Archaic.  And unfortunately, I've seen some say so much as, barbaric.  

How dare a woman lose her identity to a mere MAN....

Did I miss something?   Have we decided to stop the train a floor shy of the top floor?  Cause we is heading down a track that is volatile with these ideas.....but I digress and darn it- saw another squirrel.....

Families however, are being destroyed much more subtly.  

And the devil is hard at work with all his scary minions making it their top priority to destroy the family.  

Pope Francis recognizes this and I can honestly say I can not WAIT to hear his homily at Mass for the world family meeting.  I know it's been on his heart as well.  I have been reading on the Vatican website his various talks/homilies he's been giving.  (seriously, if people would just read from the horse's mouth, they would see that this man is about as Catholic as Catholic comes...)

And this is where I need your prayers.   

You see, the devil is working overtime on my family.  Which is what evil does.  It digs into the deep recesses of your most intimate and personal part of your life.  Mine?  Is my children.  I love each one of my babies with a passion.  A healthy passion mind you, I haven't time to be a hovercraft parent, but it's a passion nonetheless...

Nothing breaks a mother's heart worse than seeing a child decide that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, teaching them to know the difference between right, wrong, a lie, a truth, making good choices and staying away from bad, that making bad choices is just how they're going to live their young life.  

I am broken right now.  I thought I was making strides with this child.  And before you say it- yes, kids do dumb things.  Kids are absolute morons at times.... I get it.  But when you decide time and time again to lie, steal, be deceitful, choose the bad choice, well, eventually, that life turns into a grown up life of making those same decisions.....and we all know what happens to grown ups who are deceitful, liars, and thieves....

So last night, my husband and I discovered that one of ours has been a little less than honest about school, school work, and lying to our faces about it all!!!

The first thing that happened is that several siblings started crying.  They love this sibling, and have been rooting for this child to make good decisions.  That turned into a huge debacle as my superhero hubs and I got angry.  

Anger isn't a bad thing.  Shoot, Jesus cursed the fig tree.  He turned the money changers tables over in the temple.  He got angry.  Anger is ok.  It's how we direct our anger and yes, there was some anger that was not directed in an appropriate way.  

I'm going to be incredibly raw here.  And pray to God no one calls child social services because, dammit, parents can't be friggin parents anymore without worrying about being arrested for being real.....so just relax and know we are about as normal as it gets....

I yelled.  I told my child that time and time again I have been lied to.  Eyes looked into mine and so easily and honestly lied.  Without batting an eyelash!  You know how kids can get that certain look about them when you know they're lying?   This child doesn't have it.  It's amazing (well, I need to see some positive...)but absolutely frightening at the same time.  I suppose when this particular child is an adult and gets kidnapped by some horrible terrorist, they will believe the lies as well... 

Insert a humorous face, please to somewhat lighten a depressing mood here....

Close enough...

We were angry last night.  My children were all upset.  We were not speaking to each other as parents/spouses. 

See how sin/evil can tear a family up?

One simple, little, teeny, tiny lie. 

One simple, little, teeny, itty, bitty lie.  

Becomes two simple lies.

Which becomes three simple lies.

Which eventually becomes a few complicated lies.

Which eventually becomes more complicated lies and a few really difficult to explain lies.

One after another, after another until the light shines just a bit in the darkness. Exposes that original lie and the wall of lies comes out like a toilet overflowing with crap in it....  

I know, before you say it.  I have toilet issues.  Clearly I have a potty mouth.   Ok, that was funny and I didn't intend it to be....

But I also have six girls who I can assure ANYONE, are nastier than the one boy I have when it comes to toilet etiquette.   I promise....

So back to the lava of toilet yuck flowing....

BTW- side note squirrel here- don't ever, oh Lord, promise me, EVER google images of toilets overflowing.  

I have seen things that have been permanently burned onto my retinas and won't disappear until I die....

Anyway- the volcano of toilet water, AKA-lies, exploded last night after a few suspicious things came about.  We got mad.  We yelled.  We cried.  Siblings defended their sibling out of misguided love, but love nonetheless.  Mom and Dad got mad at each other.  It was pandalerium.  And I'm not trying to make light of a very serious situation.  My child needs to realize that life is all about choices and with these choices come consequences and these consequences can be good or bad-all dependent on the CHOICES we make.  And choices can be both good and bad.  Sometimes we get several GOOD choices, but most often we are faced with the dilemma of choosing between good and evil.  

And let me remind you- I've blogged about how attractive sin is.... if it were packaged the way it really looked?   We wouldn't choose it!  Matter of fact, if it were packaged the way it truly looked?   We would RUN from it!

Sin lurking in the box

But sin isn't packaged that way.  It's tempting.  That's why we call it temptation.  And it's completely and solely up to us to choose to avoid it, or run into it's arms....

I worry about my children.  I try not to.  But we live in a world where morality has been made to look like a disease and immorality made to look like the best choice.  My children are up against a stacked deck when it comes to battling this world.  Everything we've tried to teach them, instill in them, raise them understanding, will be challenged.  They will be faced, daily I'm guessing, with temptations that will test their very being....to the core.  

And I can tell you, I feel it in my bones that the more this child keeps giving into the temptation of lying, stealing, and being deceitful?  The easier it will be for the world to swallow this child up....

And that, my friends, breaks my heart into a million splintering pieces. 

My baby.   My flesh and blood.  Part of my superhero husband and I.  A piece of my soul.  And all I can do is shout to the God of the Universe, "WHY?"   Why won't this child of mine listen.  Why won't this child of mine stop lying to me?   Why won't this child understand that for years, we've been trying to teach that honesty is the best policy and no matter what, the truth always, always, ALWAYS, seeps it's way out, no matter what, because light can't be destroyed.

Needless to say, I fell asleep on the couch in a hot ball of tears and sadness and fleeting despair.  My baby must of sensed it as well, because she was up from 1:30-4am this morning upset and crying as well.....so I sit here, on this stupid little blue box and type.  While the crazy Taz eats snack number 23 at 9:43 this morning.  And I drink my sugarless coffee and eat my glutenless breakfast and have my 30th pity party this morning....

My family left this morning angry, tired, hurt, sad, and lost. 

And that is why I need your prayers. 

It's Friday.  It's the weekend.  For the love of God and all that's holy- spend time this weekend in prayer.  Spend time this weekend in prayer alone in silence, with your spouse, and then with your entire family.  

And also- go to Church.  

It's an amazing love story, where you're brought up to Heaven, ever so quickly, and united with the angels, saints, and our Lord.  I need it.  If I need it, I know we all do. 

Blessings to you from~

~crazycatholicmommaof7