Monday, November 16, 2015

Monday morning, white cabinets, and one feisty redhead....

First and foremost- if you're a builder- and why not- builders could be reading my blog.  Stranger things have happened.

If you're a builder, and you're looking at designs for a kitchen for a house that you'll probably build for a modest family of, let's be generous, and say, four kids and two parents (there's a rare gem), you might want to consider a few things.  First of all, when you decide on what works and doesn't work in a house, you may want to consider the colors of items.  Next, people like things to last.  Longer than expected....

But, let's say you're sitting there designing your next build for this family.   Suddenly you get this brilliant idea.

White cabinets.

'Oooooh,' you think.

'What a great idea,' you say.  Out loud.  Presumably, your partner is equally impressed with this new 'gem' of an idea and you immediately set to work.

I'm here to tell you, RUN MY FRIEND the builder.

Run like your pants are ON FIRE.

Because there could be NO.WORSE.IDEA then white cabinets in a house that will potentially house people UNDER the age of, well, in reality, under.....well, let's be real here, dead.

I will tell you why.

There isn't a human in my house, age range starting from 46 and dropping all the way down to 9 months, who hasn't gotten something naasssty on these here white cabinets.

And what makes it even worse?

They are cheaply made white cabinets.

Not that I would know what "expensive" white cabinets would look like, but I can assure anyone, builder, designer, architect, Lego builder, statistician, plumber, doctor, etc, you get my drift, that white cabinets?  They are a nasty tragic mess waiting to happen.

Take mine for instance.

Fortunately, I have multiple subjects to test out my theories on just about anything you need a theory tested out on....

My house is soon to be six years old.

Young, some would say.

Brand, spanking new, others would say.

And lo, I would be inclined to agree.

But these here white cabinets that the genius who built this house thought would look sooooo good and are featured in the likes of Ethan Allen magazines, with  matching black appliances and a precious granite counter top to boot?

These cabinets were picked up on the side of the road, OR they were on sale at the "don't ever put in anyone's house who actually would BUY the house" store.

Oh, the first few years were a honeymoon for sure.  But then slowly and surely, the test of time came crashing down like a child in a glass store riding a tricycle blindfolded.

Kind of like the roofing company that put shingles designed for a child's toy house on my roof, the people in charge of cabinets, clearly struck a deal, and that deal expired about a year ago.

My cabinets are peeling.

No, literally, PEELING....  Oh, I'll take a picture of it.  But keep in mind, I've put CLEAR DUCT TAPE ON IT SO IT WON'T PEEL COMPLETELY OFF......

The one I haven't taped because I RAN OUT of tape...

Ignore the permanent stains of nasty....but here's tape!

More  tape....and permanent stains...
The screws are also stripping, so this is my super hero hubs "quick fix"

So they're peeling.

My kids are all like, "Hey why don't we just peel all the cabinets and paint them white again?"

I smacked them.  Don't worry.  I'll never, ever, purposely put white cabinets in my house ever again.

So my house is six years old, and yes, while I have double, maybe even triple the number of humans living in the space, the cabinets have not lived out what I would even think would be half their lifespan.

Not only are they peeling, but they show every.single.piece. of dirt, smudge, fingerprint, food dropped, coffee spill, unidentifiable science experiments... name it, I bet I can find it on my cabinets.....

Now, I know what you're thinking.

'Seriously, crazycatholicmomma? You gonna go there?'

I know.  I truly do.  In a world, where people are in an uproar about a red cup, (I really missed the boat on that one- someone who hates a store for the color of cups might be crazier than me) where college kids (let me say that again) college kids, are staging ridiculous stances to have presidents of their colleges fired because there aren't enough of a certain race/color/creed working, (forget the fact that we all apply for jobs and are hired for our abilities, talents, degrees, or merits), where terrorists are running rampant and killing innocent lives almost daily (the news subtly avoided the Lebanon bombings before the Paris attacks....)

Where people in our own country go to bed hungry and people in third world countries go to bed hungry because their governments are railroading aid.

Where my children, especially my daughters, will have to face the reality that one day, as they change for gym in the girls locker room, a boy, who claims to identity with girls and not boys, will be allowed to change in the locker room with her.

You can call me a hater all you want for that one- but there are creepy people in this world, and don't you think for one little bitty second that some kid isn't gonna take advantage of that and for the record, a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina.  When they are young, under the age of 18, those two body parts need to be separated.  Don't go all, but honey, the sex you were born as is obsolete, now a days, we go with what we identify with....   I don't care if you identity with one or the other but I'll be dang blammed sure, you will not be allowed to change with my daughters if you have a penis.

Sorry.  That last one fires me up more than I realized.... it is something to think about considering I do have six girls...

Wow.  That was a big squirrel...

Image result for image of squirrel from the movie

So I get it.  My white cabinets are certainly first world problems.

I am blessed that I have a beautiful house with amazing little humans living in it with me, but if I don't find some humor soon- I'll let all that other muck???  Take me down.

And I can't have that.

So as politically incorrect as I am, and I've always said I am a crazycatholicmomma, I need to laugh to have balance.

So if making fun of some cheep, yucky cabinets, makes me smile, then I feel I've done  my part to help humanity.   Because the last thing you people need is a cranky, depressed, redhead on your hands....

So enjoy this Monday and next time you wipe your cabinets down, smile and think of your crazycatholicmomma friend who just wiped the hardest, greenest, nastiest booger off the cabinet by her fridge...

Image result for shocked face

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