Seven kids. Five in school. One insane toddler who absolutely does not talk intelligibly. Oh, and a baby who LOVES to stay up late and makes me a tad tired during day.
Today the small peanut was up at 5:50AM. Now, lately, I've just been getting up after nursing her and just getting ready for the day. Mostly because the kids during the school week are up at 6, but also because when I fall back asleep, I tend to sleep HARD for an hour, have the wackiest dreams possible and wake up super hard and feel incredibly groggy.
So what did I choose to do today? Yep. You guessed it. I fell back asleep. I was SOOOOO very tired and thought the extra hour would do me good. The older 4 can pretty much get themselves ready for school and my oldest two have come to expect rarely seeing me at 6am....although I am trying to make more of a physical appearance as of late....
But, as usual, after 7 I woke up groggy and feeling incredibly exhausted. Why didn't I JUST get up and stay up at 5:50??? I was awake, I wasn't crabby and I could have taken a shower. Oh, wait. I just admitted I don't shower. Oh well. I am rather unfiltered, so I suppose the fact I don't shower every day should not probably surprise anyone....or perhaps it does....
I woke up feeling even more tired than when I went to bed last night. I had some crazy bizarre dreams and even remembered some of the dreams. When you dream about your neighbors and your big ole bus you drive, and snow, you know you're exhausted.
But I woke up tired and angry because I realized I would NOT get to shower and I forgot I needed to go to Target to get some things that had been on my list for a MONTH. I'm not even exaggerating there. Ask my husband. It's been on my bathroom counter growing each week.
So I quickly got dressed and got the last three kiddos off to school and fed the toddler and got the baby all ready for a road trip. There were a few things on my list that were essential I buy today. But the other things I was basically going to price. I had a few gift cards leftover to use for some "fun" things, like onesies for the baby, underwear for the toddler (God help me in that endeavor...) and some towels for my bathroom. I needed (and yes, I use that word loosely) sheets for my bed, pajamas for my oldest, and these fabulous nursing pads that two of my friends use called 'lily pads.'
Fast forward. I'm in my mini van. Driving with the toddler and baby in the back seat. I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I've got the double stroller, the diaper bag, a snack for the toddler, her water bottle. I'm the BOMB!!!
I should stop the blog there because anything OTHER than being the bomb occurred after that. Well, maybe a bomb did occur. It slowly became a GONG show and when I pulled in the parking lot and had to drive half a mile out of the way because they were blacktopping big holes everywhere, I should have taken that as my clue to head back home, IMMEDIATELY....
But instead, in true crazymomma fashion, I hohummed my way into the store, and was no where near prepared for what ensued....
My first mistake was the double stroller. In an effort to remain germ free, I insist on the double stroller. The problem here is that the car seat actually causes the back seat of the stroller to need to be flat. Therefore, I can NOT stick things (i.e. items I am buying...) in the bottom where one could normally place items. So in true crazymomma fashion, I thought I could pull a cart and push the stroller!
Don't say it. I already know.....First word into my head was something I can not type here, but the PG version would be 'idiot.' Can we agree to that? Good.
So once I walked about 50 feet into the store trying to push a double stroller and pull a target cart, I realized it was not going to happen. (have I mentioned how well I handle humility???)
I abandoned the cart over by the beauty products. Essentially, I felt, I was leaving another customer an easy way to get a cart who may have realized their purchases were too many and they needed a cart. Call me a 'good Samaritan' if you will. The only thing is, I pretended I needed a product at the end of the aisle and basically RAN AWAY FROM THE CART.
I can only hope that no one was videotaping my asinine move.
Once I figured no one saw me escape from my "cart," I proceeded to lay low by rolling through the back of all the aisle ways. (yes, I know I have issues....no need to alert anyone else about them...)
I hurriedly ran across the main aisle and darted into the kitchen aisle and pretended to be fascinated with a new Keurig. I don't need one, but I needed to look distracted. At that moment, my James Bond meets McGyver act came crashing to a halt.
The peanut started to spit up, but got choked on her spit up. She scared me because she was having trouble catching her breath while she coughed, so I hurriedly pulled her out of her seat and picked her up. She was fine, but when I tried to place her back in her car seat, she had decided that me holding her was the ONLY way she would continue on this journey, we'll call, the TRAIN WRECK....
I foolishly believed I could get through the store quickly and painlessly while holding her, and pushing the double stroller.
Side note- empty car seat, in the back of a double stroller, with a 30-40 pound toddler in the front seat, makes for a rather difficult time in pushing in any direction but straight. I had several aisles to maneuver through, so imagine my dilemma. It was becoming comical, much to my dismay...
The next item of business to get was the lily pad package. This is apparently the next greatest invention to sliced bread. They are nursing pads and incredibly, will NOT move from their position. Maybe they have some sear sucker action? I wouldn't know, because, I spent about TEN minutes in the breastfeeding aisle and couldn't find them ANYWHERE!!! At this point, I wanted to cry. My friends swore by them and were convinced I could find them with no problem.
Suddenly, little peanut spit up all.over.the.floor.
I'm talking something that would probably need a friggin MOP AND BUCKET to clean up.
Ok. Running is stretching it a bit- but I sure as heck pushed that darn stroller as fast as a one legged dog could push a cart.... (is that even possible? Who cares at this point...)
I moved to my next destination. Sheets.. I found a nice set, "on sale" because really, the way things are getting, when it's "on sale" anymore, it's basically just regular priced from a year ago. Tossed into stroller. At this point, peanut is getting heavy. She has to be pushing 16 pounds and my one arm is starting to shake.... Quiver....
My last item I went looking for I never found. Pajamas for my oldest. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but she's 15 years old and is SIX FEET TALL....
The girl has grown literally out of all her pj's. She is traveling with me later this week and just needs a nice decent pair of pajamas.
No offense, Target, but the only jammies I found came in two styles. Old lady and prostitute.
Who in their right mind wears some of these clothing items labeled PAJAMAS!?!? Honestly. Have we as a society just decided to toss the idea of modesty or just plain DECENCY out the cotton pickin' window? I believe so. I found some interesting moo moos. Some rather bizarre tank top hoochie momma tops and some incredibly SHORT SHORT bottoms, but I found nothing in the form of ACCEPTABLE for my 15 year old. I could have bought a moo moo, but I didn't want to insult her cute style and I certainly wasn't going to buy her something she'd be looking like she needed to go downtown and stand on the street corner cat calling in either!
At this point, my frustration level was through the roof, and the little peanut pooped and began to let me know she was ready to get a clean diaper. The toddler had also decided she too wanted out of her cage and was doing everything in her power to escape the double stroller.
I am pretty sure my head was about to explode....
I'm rounding the corner heading to the checkout when I suddenly get that sick feeling in my stomach. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I am probably one of the ONLY people left on the planet that does NOT have a Target credit card. I say that because every single time I check out from that store, they ask if I want to open an account and save 5%. Nothing would please my husband more than for me to save him money. However, his idea of me saving money is basically not shopping....but getting another credit card, is NOT his idea of saving money...EVER... For whatever reason, I get so insanely stressed when I go through the checkout and have to tell them no. For whatever reason again, I seem to be plagued with visiting the most DETERMINED employees that insist on knowing exactly WHY I won't cave and just get the card. I mean, it's 5%!!! Why on God's green earth would you NOT want to save money?
So once again, I did what any irrational red head holding a fussy baby with a poopy diaper and a sister who is screaming for her "Olaf panties" would do-
I blamed my husband.
I'm certain there are people out there who are convinced I'm in some kind of archaic relationship. I have this vision of people seeing a cave man like fella with a giant club dragging me by the pony tail back into our cave....
I promise, it's nothing like that. I just like to blame him when I don't have the courage to just say, "no thank you..."
You'd think I'd get over that one.
But, today, I blamed him for not getting a Target credit card. He's ok with that. I think he's just relieved I don't just cave and get the card....although, he is looking into what exactly our savings would be with the card... :)
So I got home. The sweet, screaming, poopy diaper filled baby fell asleep in the car. The crazy toddler got her package of Olaf panties and sang "Let it Go" all the way home....and I?
Made a huge cup of coffee when I got home and sat down to type this adventure...
Cause I promise, the grass IS always greener....right where you water!!!
|"Let it Go" takes on a whole new meaning....|