Seriously. Have you ever had one? You know, the one where, you got a few hours of sleep the night before because a little one started that croup cough? You know the cough, sounds like a seal barking at the zoo?
Or you know it's nearly 70 degrees outside, and you haven't seen temps like this since last August, but the only thing you want to do is crawl into bed and pray the day starts over, or you sleep until the next day?
Or better yet, you wrestle with a one year old to take the medication you KNOW will help her ear infection, but you wind up wearing most of it all over your nice, clean, white, shirt?
I'm reminded of a Prince, or what ever his name became, Artist Formerly Known as Prince (would we call him Afkp? Sorry, I'm a tad tired...) song with the verse, "Dr. Everything will be alright."
Needing to hear that doctor tell me that right about now.
So it's puddle blog today. The temperature couldn't be more amazing. The beautiful skies, the 'knock you over, or even better, make your hair stand straight up' wind is even tolerable....
But because of several things, I'm in a puddle.
I want to quit today. It started, oh, about midnite. The baby, #7, little teeny tiny Taz, we'll call her, started coughing. By coughing, I mean sounding like a seal barking like crazy. She's had croup a month ago. I really thought, in my ever so medical brain of mine, we've done croup!
Kinda like, we've done RSV. Once you've done these things, it's like some kind of unwritten rule you don't have to do them again!! Right?
Well, no. I guess. So this morning, after being awake most of the night walking in her room every half hour to see if she was still breathing, I was exhausted. I called the pediatric clinic to talk to a nurse. My pediatric office has the nicest nurses, and I needed a reassuring voice that 1) I would be ok, (cause it's all about me) and 2) should I bring her in?
Second pity moment arrived. After waiting for what seemed like 1/2 an hour, another automated voice comes on to inform me, the medical line is no longer working. If I choose to leave a message, it could take up to one whole business day to return my call.... seriously? I waited 1/2 an hour (ok, more like 10 minutes) for them to tell that? So, of course, I had to hang up and call back! The woman tells me, "Oh it's working. That's the new message...." Ummmm, perhaps I need to call back on another more sane day to double check that one.....
My theory, in my pity party world, they want my money. They don't care about me, or my daughter, they just want my co-pay....
Like I said, I'm working on very little sleep and zero patience...
So I got an appointment and tried to feed the little peanut. Problem is, she is so congested, her nose is completely blocked with double barrels of snot coming out. So I get the great idea I'll just squirt a little saline in her nose- it's always worked before....
That is until, my one year old developed the strength of Hercules.... She very deftly pulled the spray from my hand, wiped her nose all over my daughter's sweatshirt who was holding her, and screamed at me in her baby language, "Don't you ever try that little stunt again, lady!"
Ok, that's not what she said, but if she could talk, and I could understand baby language, that's EXACTLY what she would have said. I promise.
My husband happened to come home after dropping off the older kids at the high school, just like that, my super hero went to the rescue. He held her arms and head, all the while complementing her incredible strength, while I injected her nose with the spray.
Now, who really wants crap shot up their nose???? Anyone? Hopefully not. I don't. But if I could only convey to this tiny human monster that it would make her feel better pretty quick by allowing me to momentarily torture her, she would most likely comply with me.... I hope....
But we forced the spray and in seconds, after wiping the giant mess off her face, she was noticeably breathing better. The spray thins out the thick mucus and allows her to breath better....
I kind of think it's a miracle drug and this is the first baby I've ever really used it on - repeatedly....
My husband left and soon it was time to load the crew up....
I don't know about Sarah and Abraham, but being 43 and having two tiny monsters is waaaaaay more difficult than being 28 with two tiny monsters.... Or 30 with 3 tiny monsters, or 35 with 5 tiny monsters....
I am just feeling old. And tired. And sleep deprived. So everything is going to be worse, at least today....
I finally got the two in the car after many, many tears (most of them mine) and bribes of snacks and juice....
We got to the doctors office and of course, had to wait. I don't usually mind waiting. Well, not in a doctors office. Our pediatrician's office back home had two offices. One was for sick visits, the other for well visits. It was delightful. I rarely visited the sick side, but when I did, I knew what to expect. Here? I don't know if the kid beside has the flu or is here for a checkup. But I do know, no one wanted to be around my little teeny terror with the double barrels of snot pouring down her nose....
So I played the, 'what's this?' game.... Ever played that to distract a child? Yea. It doesn't always work and today, she was having none of it. Strangely, my 3 year old Taz was just sitting her seat happy as a lark drinking enough water to sink the Titanic (or cause us to visit the nasty bathroom before we left, inducing even more stress in my life....)
I pointed out every single object I saw with eyes in the entire office. I'm pretty sure the people around us were tired of looking up to see what I was so excited to see on the wall.
"Luci, oh my goodness, WHAT'S THAT? What's THIS?? Wow, Luci, LOOK!!!!"
I was tired of saying it. I think the nurses rushed to get me back because the one forgot to look up how to pronounce her name- they usually do that with my younger two since they have such 'non' American names....
'Lushia? Looosha? Lucia?'
I assured her we responded to anything that closely resembled her name....
She ushered us back.
They tried to get a pulse oximeter on her finger. It's telling me it's misspelled, but I haven't the energy or the desire to look up the appropriate name for that annoying thing that I think doesn't work... She was so upset, it wasn't going to give a good reading anyway- I've learned this from RSV- their screaming can altar the oxygen levels as well- and the way her croup was sounding, the nurse just said she'd send the doctor in.
The doctor didn't have much better luck, except that she could hear her lungs were clear and her ear was infected.
They don't like to use steroids too much, but since she could hear her croup, she felt it was necessary to use at least today and tomorrow. Hopefully it will shrink the swelling in her throat. They noted if she gets croup again in May, June, or July or any other warmer month, they'll refer us to a pediatric ENT. Just to rule out some type of smaller airway issue that is common among repeat croup babies...
Great.
But we got a script for a steroid and an antibiotic. it's the first antibiotic she's been on in her entire 1 year and almost 2 month existence. I find that pretty amazing considering she has six older siblings who are hideous sharers of everything BUT germs.....
I was completely exhausted at this point and worried the older one would fall asleep on the way to the store. I had to get the first dose of steroid in her so it would begin to shrink the swelling. I rolled the windows down and began acting a fool for the 3 year old. Anything to get her to stay awake....
It worked. Along with bribing her with lunch at wegmans. I was also starving. And had a headache. The baby fell asleep, which was fine- so I took the 3 year old to the bathroom (this store has amazingly clean bathrooms) and checked on the medicine, and headed to food.
My three old ordered a slice of pizza. It was a big as her head. She got a water bottle too. You would have thought she won the lottery. I ate a sub. It was about the most peaceful 20 minutes of the day.
Chiara had a ball. We only almost dropped the pizza twice, and she actually caught it both times. Makes lunch a win in my book. We finished just as Luci woke up, so we quickly went to get her medication and head home.
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| Happy as a lark... |
I tried to feed her some food and give her both meds. She was a Hercules again. I'm amazed at her super human strength. Steroids?? She needs none... Most of the steroid either got on me, her shirt, or the floor. Thank goodness they allow for spillage in the dosage. I'm hoping it was enough to do the trick for the day until her night dose. The amoxicillen was also a bit of a mess. I am definitely going to be sporting a multi colored white shirt the rest of the day. Once she realized this tasted way better than the steroid, she actually drank most of it.... again, hoping for the dosing spillage here....
I went to toss the wash rag in the laundry room and saw the state of my laundry room and literally stood there and just started crying silently. Almost as if my world just received the most devastating news ever. All it took was to see the incredibly large amount of laundry, coupled with the train wreck of a kitchen, and the filthy state of my entire home.... and I was bubbling mess...
Isn't it amazing what sets us off? What the tipping point for pity is? Mine was definitely enhanced by a dramatic loss of sleep. I am someone who struggles with sleep as it is. I have chronic neck pain I battle, and finally felt I had gotten a hold of it, and had a set back last weekend that has sparked the rage in my neck again. So that, coupled with the sleepless worry of her cough, the crazy exhausting day that is still today, just make me want to crawl right back into my bed and hope for tomorrow to come quickly....
I am reminded of someone who once commented on 'how I can handle' such a large family.
It's why I don't like to complain about it too often. But maybe it's given people the definite false sense I can handle it....
A large family.
A sick child.
A night of not much sleep.
But I can't. I can't handle these things anymore or any better than anyone else. I can choose to sit here and cry in my laundry room, or let my 1 year old continue to wipe her snot all over me. Drop her puffs all over the already messy floor, dump her water bottle for the umpteenth time, finally dislodging the valve so that the water just flows freely all over the floor, and pray that this is only temporary.
Life will get back to "normal" soon.... Yes, my "normal" is somewhat different from everyone else's normal, but we all view normal in a pretty similar way.
Mine tends to include the phrase, 'we all survived...."
Which is exactly I how I feel sometimes, by the time we all go to bed....
I think we sometimes (me superly included in this) tend to look at other people's lives and really compare them wrongly. None of us should have the exact same lives. That's what makes us all beautiful. We're all different. We all parent differently. If we looked the same, it would be so boring. But I think sometimes, we feel we don't measure up to what we're seeing either in person, or on social media, or in our actual social circles.
My life is crazy. I think people really just want to see what a constant train wreck looks like.
I can assure anyone who asks, it's crazy train all day long. Some days, I just want to scream, STOP. Some days, I want someone to stop the planet from spinning and take me off....
Some days, I just want to sit and write a pity blog.
Here's to brighter days, happier moments, and a lot less snot in the very near future...
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| Literally happened right as I finished this blog.... |
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