Wednesday, September 10, 2014

What they don't tell you.....Quit telling people to not have kids!!!!

If I subject myself to one more 'anti-having children' article I'm likely to help raise my incredibly low blood pressure (so perhaps I should consider it??)  Ha, never.
So today, I'm suffering from some seriously low blood pressure.  I don't even have to take it to know what is going on.  I stand from a sitting position and nearly fall over because the entire world becomes dark and I have this generally yucky feeling that makes me just want to lie down and go to sleep- which could also be other things, but since blood pressure is something I am getting really good at diagnosing, we'll stick with it for now.... :)

So I took a break from my really good books I've been reading through - and answered a couple of texts from my husband, daughter, and good friend.  While waiting for my husband's response to one, I thought I would peruse through the yahoo news for any brainless news to annoy my 'already annoyed at this world' mind....

Imagine my surprise when I came across yet ANOTHER article painting parenthood to be nothing short of the biggest waste of way too much money, mind, and matter I've read yet.  Here's the article if you dare to read it....make sure you eat breakfast, or a snack, because it gave me terrible heartburn the further I read down....

10 Things your kids won't say....

Ok.  Disclaimer.

I don't think people, who don't feel called to have children should reproduce.  I'm not going to condemn you, I'm not going to judge you.  If you don't feel the call-please don't have children.   I don't think you should ever do anything permanent to your body (simply because mutilation of something God created I think is just like desecrating a sacred object-but we can argue that another time) and sometimes, how you feel NOW, may not be how you feel, say, 10 years from now.

But I'm certainly, going to be the first one to say that, yes, it is a challenge to have children in this day and age, and yes, it can be expensive, if you insist on keeping up with the Jones and buying your little prince or princess every single toy/gadget/electronic/Gap/Justice/Hollister item they feel they want and/or deserve.  Yes, it will be physically and mentally draining, but I can assure you, if you have a spouse who is on board with you, it makes it somewhat easier having someone else on your team.  NO, you won't be able to be a selfish old goat and buy that ridiculously overpriced, gigantic waste of energy house you "dreamed" about or that cute little sports car that you and your big toes can ride in together after you pay a year's salary for, unfortunately, or is it?

I can't think for anyone else but me, but I can assure anyone who even still reads half the stuff I write, that these articles are written with one clear agenda.  The person even said, if you're going to have children, have one-because you can barely afford that one.  (even after pointing out that parents of three or more children spend 22% less than parents of two or LESS).    One child.  Ok, those of you who have purposely chosen to have one, or two children, great.  My only argument is when I hear these people tell me (and believe me, after admitting multiple times to multiple strangers that I'm pregnant with #5, 6, and now 7, I've heard it enough for it to be considered a valid stat)they can't handle the one, two, even three they have now.

I know I've argued this before- and sometimes I wish there was a godless way to answer, but it does seem to me that if you fully relied on a higher power that 1) yes, there will be days of complete overwhelmness, and 2) you would place all of your trust in that Higher Power and know that the only way your "making it" is because you have let go and are relying on His strength.  AND MOSTLY BECAUSE WHY WOULD GOD GIVE YOU WHAT YOU DON'T NEED FOR WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE???   If you have two kids, why do you automatically think you don't have what you need for three?   Just because there are days that are sometimes our own fault of running around to the 46 activities per child because they have to do EVERYTHING so they'll play career baseball and basketball (only 1% of HS students go on to play college and I think the stat is even lower for college to pro-but I digress)  So you see, sometimes, our "I can't handle the two I have" are self inflicted!!!

Now, does having that "Higher Power" make my life "easier?"  Holy heck no.  But does it bring me great comfort?   Absolutely.  I find that the more I rely on myself to take care of my family, the worse I do.  My husband also senses it as well.
Anyway- back to this ridiculous article.

The guy argues your "better off economically" if you stick to one child.

Ok, Explain this.  Better off economically?  Do you mean, and bare (bear?  why can't I remember which bare goes here????)
Better off economically means that because I have only one child I can still afford all those things I NEED like a brand new car, brand new phone every year, brand new house, brand new clothes, brand new.......... are you following me?

Better off economically because there is this idea that we spend somewhere between 200,000-300,000 dollars on our children up to their 18th bday?  Yes, that figure blows my mind because that doesn't include college and if you only have one child, than why do both parents have to "realistically" work unless they both make barely enough to cover necessary bills?  (and by necessary I mean "realistic" bills like a house payment, car payment, electricity, water, etc etc-not 20 GB of data for a brand new iphone- not hardly a "need" is it? )

So, barring the parents that dually have to work to actually meet necessary expenses, why is one child "economically better?"

Ok, let's skip to another one of the "insightful" problems with having children.

6. “I know you love my sibling more than you love me.”

This one really annoyed me more than anything because once again, they're making parenthood out to be this job that should be super easy and require no thought, or work or effort.  

Who goes to their job and only does the stuff they like?  Who teaches in a classroom and only calls on the ones they like and ignores the ones they don't?  Regardless of the anwers, parenting is not an easy job- let me make this extremely clear and I have no letters/numbers/dots/smileys after my name.  I'm going on strictly over 14 years of parenting and that's not very much- minus the fact it is soon to include 7 children- and quite frankly, in this day and age- well, that's a LOT, so maybe there's some, a pinch maybe, of truth in my words.  

Don't get me wrong.  If you sign up for parenting, you're signing up for one of the most difficult, thankless, painful, at times heartbreaking jobs you'll ever have, but it doesn't feel that way all the time and in fact, the opposite of all of those holds true for a better portion of the time.  Now grant it, I only have a high school freshman, and she's a wonderful child, but I've got friends with college age, and married with their own children, children, so I've seen a lot and for as many really, bad, horrible no good days (yes, Alexander, there are those days) there are even more blessed, triumphant, glorious, beautiful days.
And to say you'll love one sibling over another is to well, take parenting as a silly temporary job that requires no thought or effort.

Do I have children who make my life easier than others?  Oh for the love of Pete, YES, but do I love the difficult ones less?  Dear Heavenly Father, NO.  In fact, I feel those need even more love and I find the more I try, the easier my relationship with those children becomes.

It takes effort to be a parent.  I don't think you need a million dollars to do it either.  I don't think I've had to buy all six of my children clothing for every season since, well, I've never had to!  I have 12 bins of clothes downstairs full of every size/season/shape and color you can imagine and I NEVER turn down hand me downs because one can always find a treasure in hand me downs.  I don't think our lives will be any more complete whether we live in a 10,000 square foot home that cost 10x's that or a simple 1800 square foot home, with 4 bedroom and four walls and some really cool Home Depot paint to make a house a home.

And quite honestly, as much as I complain about that dag gone bus I drive on occasion and soon will have to drive all the time when #7 makes his/her debut, I feel really safe in that huge monster. I'm like two heads taller than everyone and feel like it might hurt someone else more than me if I get hit!

Parenting can't be boxed up in this neat little "package" of horribleness that seems to be the latest craz these days.  The amounts of anti-children, we hate children, don't have children if you want the perfect life websites/facebook pages that are popping up are just the opposite of what I'm trying to teach my own children.

I don't know about you, but my heart hurts and I get very emotional when I read the anti-children comments on some sites.  My heart hurts because some of these "well meaning" people are the same ones that expect us to tolerate everything they stand for.  Even if it goes against the very grain of my own beliefs, yet they can spew things like there should be laws against children, people should be sterilized as soon as their born, children are an anchor that drown the very purpose of life-

Those are just a few of the many messages I just found when looking for examples and had to hurry and get off the site before my head exploded or I got myself in trouble with my law enforcement husband.....  thankfully, the filter in my head still works on occasion....

Here's the next one that super annoyed me....

7. “I broke your iPad, iPhone and computer too.”

Ok, first of all, if you're going to give a $100, $500, $900 dollar "toy" to your child, well, than my friend, you have bigger issues than deciding on whether to parent or not.  I'm pretty sure, if we took a poll of all the "broken" iPads, iphones, and computers, statistics would show that 1) parents give these things to little hands to "distract" them from talking too much 2) parents want to make their children "happy" with these things they deem as "toys"  3) you clearly have no idea of the incapacity a child has to understand or differentiate the cost of an expensive electronic device as opposed to Barbie doll or match box car.....  Sorry, but that's the plain truth.  My children are only allowed to use the computer if I'm home, and the computer is in a family room where all can see the activity going on (again, my law enforcement husband can teach anyone who asks why it's absolutely the stupidest thing to allow computers in bedrooms and guess what?  An iphone with data is a computer.....)

Than there's this one-

9.“I’m probably not giving you any grandchildren.”

Why?  Why is this even on here?  Does this define why I am a parent?  Again, we're reverting back to that selfishness of needing a fancy house/car.  Grandchildren do not define who you are as a parent.  Quite frankly, I'll be thrilled if all my kids choose to be nuns/and a priest.  I can think of no greater reward.... ;)  So don't even think about this when deciding on children, for heaven's sake....

10.“You’ll cry when I leave…you with one last bill.”

You know, I think it's extremely noble of parents to want to help their children pay their college tuition, but realistically, the way costs are soaring, soon, only the elite and super de duper de poor will be able to go to college anyway so why are we fretting about this before we even HAVE CHILDREN!!!!!!!  If you think for one second I was going to pay for any of my children's college you're sadly mistaken.  My parents put themselves in debt paying for two years of my college (which they paid off eventually) but then I paid for the next 2 1/2 years after that and to be honest, I took my courses more seriously when I realized just how much it cost!!  I did better academically those last 2 1/2 years and owned my own education.  I'm not saying all kids are like that, and God bless those who can pay for their kids college, but I'm hoping mine can get financial aid, scholarships, and work studies.  Where in the "rule book of kids" does it say we're supposed to make their lives easy and debt free?  Some times, a "good" debt like college, is just what a kid needs to motivate them to get jobs, work hard, and pay it off one month at time.  That's exactly what I did.  I worked my tail off to pay mine off....So yes, I am speaking from experience.   I haven't been in debt since, and prayerfully, I won't ever be.  

There were definitely a few more to peruse, but I think I voiced the jist of my concerns...

If you're one of those people who never wants to have children, that's fantastic.  It takes many different people to make the world go round.  Yes, I empathize with you in regards to the comments you get- believe me-it's just the opposite of comments on my end- perhaps we can join forces together and put together something more wholesome and encompassing instead of immediately just degrading children to unborn soon to be blobs of money draining, life draining thorns...

Not everyone feels that way.  And not everyone will ask you when you're finally going to have a child, or more children, or whatever......just like not everyone is going to ask me if I know what causes my fertility and pregnancies and if I'm "done" as if I'm an oven baking some really cool cookies....  :)

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