Monday, September 15, 2014

If you give a mom a broom....and she goes to clean the kitchen....

Today is one of those days that I am CERTAIN the creator of 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie," was doing a parody of motherhood....

I had quite a bit of catching up to do after an entire weekend of activities, celebrating birthdays (we finally had my hubsters bday celebration dinner) and zero, I'm talking ZERO laundry completed....

So in true CrazyMomma fashion- I set to task one room at a time once I shoved, er, I mean sent, my #5 on her merry way to first grade....The littlest peanut and I were on a mission to tackle each room.

Well, it's 12:15, she's already down for a nap and I'm fairly certain I'm 10 minutes behind her and let me tell you, there is not one completed room in this house, BUT, there are lots and lots, and can I say one more, LOTS of little tasks completed in each room that no one, not even me, will remember by 5:00 this evening....

So before I forget, let me tell the story of, "If you give a mom a broom...."

She might set out to sweep the kitchen.  (I suppose might may explain that ideally, the mouse would have LIKED to have a glass of milk with the cookie, didn't necessarily mean he was gonna get it!!)

But she realized, there were 10 pairs of shoes, a laundry basket, a baby blanket, and a giant bag of give away clothing in her way!

So she set out to put the shoes all away, which once in the garage, she realized the recycling bins were stacked ONCE AGAIN, and placing recycling in them would be next to impossible, so she set out to fix that, which led her to recall the oatmeal box she tried to toss earlier that morning in the rush of getting kids out the door, actually bounced off the shelf (because of said stacked recycle bins) and proceeded to roll under the mini-van.  So she came back inside to get the broom to try and scoop out the oatmeal box so she wouldn't forget it was under the mini van when she set out later this day to pick up children from various after school activities, but once inside, realized there was still more to put up before sweeping the kitchen floor, and where was that vacuum cause that rug in front of the garage door was a MESS!
So she took the laundry basket upstairs to find which room it came from, and once she went in that room of her two older daughters and caught whiff of that hideous, "dang these girls need showers" smell, she went to open a window and realized that ALL of the windows upstairs were probably closed because it had gotten so chilly in the evenings of this weekend, so she proceeded to go to every bedroom and open the windows and once in the younger three girl's room, she discovered a mess on the floor and some MORE dirty laundry (I think it just mass produces itself- who HAS so much laundry???)
Once that laundry was picked up she walked all the way downstairs to toss the laundry and discovered that GREAT!  A load was complete.  So she took the clothes out of the dryer and folded them and placed them on the table which reminded her that her OWN laundry basket was on the coffee table with for some reason, children's books and a box of crayons in it.  Well, she had to take the crayons downstairs to the art box and place the books on the book shelf and she saw her vacuum that lives in the basement (she has two, since there are three floors in this monster story) and remembered she wanted to vacuum the rug upstairs, so she headed back upstairs to the kitchen where she originally had set to sweep and began a vain search for the vacuum.  She went in the laundry room and remembered she forgot to put the washer clothes in the dryer, so she set out to do that and start a brand new load- she then looked in the piano/office room for the vacuum and to her dismay discovered quite the disaster.  Paper, tiny little pieces of it, and what appeared to be pencil sharpenings from colored pencils ALL.OVER.THE.FLOOR.... But no vacuum.
At this point, her little assistant, we'll call her, Flo, had discovered that the windows were NOT open in this office room and began her attempt at dismantling the wood blinds, so the mom lifted the blinds on the window and proceeded to open the window to allow Flo to enjoy the beautiful breeze blowing in, but for Flo, it wasn't enough.  The other window needed an adjustment as well, so before Flo could dismantle it, Mom was there attempting to lift the blinds, but discovering that one of her little gems had tied the strings of the blinds into a knot that would befit a King trying to tie up his worst enemy in the world.
20 minutes later and blood pressure raised to almost normal, she opened the window and then placed the door stopper in front of the door, which reminded her to open the front door and find the door stopper for it, which she thought was in the closet with the vacuum, but was not, but upon further investigation found the door stopper behind the front door and proceeded to open the front door, just as Flo was picking up the heavy doorstopper to the office and attempting to place it through the wall of the office.  Mom ran to pick up the door stopper and harshly say 'no' to Flo, who took it lightly and proceeded to her next natural disaster, which was attempting to sweep since Mom clearly had abandoned that job.
But mom was on a new mission, because paper and pencil shavings covered the floor of the office and needed immediate attention and WHERE WAS THAT DARN VACUUM?
She took some clean clothes to set on her bed upstairs, and discovered the vacuum was in HER room!  So she brought it downstairs to vacuum up the office/piano room, but discovered as she stepped over the baby gate of the stairway, that there was lots of "yuck" on the floor below the steps, so why not vacuum this up since it would be easier than sweeping it, and she was RIGHT there with the vacuum.  So vacuum plugged in, floor sucker sticks attached, and mom set out to vacuum the floor and discovered the stairs were actually quite in need of vacuuming, but she only did the first 5 steps because the assistant had taken the vacuum parts off the vacuum and was trying to break the wood floor with them, so she came back down, took the parts from Flo and headed into the office/piano room.  She vacuumed it, but stopped when she realized the girls had taken lots of junk out of their desks and left them on top of the desks.  She decided that was her invitation to just take that junk and toss it for them in the garbage.
Once back in the kitchen, she realized she never loaded the dishes in the dishwasher from breakfast, so without further hesitation, she began to rinse them and attempt to load them, only to discover the dishwasher was still loaded and clean from last night.   (is anyone else as tired as I am now?)
She proceeded to unload the dishwasher and her assistant, Flo, came over and with great strength, pulled herself to be nearly on top of the dishwasher in order to better assist the mom.  It was all fun and games until Flo nearly dropped Mom's beloved Goonies coffee mug and almost fell off the dishwasher. Mom decided this was too much fun for BOTH her and Flo and took Flo off the dishwasher and commanded she go and get a toy from the toy box.
Flo reluctantly complied, but set ahead, full steam.  The mom took that to make lightening speed getting the rest of the dishes out, and began to load the dirty breakfast dishes into the dishwasher.  She looked at the current dishes left, unload-able, and thought, she could wash them in zero time.  She filled the sink and washed the three dishes and turned around to wipe down the counter in which someone had spilled oats on that morning and realized she had forgotten to wipe down her fridge at some point the day before when she had discovered multiple dirty hand prints all over the front (clearly, every day is a "give a mom a broom day....")
She began to wipe the refrigerator and realized she never swept in the dining room, and thought she should do that some time today, but instead opted for wiping down the kitchen table which had not been wiped down after dessert the night before.  (we did celebrate dad's birthday several days late, mind you).  As she wiped down the table, she also decided to wipe out the high chair, which she just decided to toss the cover in the laundry room, and as she entered the laundry room, discovered her laundry was completed once again, so set to task to fold the dryer clothing and transfer the wash over and start a new load.
Once that was complete, she remembered she never finished vacuuming the office/piano room, so she completed that task, and remembered the rug by the garage door that was full of grass, dirt, and other undesirable yuck so she headed that way to vacuum.  She actually completed that task and decided to finish sweeping the kitchen, which is the task she originally set out to do, two hours prior.

And that my friends, is a small snip it of my crazy, grass is always greener where you water it, life.
Enjoy your Monday.  I hope this made you smile a little.... :)

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