There are some crazy things that go on in my house. Sometimes I'm terrified to blog/post on social media about some of it, because frankly, people are just a tad scary to me, and one day, I might find myself face to face with someone from the UFO siting team, or worse, some area 54 nut case, because some weirdo stuff from my house was spotted being flung out the windows, or over the roof, or worse- over my neighbor's fence.....
Other times I'm afraid to admit what goes on in my house because people are really extremely critical of others. I find it rather revolting to see how easy it is for some to troll behind their keyboards....
There are some days, I swear I wake up and for the next 5-7 hours, I'm basically maintaining chaos.
I know, I know, before all my "know it all" friends, and complete strangers who feel compelled to say random things to me, spout it out- I DO KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED.
I do know that I have 75% more people than the average home holds under one roof, with, wait for it, ONLY 2400 sq ft. (Don't get me started on the parent I had one year teaching who was building a new house because the 3000 sq ft home wasn't big enough for the 5 of them....)
I do know that when you put 5 school age children in one kitchen early in the morning when there is zero parental eye watching, chaos slowly turns to a mass mob scene, with food apparently flying, and dishes piling up to the ceiling in the sink. Please explain how avocado gets on the door handle of the cup cupboard? Cup cupboard. That sounds ridiculous....
Does anyone in this house understand the concept that once you WIPE UP the giant blob of peanut butter with the wash cloth that you are to actually RINSE IT OFF?
No, they don't know that. You wanna know how I know they don't know that? Because, inevitably, I come downstairs and try to "maintain" the chaos, I see honey, or peanut butter, or some other kind of unidentifiable mess on the counter top and in haste, without checking, I grab the already soiled wash cloth, and proceed to wipe MORE CRAP on to the counter top with the already yuck there....
It takes about two hours and 15 minutes to get all 5 of my kids out the door. Then the two little minions and I are left to asses the damage done.
Someone actually on this morning attempted to start to unload the dishwasher. Kudos to the three plates that were removed. Most likely to hold their breakfast....and they're all three probably back in the sink. Heaven forbid we actually use the other 32 plates & bowls in the cabinets....
The avocado on the cupboard baffles me. I see zero remnants of avocado. I'm more worried in my haste yesterday, I missed that in which case, makes me nauseous, because perhaps, it's NOT avocado....
Hey, we have been sick here....
The high chair was not wiped out from dinner the night before.... I know, before you even say it, who makes their children wipe out the baby high chair? Exactly. The same person who makes her children load the dishwasher, wash the dishes, sweep the kitchen AND the dining room, wipe the table AND the chairs down..... Report me. I am totally going against the grain here.....
The table, at first glance, almost appears clean, until you pull a chair out, and see that the shredded cheese someone ate as a meal last night is sitting in every.single.chair. in the dining room. I really do not recall the person who just ate shredded cheese, because last night was another one of those, 19 events crammed into one night in May, nights, so we were busy trying to figure out how to bi-locate from one end of the town to the other end in less than 15 minutes AND get the oldest to volleyball practice clear on the other side of the galaxy.
You think I'm joking.
So the cheese in the seats. I then realize I forgot to wear my house shoes.
There is one rule you must absolutely adhere with a large family. I would suffice it to say, any family, but I am pretty sure my kids combined are nastier than 82 families combined, HOUSE SHOES.
HOUSE SHOES.
Someone made fun of me for calling my slippers HOUSE SHOES...... who doesn't call them that? She asked if I was from another country..... I believe she may have insulted me and my peeps. Perhaps us southerners transplanted to Yankee Snob land can teach these "slipper" wearers, a few new terms..... Like Y'all. I can not handle it when people without the proper southern twang try and say that word..... It ain't right. That word too. Although, I'll be honest, I've not heard many Yanks use ain't. And it IS in the dictionary.
So HOUSE SHOES (why does my computer keep all capping that????) are an absolute MUST in my home on the hard wood floors. So I was surveying the damage in the dining room, all the cheese, when I realized, after stepping on a pile of crumbs, I was NOT wearing them. I felt nauseous. I ran and immediately slipped them on. Ahhhh. Slippers.... I get it....
I still like HOUSE SHOES better.
So the scraps of crumbs all over the dining room. The food from perhaps three days ago. I have a few children, who when it's their turn to sweep, take the broom, walk in the dining room, lay the broom on the ground. Walk around with it for a minute or two for full effect, and walk out, stating rather boldly, "I'm done!"
That little potzy scheme worked on my for a while until I would be sweeping the next morning some times and have enough crumbs and leftover food in the dustpan to create an entire meal for the gazillion ants that are taking over my kitchen. I wised up, and now when I hear the "declaration" of being done? I immediately (if I'm home and not bi-locating all over town) go and inspect.
I know what you're thinking. No really I do.
Seriously, crazycatholicmomma, you are a bit much. Like a drill sergeant. Well, fortunately for my kids, they are going to either grow up and have developed some decent work habits, or they're going to grow up and live like slobs. There'll be no in between in my children's worlds. I'm hoping they will develop a great work ethic.....unfortunately, it might kill me in the process......
So I maintain the chaos. I keep things in semi-working order. I know from the outside looking in, it would not give that appearance. There's a good chance on most days, I'm in my work out clothes, hahaha...giving the appearance of working out. There is a constant sticky sensation on my floors. I have actually gotten on my hands and knees to scrub the floors- to no avail- someone that night or the next morning inevitably spills milk. I maintain 5-6 loads of laundry a day. Laundry I don't mind doing, or folding, but when my kids fail to take their piles to their rooms and they stay on the kitchen table for days on end, or they're actually picking out their wardrobe from the table? Or they have giant piles of clean clothes in their room, on the floor, on their bed, and sometimes actually sleeping with their clean clothes- that drives me bonkers..... Washing and folding clothes has actually become very peaceful for me. I try to not only think about the child who's clothing I fold, but I try to say a prayer for that child. Or have a conversation with God about that child. How I wish they would do this, or Lord, help them with this....etc. etc. It's helped me take a once daunting chore and find peace in it.
Now if I could only find peace in cleaning the kitchen. That would be fantastic.
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