God is in everything. His hand touches everything. If you open yourself to Him, you will see Him in all you do. I promise.
Today for example. Day 37. Temp is 98.8. The last two days my temps "dropped" a little. Nothing below my HTL (high temperature level-when you chart this is your gauge for how you see when you're "safe" to be with your husband after ovulation if you are choosing to not get pregnant that month), but it dropped two days in a row and of course, my panic anxiety paranoia kicked in full gear.
When Catholicmomma's panic anxiety paranoia kicks in, two things happen.
1) I make life at home miserable for all involved.
2) I tend to become a recluse and therefore, make life at home even more miserable at home for all involved.
My hubs tells me I am the barometer of the family.
When I'm happy, we are all happy.
When I'm stressed, angry, messed up, paranoid, anxious, whatever other adjective to describe neurosis you can think of- we're all messed up....
So the last two days, my barometer has been rather off and the family has been rather off as well.
Remember, I'm a work in progress. I fail. And fail, and fail, and fail and fail and fail.
God knows I'm going to fail. We set ourselves up in the Garden of Eden for failure when we first chose to disobey God. He loves us. He loves me. He always, always, always, is with me. Always.
But I failed miserably this weekend. I could blame it on the fact that hubs had to work ALL DAY Saturday and we had only about 2 million outdoor activities to get to before Monday, or that he had to ride for 200 miles Sunday which once again took him away from outdoor activities. But I can't because you see, God's hand was in the entire weekend. I worked outside Friday, all day Saturday, and all afternoon Sunday in my yard. I managed to buy the veggies we needed for our garden, we managed to till the garden up and get all the veggies planted, and I finished my flower bed weeding last night in the nick of time. (long story, but when I'm pregnant and the first year of my babies- I tend to do very little gardening....and my flower garden off my back porch was getting way out of control....)
So you see, even though my barometer was way low, I could see after I reflected on the weekend, that He was right there. Guiding us, helping us, and above all, just being with us. I just have to work on actually seeing it, when it happens. Not after. Again, work in progress.
So this morning. I jump out of bed at 5:41. For some reason, I'm in panic mode. It's as though my hubs had told me it was time to wake up and I fell back asleep for 20 minutes. Actually, it's so darn bright in our room, that when I do wake up, I feel like it should be 7:30 and my kids have missed this bus! So I jump up. Take my temp, see that it's climbed back up, feel somewhat reassured that while we didn't exactly "plan" this potential pregnancy (yes, I'm still looking for menopause), if it is a baby actually causing the high temps, my body is still working properly at this stage in the game.
I head downstairs and chat with my two older ones and eat breakfast with them. I then get on my computer to read my novena. I am actually doing more novenas now that i signed up for this email novena thing than I've ever.done.in.my.life. It's the novena to the Holy Spirit. (if you want to know what a Novena is, click here. http://www.catholic.org/news/hf/faith/story.php?id=36553
Day 4 is today. I'm just going to cut and paste it below because remember, I'm techno-unsavvy, ok?
Patience
Let us bow down in humility at the power and grandeur of the Holy Spirit. Let us worship the Holy Trinity and give glory today to the Paraclete, our Advocate.
Oh Holy Spirit, by Your power, Christ was raised from the dead to save us all. By Your grace, miracles are performed in Jesus’ name. By Your love, we are protected from evil. And so, we ask with humility and a beggar’s heart for Your gift of Patience within us.
Oh Holy Spirit, you give lavishly to those who ask. Please give us the patience of the Saints who are now with you in heaven. Help us to endure everything with an eternal patience that is only possible with your help.
Amen.
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth.
O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations, through Christ Our Lord,
Amen.
I read this (how did my font change to this? See what I'm sayin' about technology?) and was literally, quite taken aback. I pray for patience all the time and this time of my life especially, I've been praying for God to please let me relax and enjoy this period of our lives. It's.so.hard!
So I read this, and realized I still have hope! God showed me in this Novena that He still wants me to pray for patience. He knows I struggle with this area of my life. He's showing me that I can't stop praying for it. Ever! He has shown Himself to me again! If I would just slow down, relax, and look, I will see God in all places. He reveals Himself to me when I read scripture, when I attend Mass and receive His body and blood, when I am with my children and my husband, when I pray, when I am just sitting here. He gives me hope in all the best places. Even in the not so best places, I still see Him. He is there. I just have to open my eyes. In all the best places, He brings me hope.
I hope today, you see it for yourself as well. :)
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