My God Box

I have a confession.  It really hasn't been three weeks since I blogged.  It actually was only about a week, but every.single.time I sat down to blog, something came up.  I know that sounds unheard of with seven kids, but for some reason, this summer break has flown by like a raging river and it's taking every last brain cell I had left in this feeble head of mine.  It's actually kind of depressing.  I can only take comfort that in eight extremely short weeks, the older five minions will go back to school and a few of my brain cells can be salvaged.....

So I had been batting around some ideas in my empty head and had found one I really wanted to talk about.  The problem with me and my blog is that sometimes, I have some amazing ideas swirling around up there, but I'm so darn tired after battling seven little people and one big dude I call hubs, that I haven't the energy to muster any strength to collect my thoughts.

Throw in a month of continuous company each weekend and you're looking at a natural disaster waiting to occur.

But blogging isn't a job for me.  It's a way of organizing my thoughts and typing out what is going on inside my heart.  I don't blog to change the world, I blog to inspire myself.  Cause it's all about me.  No, really, it isn't.  I blog to see that just like my motto says, the grass really IS greener right where we water it!  Even a crazy Catholic momma like me who apparently gives the incredible false sense to others that I have it all together.....which is sooooooo not true....at.all.

So back to my blog topic.  My God Box.

I will show you what my God box looks like and perhaps you have one similar.

My God Box

Isn't it pretty?  I chose this particular box because it's very simple.  It also has music notes on it and I'm very into music.  Mostly Christian and classical these days, but it's my passion to get good music out there in the hands of our young people.  But, simple in the fact that I'm about as fancy as a used cleaning rag left at the bottom of a rag box.  I always tell my adorable husband that I'm that simple girl who dreams of being fancy.  You know the one, who longs for her house to look like the houses in the Southern Living magazines?  (does anyone up here even read Southern Living?  Is that magazine even still in  existence?)

But I'm a simple gal and this is my simple God Box. 

What's a God Box you ask?  

If you were to open my God Box you would see a few things in it.  Sit back and relax and think about your God Box and let's see if we have the same things.....We might be surprised, maybe even shocked, how we pack our God Box up....so neat and tidy, and just the way WE want it....

I've talked about my struggles with bargaining with God before.  It's no secret I didn't plan to have such a large family.  Well, super large by the worlds standards.  I always wanted five children.  In fact, when we moved to the great white north, we had our "completed" family.  My youngest was 17 months and I was looking forward to the day when all my babies would be in school and I could FINALLY, after 13 years, do something for ME.  (cause frankly, it's all about me....as I have stated before.)

God and I had a plan and I couldn't WAIT to get started.  Hence, the first object in my box...my desires.

But then it happened.  

He started to soften my heart about babies.  

I've always had a soft spot for babies since first seeing my FIRST baby on an ultrasound at just eight weeks.  There was an amazing heart beat and limbs, and a body, and well, I suppose I just was clueless up to that point just how amazing life, and ALIVE life was at such a young bean sprout age!  Not to mention, it took us almost two years to even GET pregnant with our first, so to finally see this little, bitty, adorable peanut on the ultrasound was overwhelmingly amazing to say the least.  

So my heart had been soft for a while, but after the birth of nutty number 5- I was content.  Not overwhelmed.  Content.  

Then the softening came.  I began to long for another baby.  For reasons I'll never understand, not until I meet with my Maker at the end, I had probably the roughest two years when it comes to child bearing.  Three miscarriages in a row.  One that was so gruesome, I had to be rushed to the hospital.  Finding out my hip has a tear in the joint.  Pending surgery.  Surgery cancelled because I tested positive for carrying the double stranded DNA which could indicate the arthritis in my hip could be RA.  (rheumatoid arthritis).  

What exactly was God wanting from me?  Didn't we have a deal?  Didn't I package that deal in a nice, neat, box with a pretty bow on top?  Wasn't I willing to have another baby despite what the world was yelling in my ear?  Why was it becoming so hard?  Was it simply because I was "old" by OBGYN standards?  I was 37...that's about like comparing me to the dinosaur age.....

My box I had created for God wasn't working.  I couldn't figure out why He wasn't allowing us to have any more children.  Or allowing us to have a child, only to find the child had passed....

It was painful to say the least. 

But my God Box wouldn't fail me.  We wound up pregnant with baby #10 and had one of the funniest, spunkiest, independent little toots we could have ever imagined.  

God is good.

But would He not be good had she not been born?

Than my box was filled again.  This time with dreams and schemes of where God wanted us.  I just KNEW He was ready for us to move back south.  We had put our time in up north.  We had tasted what it was like to pretend we were Yankees (ok, that is not meant to be offensive, but my husband to this DAY says he wishes he had put some southern dirt under the delivery bed of our last two babies...)

"GOD!  When are we moving?"  I would pray....  

But it didn't happen (and don't think for a minute that it's been removed from my box...).  And I put my second item in the box- my plan.  If you think for a minute that God doesn't have a sense of humor, think again.  My husband's favorite thing to say is that God has an INCREDIBLE sense of humor.  And that excites me to some extent, because I LOVE to laugh.  Although, the humor my husband speaks of is of course the fact that God blessed him with SIX DAUGHTERS....and if you knew my "Rico Suave" back in the day, you would giggle uncontrollably as well if you heard he was blessed with SIX DAUGHTERS.....  God does have a sense of humor.

But my plan, and my desires are all in my box.

There's also something else in my box I'm sure you'll find fascinating.

What I know, God wants from me.

Yes.  That bears repeating.

What I KNOW, God wants from ME.

Not the other way around.  I know exactly what God wants from me.  Cause, you know, He speaks to me in an audible voice that kinda sounds like James Earl Jones (AKA- Darth Vader.)

NOT.

I know for a definite fact, God wants me to be totally happy, rarely sad, and not worry one iota about my salvation.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that He wants me to be completely happy and at no matter the cost, strive to find that happiness in this life because He doesn't want me to ever be sad, alone, without, lonely, sick, to suffer, to be anxious, or anything.

NOT.

I've been trying to study my bible more and more and I have come across something fascinating.  There are not many times when the word "happy" is actually mentioned.  Matter of fact, I find that words like, delight, joy, pure, blessed, faith are more commonplace through out the bible.  The funny thing is, if you google how many times does happy appear in the bible, you'll find a serious discrepancy because of just how many translations there are of the bible itself.  It can range from less than 15 in the New Testament, to 33,000 in the Old Testament!  I searched through my bible and really, when I read scripture verses about happiness?  None of them actually meant what we'd like to wrap up and stick in our bibles....

When you read where "happiness" or blessed, or delight are written about, it actually is quite the opposite of what we would expect.  The beatitudes are a great example.

THE BEATITUDES^*

3“Blessed are the poor in spirit,^*

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.^a

4^* Blessed are they who mourn,^b

for they will be comforted.

5^* Blessed are the meek,^c

for they will inherit the land.

6Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,^*

for they will be satisfied.

7Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.^d

8^* Blessed are the clean of heart,^e

for they will see God.

9Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called children of God.

10Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,^*

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.^f

11Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you [falsely] because of me.^g12^* Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven.^h Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

I mean, I don't know about you, but does that sound like the kind of "happiness" I put in my God Box?  Or better yet, what about this verse?

Although if I should wish to boast, I would not be foolish, for I would be telling the truth. But I refrain, so that no one may think more of me than what he sees in me or hears from me7because of the abundance of the revelations. Therefore, that I might not become too elated,^* a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated.^b8Three times^* I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me,^c9^* but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,^* in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.^d10Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ;^e for when I am weak, then I am strong.^*

That was 2 Corinthians 12:6-11.  I don't know about you, but it sounds like to me, if we really believe God wants us walking around demanding happiness and everything awesome, He'd like us to take a piece of humble pie instead...

But that's how we operate.  Who actually walks around praying for pain and suffering?  Ok, yes, we have had some powerful saints who have, but I can find plenty of saints who have not begged for pain, sorrow, or unhappiness.  It's actually supposed to be a lot like fasting. Which, by the way, I put into my box ever so neatly as well- God really doesn't want me to fast because, well, I have low blood sugar and who wants a cranky, starving, mother of seven children walking around waiting to pound on the first person who walks by her smelling like a Krispy Kreme donut????

God does want me to fast.  Maybe not from food altogether, but maybe from dessert.  Or that second helping.  Or that portion that would feed a small family in Africa.... He does want me to be joyful and blessed, but maybe not necessarily happy, because happiness is temporary, fleeting, but joy is forever and blessings, when truly seen for blessings, are eternal.  God does want me to pray and ask Him where we should move to, but He also wants me to listen when He says, "not yet, crazy momma...."

God does want me to be open to life, and maybe it won't happen the way I want it to, and maybe we won't be blessed with or without more children, but what He wants is our total surrender to His will, not ours.  He wants to know we love Him and trust Him so much that we're willing to let go and just trust.

My God Box is constantly changing.  Just when I think I've "let go" of my own desires and wants, I realize once again, I have started putting Him back inside that box of mine.  I want to conform God to my beliefs, when instead, I should conform myself to God's beliefs.

I say this all the time.  God makes no mistakes.  He is a loving God, but He created us for good.  He gave us such amazing abilities and I find that as I grow older I see just how well we can work for the greater glory of Him.  I can also see how amazingly easy it is, to flip it around and have it appear we know amazingly better what is good for us and give God very little attention.

We are very good at cruising along when life is going swell and basically forgetting that just like in times of crisis, God wants to hear from us during times of joy and blessings....  I could stand to add that to my God Box.

So this is what I'm working on this week.  Changing up what my "box" looks like.  Perhaps even, taking God out of the box and letting Him just wreak havoc on my silly little "perfect" life.  He knows I could stand to have a little make over in that department!

I'll leave you with a little bit of funny in my world just to show you how crazy momma and a few of her crazy kiddos spend their free time....

Captured.....And other tales from the North...

I must be on some kind of whacked role to have two blogs in two days.. Honestly, I think I'm just so relieved that the bad guys (which later Friday night became 'guy') were captured....

So I have to tell you something really funny.

Not that most things in my life aren't funny-but this one is kinda one of those, Oh Crazymomma, you DIDN'T....

I did.

But first I have to preface it with "in the beginning" or you just won't appreciate it as much....

I had a great Sunday.  My two older children who are now both in High School, wanted to help the youth group with a car wash.  I know, today was day two of crazy icky rainy weather...who has a car wash on days like today?  They actually wound up making more money on pity than when the weather is nice, warm and sunny!  But I got them to the church to help out and I headed home.  I stopped and got myself a cup a joe at Timmy Hoe's (one of my most favorite places next to Wegmans to get coffee) and got back home in time to put the very nearly 5 month old down for a nap.  I grabbed my current reading. and laid on the couch with four other adorable girls and spent about two hours just reading with all of them.  Even the two year old was reading!

Three of us reading...overlook the laundry...

She was needin' some snuggle time during our reading...

My girlfriend came over after they went to Mass (yes, I did take all seven to Mass, BY MYSELF last night, so all Y'ALL that say you can't take your 1, 2, 3 little angels to Mass? And I'm SURE I looked way more frazzled cause the two year old decided to do a little strip tease act on the way to the back of church...).  She brought me a frozen coffee and some broccoli soup from one of my FAVORITE places, Panera.... Yummmm.  She also brought some great conversation and after spending a few days chatting with little people and getting little, and I mean little sleep, any conversation with an adult was refreshing, but my friend and I can usually find tons to laugh about.

But we had a great conversation and we wound up heading over there to eat dinner and visit with another friend of mine and the kids ran around like banshies.  Fortunately, nothing was destroyed....I hope....

We got home close to 8 and of course, in true crazy momma fashion, because I want every.single.one.of.you to understand the grass is greener where you water, the baby had quite the specTACULAR blow out.  ALL.OVER.THE.CARSEAT.  And her clothes.  And her backside.  And, well, you get my point....

I got her and the tazmanian toddler in the tub and cleaned off in record time.  The only problem we had was trying to find the taz toddler a clean pair of pjs, which thankfully I broke my Sunday laundry fast this morning because I needed a few things....

My amazing, super hero husband face timed us and we chatted and all the kids got to see him, well, minus the six year old who apparently had quite the evening because she was passed out cold in bed....snoring....

I sure miss that man and let me tell you something- absence makes the heart grow crazy fonder when you're so in love with someone.  My husband and I are just crazy about each other. Just when I think I can't possibly love him anymore than I already do, I just... well....before I get any sappier..............

I was feeling pretty darn good about myself.   The hubster was safe, bad guy caught, most of the younger kids were in bed asleep and I was sitting down to peruse Pinterest for two things....

1) food recipes to try with my SIL who is coming for a visit this week and,

2) how to make my blog on my own domain and go super public (yes, I know I'm nuts...)


Then the funny thing happened.  As I was sitting there, I swear I heard a gunshot.  Now, I've been around guns since before I married my super hero husband.  Something like 20 or so years....you would think I would know the sound distinctly.

I sat there a second almost frozen.

Now, not to admit anything more than you already know (if you haven't read my blog about my overactive imagination, now might be a good time....) but I was almost paralyzed with fear because for an ever so brief moment, I thought it was one of those darn criminals that escaped from jail coming with their guns ablazing to kill me....

I warned you.

Then the SECOND gunshot fired.


I kid you not.  I grabbed my computer (yes, did I ever tell you about the time my parents house was practically burning to the ground and I grabbed my high school varsity basketball gym bag with my uniform and high tops because I had a game that night???) and ducked down on the ground.

Oh you laugh.  Go ahead.  But after you've been sleep deprived for days and you're letting your incredible imagination run wild, let's see what scenarios YOU come up with when you hear gunshots down the street.....

I managed to grab my phone and text my neighbor and ask if she heard the sounds, too....

She confirmed for me they were indeed real sounds, but she seemed convinced they were firecrackers....

I almost felt foolish as I laid on the floor with my wine glass and lap top...but decided to snap a photo so the entire world would one day look at this and truly understand just what my poor husband has to deal with on a daily basis and see the reason why the cause for his sainthood should be opened.....

I think it actually looks kind of cozy....not crazy...

So there you have it my friends....  Happy Sunday.  And in the words of JPII, one of, if not THE most favorite Pope of mine....

Heavy hearts...

I have a heavy heart this evening....

I actually feel like my heart weighs far more than it really should.

There is so much terrible sadness in the world today.

A friend who just discovered breast cancer....

Another friend who's husband is unfaithful....

A friend who has lost family members so quickly in just weeks...

My husband, who is out trying to catch bad guys....really, really, really, really, REALLY bad guys...

And today, even though thankfully I'm not on Facebook at the moment, today our unelected, appointed supreme court judges, decided for all of us that the institute of marriage is now no longer between a man and a woman.

I know.  I'm a hater.  A bigot.  A pig.  A nasty white, trashy woman who feels superior to anyone less than me.

I know.  Don't say it.  I am an elitist.  I am selfish.  I am clearly deranged to believe in something as archaic as the church, or better yet, God.

I know.  I don't understand.  Right?  I don't understand how unfair it is that 'love doesn't win' when marriage is simply defined as an institution between a man and a woman.  I don't know what it's like to want something SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO badly and not be able to get it.  Simply because I exist, and am privileged, and apparently, have a silver spoon in my mouth.

But here is something to ponder.

What if, God is right?  What if the scripture verse that clearly and implicitly states that God made them "male and female and for this reason the man shall leave his family and cling to his wife and the two shall become one flesh," from Matthew 19:4-6, is how God intended marriage to be?  Mark 10:6-9 is also very similar.

What about 1 Corinthians 7:1-16?   Each man shall have HIS own wife and each wife shall have HER own husband and their bodies belong to each other (man and woman) and they are to be together explicitly, etc etc etc...

What about something less than the bible, or God, or Heaven forbid, CHURCH....

What if it's a simple as a puzzle?  I can't get past the fact that puzzle pieces fit together so nicely.  Very comfortable.  Almost like they were meant to be together forever.  Sorry, I miss my husband right now....

It seems to me, if something was to work together correctly, it would fit.  Like a puzzle.  Now, don't get all sadomasochist on me and tell me disgusting ways to "fit" because that is just not what I'm trying to do.  I'm trying to explain how, when a puzzle piece fits together perfectly, something good comes from that puzzle piece fitting.  In this case, the "good" could be the potential for life.
The puzzle piece fitting together is a good thing and from that can come something exponentially as beautiful.

But, Crazy momma, we know lots of people, men and women married, that didn't make babies that way...

Well, then that opens the door for even more discussion.  But for now, we'll keep it simple because it's 11pm, on Friday, I've just had my second glass of wine and my hubs is chasing after some really, really, really, really, really, really, bad guys, remember?  So I'm a tad emotional tonight.

I'm not trying to start a fight.  I'm trying to point something out here.

I was sad when I first heard the new about the supreme court. Not because I'm something selfish, hateful, or a bigot.  I'm not someone who wants people to be sad.

I was sad because once again, something I believe soooooooooooooooooooo strongly in (God creating marriage to be a sacred bond between a man and a woman and the gift of unitive love AND ultimately being open to the procreative part of the love comes from that) was basically swept under the rug and made to be a sham by our culture.

The beautiful thing about all this sadness became crystal clear this afternoon.  God is showing me with His little signal grace that all will be ok.  He assures me that with all this sadness, comes something from my heart that will stir me to prayer.  Deep prayer.  Sacrifice.  Deep sacrifice.  And most importantly, He is sharing once again with me that this life?  Temporary.  Fleeting.  In the blink of an eye, will change and be gone, and the most important thing I can put my eye on, is Him.   He will continue to show me the path and comfort me during these moments when I feel like the world is against us.  (just don't read ANY of the comments after anyone says the supreme court was wrong-you'll see what I mean)

I don't think love won today.  I think it lost a great battle.  I feel like the sacrament that I professed to almost 19 years ago, took a terrible hit today.  I am no great theologian.  I read the bible, but don't claim to be able to explain it verbatim.  I love the Catholic faith, but have honestly been studying it faithfully on and off again for 18 years and still can't remember all it's rich beauty and depth.  But my heart tells me that there are a lot of people who are suffering tonight.  Who think this is a huge victory, but inside, are really struggling with their feelings.  They've been told what they believe is right, but perhaps, in their deepest thoughts, God might be whispering something else.


I don't know.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe God wants us all to marry and be happy.  No matter the cost.  No matter what.   I mean, why stop at a man and a man?  Or a woman and a woman?  Why not two men and a woman?  Why, better than that, three women and two men?  Wouldn't this be a good time to legalize polygamy?  I mean, it's LOVE right?  The people who have been in polygamist marriages claim it is.  Isn't that the only thing that counts?  Love?  It's not fair they can't be legal.  The door is wide open now.

Or how about a woman and a goat?  Or a horse and a man?  Or how about two women and a dog?  I mean, isn't that ok?  It's after all, love.  And love trumps everything, right?

Absurd?

Bet if you traveled back in time 100 years ago?  They would think the Supreme Court ruling today would be absurd, too.

I should probably just go to bed and pray.  Pray very hard for all the world.  Most especially my children who I'm trying to teach how to grow up in this crazy, bizarre, sometimes so confusing world.  I'm trying to teach them that when it says in the bible, "remember they hated me first..." (~Jesus) that He wasn't kidding.  People will hate us because of our beliefs.  I will teach my children to be loving.  I will teach them to be outstanding citizens in this country, but mark my words, I will, til my dying breath, teach them that our God is a loving God, but also a firm God, and His word, which has withstood over 2000 years of scrutiny, will always stand true.  The truth will set them free.  God makes no mistakes.   If He made you a man,  you are a man.  If He made you a woman, you are a woman.  His design is not flawed.

I'd rather take my chances at being wrong, and face the consequences with God, Himself,  at my final judgement, than to take the culture's word for it....

And for those who continue to say that Jesus would be all inclusive-and let love win no matter what,  I quoted two scripture verses from the Gospels of Matthew and Mark. (above)  Gospels were written accords of Jesus' actual teachings/words.  Those quotes above?  Jesus said them.   Corinthians?  That was St. Paul, whom Jesus actually appeared to after he (Paul) had been persecuting Christians (actually KILLING them for their beliefs) and asked him why he was persecuting him (Jesus).  Paul (who at the time was Saul) had a conversion and never turned back.  Devoted the rest of his life to teaching what Jesus Christ taught the first Apostles.  Died a martyr's death because of it.

I'm gonna err on the side of caution and stick with those historical rock stars.....

Three more days.....oh my....

I'm giving up Facebook in three days.

Now, I didn't say I was giving it up forever.  I'm basically just logging out and tossing my password in the deep recesses of my filing cabinet.  Detox usually takes about a week so I'm guessing if I shove it far enough back in the giant mess that is my cabinet, I'll get extremely annoyed before I find it and just give up. Eventually, after a week or month or so, I'll be fine.

Isn't that sad?  How addicting something can become?  I mean, seriously.... I haven't been on Facebook much lately and it's starting to already become a problem.  Two people have asked me where I am, one person actually called to find out if I was ok, and several people tagged me in posts and wondered why I didn't reply.

We are super connected to social media.

I started about two weeks ago with the general announcement that I was taking a break once school got out.  I deleted it off my phone, took the password off my laptop and basically left it on my main computer.  (shoot- that's a lot of technology I'm addicted to already....)  The usual comments were made,  and several friends inboxed me to make sure I exchanged info to keep in touch in other tech worlds, like email or texting.

I don't mind keeping in touch with people.  I love seeing people's posts, pictures, memes and reading great Catholic material.  But it's starting to really suck me in and I find hours slip by.

I don't want to be that parent.

You know the one.  Walks down the street with their kids and oddly, is holding their cell phone and texting.  Kids are walking and playing and having a ball, and said parent is nose deep into something very important (ok, typical crazy momma disclaimer- I know there are a LOT of important people- I'm married to one of them, and there have been occasions when he's had to be on his phone with the kids in tow- I get it, not talking about you, just those that are chronic phone won't come out of my hand users....)

But the more days I spend away from Facebook, the more I notice something.

I'm not missing it too much anymore.

I don't miss the subtle hateful political, religious comments that come the day after I post something about my own faith or political views.

I don't miss the selfie world at all.  We have become quite the narcissistic world haven't we?  And I was right there with them....

I don't miss everyone's perfect children.....including mine.  You know some crazy data breech occurred with my husband's job, and now???  There's a very good chance every bit of private info about me and my family has been released to the crazies of the world.... I don't WANT to see my kids on Facebook anymore.  Or anywhere public.  Thankfully no one in my house does Instagram, or Snap Chat or any of those other dangerous sites (bite me if you don't think they're dangerous....) So there aren't other pictures of my kids floating around for people to get their hands on.... Just our SSN's.... :(

By perfect children, I of course mean nothing personal.  I sometimes think we portray a false sense of reality to the cyber world and it gets sometimes stressful even for a seasoned train wreck like myself to constantly see.  Should we really be asking ourselves, "why can't my family be like them?"  Because I'm guessing I'm not the only crazymomma who's ever thrown a temper tantrum in front of her kids..... or maybe I am.... Too often, we can get caught up in the social media world and start to self doubt pretty much every single thing we're doing from what the right age is to potty train (which is pretty much been different for every.single.child.I.have) to what kind of food we should feed our families.  I'll be honest- I've almost gotten myself removed from the grocery shopping duty several times after trying to buy every single item organic.

Do you KNOW how much I spend as it is a week at the grocery store?  

I don't miss seeing where every person has "checked in" at.  Cause if I know where you are right now, so do a lot of people.  And that includes thieves.  Just sayin.....

I have really kind of enjoyed stepping away from technology.  I have limited my time checking emails to twice a day.  I try to put my phone in one spot in the house and only if my husband is doing something dangerous, or is out of town, do I put it upstairs in my bathroom.  Other nights it's downstairs in the kitchen so if anyone has a true emergency, they'd better know my land line number or my husband's cell number.

I really want to focus on my kids this summer.  I mean totally focus.  I already have enough distraction with laundry, dishes, grocery shopping (did I mention I go to the store at least three times a week??) and other house hold issues, so my time with them is already limited to an extent.

I don't know when I'll get back on Facebook.  Shoot- after the first week the kids are out, I may jump back on full throttle to just escape the insanity.  But my goal is two months.  A two month sabbatical from the chaos of this world.  I will read the news and try to keep up with my favorite Catholic websites, but mostly, I want to just be mom to my seven crazy kiddos.

I don't want to have any regrets with them in that department.

I'll still blog when I can, though.  Because that's my sanity and thought process pleasure.  Some things you just have to hold on to....  :)

Summer Time fun despite my mom the teacher....

I love summer.  Seriously.  I LOVE summer.

I am certain that my love of summer has been dramatically enhanced since moving up to snowland.  Summer is a time to be treasured.  Embraced.  Enjoyed.  Lived.  Relished.  Savored. I could go on but I'm limited not only with my vocabulary (I don't have my thesaurus on this lap top right now) BUT my two year old is being entertained by Veggie Tales, "God is Bigger Than the Boogie Man" and it's only a half hour show so I MUST type quickly!!!!

Back to summer.

I LOVE summer.  Right now, there are 11 1/2 more days of school.  Technically my older two are finished with classes a week from today, but the younger ones have school until June 23rd.

I can't wait.  No more homework.  No more early wake ups (oh, who am I kidding, I have a two year old AND a nursing baby....) No more rushed mornings and lunches packed every.single.day.

Disclaimer here, i don't pack my kids lunches.  I have taught them how to pack their lunches and they've been doing it since Kindergarten.  Seriously, I don't have time to pack five lunches.....

But not to say schedules are flying out the door this summer..... One thing my blessed children have that many do not is a teacher for a mom....

My kids love the fact that I'm a former teacher. (eye roll here...)

Ok, maybe not.

I tend to make sure the learning doesn't end on the last day of school....but in my defense, studies show that children do tend to forget quite a bit during the two months they are off.  Hence why most schools spend an entire quarter on review the first nine weeks of school!!

So I'm here today to share my standard summer vacation.  I don't by any means, want to project that we stick with this schedule (minus the camps/band activities that we paid for, of course)but it's a general idea of what we do to not only enjoy summer, but keep to a little bit of schedule so that we don't turn to complete mushpots..... Not that mushpots are a bad thing....

This picture I actually stole from an awesome blog I was just recently introduced to,  handsfreemomma.  She's amazing.  But this is something I've been doing with my own children for some time now.  It just looks all neat with this picture....
Each one of my children (school age of course, which is five kiddos-the two year old will have something similar, but mostly geared to just free draw) will have a folder and journal similar to this.  They will also have a handwriting book.

This is the 5th grade version I have, but I also will have the second grade version (my now first grader is desperate to learn cursive and this book introduces it nicely), the seventh grade version, and two copies of the eighth grade version.  My older two will both be in high school next school year, but they spend zero time writing in cursive during school, so this is how they will refresh their memory!

If you want to see where I got these amazing books, click here

I would go into detail about why writing in cursive is very important in our children's development, but remember, I'm on a time crunch and I can save that one for another blog.  Common core has basically wiped the idea of even needing cursive since we are fastly becoming a tech only world.  I digress, but be assured, there is nothing more important than encouraging both sides of our brain during adolescence and cursive handwriting is a GREAT way to use our brains productively that NO electronic device or keyboard can replicate.

Back to summer time fun.

So in my children's folders will be those handwriting books.  There will also be a reading log!  Now my oldest has to read Jane Eyre for 10th grade Honors English, so her log may just be to note how often she spends reading that particular novel and then we will re-evaluate another "mom choice" novel she will do after.  Reading logs are so easy to find.  Seriously- google free reading logs.  You'll be amazed....

Here is just one example of one I currently have on file.  There are so many out there, but here is one website I "borrow" from often.  (hey, it's FREE!!)  Click here

For each child, I evaluate what reading level they're in to determine how many books I expect by the end of summer.  My future second grader is just getting into chapter books, but still enjoys picture books, so I will encourage her to choose a few chapter books, but will expect her to read about 15-20 books.  (this is not a lot when you think about how many millions of fun books are at the library!)
My future 5th and 7th graders I will encourage and expect about 10-12 chapter books, and of course, depending on the books, will re-evaluate if they choose long novels.

My future 9th grader will of course depend on what is assigned for summer, if anything.  He is an AVID reader, so I imagine I can assign him at least 5-10 big novels and he'll have zero problem completing that challenge.

For a list of age appropriate books, check your local library first.  Our library always has a GREAT list of books for each grade level.  Not to mention, teachers are more than willing to share great books their kiddos would probably enjoy reading for the summer.  If you're still at a loss, click here 
That is a GREAT list with all kinds of genres of fun!

Now, also in these folders, will be a fun, pretty, attractive, nice looking, handsome, (whatever else adjective to describe for your child's fun summer journal) will be a notebook, AKA, journal for writing prompts.

Writing prompts are so very easy.  Seriously.  Once a week I will encourage (don't you love my vocabulary?  Encourage can also be traded for the word, expect...) my children to write a paragraph or more using a writing prompt list I will include in their folders.  If you can't find any prompts online, make up your own.  I'll post the list I "borrowed" off the internet.  (again, Handsfreemomma blog- love this lady!!!)

20 writing prompts to do with your children...

Click on that link because suddenly, my computer has decided to stop copying and pasting and I'm running out of minutes!!!!

So that's the folder for summer.  There will also be a great challenge to remain technology free as much as possible this summer.  Now, along with the folder of fun (ha!) I also will register them for a math program (either IXL or another I find that would be more appropriate for older grades) for them to complete a few days a week to keep their math skills sharp.  Most of these are just basic math fact practices which are essential for keeping up with the enormous math challenges for the younger grades (don't get me started on common core again...).  This will be completed with a time chart for each child.  I haven't found one I like yet, so I may have to post that at a later date-but it goes along with my "tech free as much as can be" summer challenge I plan to implement.

There is nothing sadder than seeing my kids walking around with electronic devices glued to their hands.  I don't want this for numerous reasons, but the biggest reason is missing the present moment.  I have a feeling (me seriously included in this) if we took a long hard look at how much "tech" time we spend on our devices, whether phone, computer, ipad, ipod, etc, we'd be terribly surprised at how much time we spend on these things.  Spending some time isn't bad in and of itself, but there have been times where I started looking for meals on Pinterest and before I knew it, 1 1/2 hours had passed and no recipes were printed off..... I was sucked in to the WWW and couldn't get out....Kinda reminds me of that scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory???

So this summer, my children will not be able to be on their devices or the computer (which BTW- as a little advertisement from my awesome law enforcement husband- keep those devices, all of them, out of their bedrooms, ok?  Even the ipod touches are literally, little computers with access to the WWW and access to all the dangers of the WWW, so for Pete's sake, keep them in a high traffic area....)-until they have completed a few tasks prior.

1.  Made their bed.  (this is much harder than most would think.  You would think I was asking for a kidney or blood draw...)
2. Cleaned up their rooms (get this, if they go to bed with it straightened up, this won't be that difficult)
3. Eaten breakfast and loaded their bowl/plate in dishwasher.  (remember, I don't make lunches, so guess what else I don't do????)
4. Helped unload dishwasher and put up dishes from prior night (not too much to ask since most of these are from them anyway!!)
5. Completed their assignments from their summer fun folders.
6. Completed their camp/band lesson/swim lesson.  Four of my kids are doing summer band on Tuesday and Thursday from 10-12.  One is doing swim lessons on Monday and Wednesday (literally 30 minutes) and three have basketball and volleyball camps.  My son starts high school marching band in July, but that is in the evening, so we'll evaluate his tech time when we get there....

So that's it!  Just a snippit from a crazy momma of crazy kids and how we'll spend our summer.  It's not concrete, written in stone, and it's completely open to days that we decide to pack a picnic and head to a great spot, visit friends and swim, or anything else that pops up for us to explore.

This summer- try to enjoy every moment you can.  It's so important to be "present" for your children.  You won't get this moment back ever again.  Make it the best moment you can.

To God be the Glory!!

Night terrors, wandering toddlers, and overactive imaginations....

So last night was probably the worst night in a month or so....it started out alrite, but by bedtime, I knew I was in trouble...grab a cup of coffee, a hanky, some laughing gas and hold on....

My husband is out of town.

I don't handle his work trips.   I always have this amazing image of me standing there, toddler at my leg, baby on my hip, with my superwoman cape on as I wave goodbye to the hubs.  I turn around and walk back into the house and with the snap of a finger, my entire house is cleaned, dinner is simmering on the stove, and the children are blissfully working on homework or playing dutifully outside and smiling with that June Cleaver, Leave it to Beaver, smile....

Than reality hits.

I realize (that's the reality part), that he's gone for a super extended amount of time, there's nothing planned for dinner, the house is a train wreck (believe me, when there is an unflushed bowel movement in the toilet, I can assure you, it's a train wreck....), and my sanity, (which was never really there to begin with) left in that big ole work suburban the hubs drove off in....

For the week up to his departure, I began to experience what I like to call, mini heart attacks.  In all actuality, they are these very annoying panic attacks that feel like heart attacks.  It's a pain, right in the center of my chest towards the top, that comes as quickly as it leaves but unfortunately, makes my panic even WORSE because I'm convinced it's my heart.  I'll even have heart palpitations because I'm so worried it's a heart attack.  (yes.....I know....my husband is up for sainthood....)

So he left.  I turned back and walked into my train wreck of a house and sat down and had the first of several pity parties in my head....

We managed to get through dinner (bowls of cereal, sandwiches, and whatever else we could find...)and got to the time I dread the most....

Bedtime.

Why is bedtime such a nightmare for me?  I will enlighten you....

I have seven children.

Oh wait, that's a lie.  Well, not the seven children part.  It's a lie for me to say bedtime is a nightmare because I HAVE seven children.  Bedtime has always been a nightmare, since the introduction of children in our home....

For some reason, bedtime in my house becomes something that more resembles the aftershock of a war.  There are wet towels, naked bodies, dirty clothes, and crying babies for a good part of an hour and that's just with the youngest two.  Dealing with the older five is ten times worse because one would think they would KNOW better than to leave wet towels and dirty clothes lying all over the place, but oddly, they don't!  So once I finish telling my children in the kindest mom voice I can find to clean up.....(Ok, that might be stretching the truth a bit) I am exhausted and it's only EIGHT O'CLOCK!

So we gather in my room for prayer time.  I need this more than they do.  I need them to see that despite my insanity, which somewhat probably just resembles everyday me, we still stick to the routine....

Oddly, all of my children prayed for me to remain calm while dad is away....I am grateful for their prayers, but feel awful all in the same breath.  Nothing like the mouths of babes to reveal the ugly truth about ya.

Finally the most difficult moment in all the night (or so I thought) begins.  Putting the toddler to bed.
I should have known a month ago when we put her in her big girl bed so the baby could have the crib that it was too good to be true.  She was amazing and adapted to her bed instantly.  I should have known better!!!!  What makes it worse, is that the toddler, number six in the food chain, is about the most stubborn, independent, you can't make me do ANYTHING unless I want to, unreasonable child we've ever had.  (as I'm typing this, she is bringing me a bag of Pirate's Booty for me to open and let her eat, because, well, she's hungry and found a chair to push, climb up on, and get a snack.....)

She has developed this lovely habit of climbing into the top bunk to sleep with her 6 year old sister.  Which is adorable, but all those baby police out there have already taken the CPS speed dial on their phone and pressed it.  Cause we all know that the top bunk specifically says something to the tune of, "The top bunk is not appropriate for anyone under the age of 5."  Or something like that.  In my book it actually says, "once a child has mastered the art of being able to climb up to the top bunk successfully when there ISN'T EVEN A LADDER, than all bets are off for an 'appropriate' age."

So I finally concede and let her fall asleep with the six year old.  I figured snapping my back in half trying to get her down into her bed was a far easier battle than wrangling her while awake.  Some nights, we must pick and choose our battles....

Once I settled the older ones into their rooms, I shut down the house and went to bed myself.

Here's where the night terrors began.

I hate sleeping alone.  I hate sleeping in a big ole house alone.  And yes, there are seven other bodies in this house sleeping with me, while I don't sleep, but it's not the same as another adult in the house with me.  I.AM.A.BABY.

I hate the dark night, with all it's freaky noises, and all the sounds I am CONVINCED are actual people breaking into my house.

Last night, at one point, I was CERTAIN there was someone standing outside my door.  (now, this isn't always entirely impossible, because there ARE seven children in my home, six of which, can actually get out of bed and stand outside my door....)
But there was a gunman outside my door, with a giant, silent machine gun waiting to blow me to smitherenes...... Ok, I also must admit, I am the FIRST to say I have quite the imagination.  Well, the second really, because the problem is, I admit these stories to people, i.e. my husband and he is convinced my brain is wacky....perhaps....

So I laid there for the better part of an hour, in sheer terror.  I also heard someone walking outside trying to get into my house AND I heard someone messing with our compost bin.

(I am really laying out my rawness here, people.  You have no idea...)

So, apparently I eventually passed out.  Probably out of sheer terror.  Thankfully, tho, this time, I didn't fall asleep with my neck or head bent in a awkward position because of my fear because that really stinks when you wake from that position to discover you have scored the greatest crick in your neck possible.....

At 12:30 am tho, the baby started her nightly ritual of waking for a quick drink.  The only problem is, the ritual lasts about an hour to an hour and a half and involves her occasionally crying, slamming her legs down, and passing gas like she's a machine gun herself....So from 12:30-2 this morning, I had intermittent sleep as I was awoken about every 5-10 minutes or so from her noises.  Finally, at 2, it was clear she was officially ready to eat.

And don't even try to tell me that I should just pick her up at 12:30 and feed her.

It's the principle of the matter.  I am training her to sleep through the night by torturing myself.  It's a tried and trusted method.....ask my older six....

So at 2 I'm feeding her and the masked gunman is back at my door.  I really might need professional help, but I'm thinking that it will all work itself out eventually.....

She eats quickly and I put her to bed, and do the mad dash to the bathroom and get back in bed before my visitor has time to realize what I've done.  Thankfully, I was able to render myself unconscious rather quickly that time.  Sometime between the time of 4:30-5;00 I was awoken to a different sound.

This time, the sound wasn't just in my head.  (thank you very much)

It was the pitter patter of little feet and guys, IT WAS COMING FROM DOWNSTAIRS.....

I knew what it was immediately, but for some reason, kept thinking, 'it can't be.'

I opened my door, and saw the toddler/six year old's door open.   DARN IT..... She can escape now.

Sure enough, halfway up the stairs, comes that little stink pot, carrying her blankie and telling me she wants 'Me-we.'   That's short for Mary.  Her sister.  That she shares a room with.  Guess she forgot she was still in the room with her.

Now.  It's o dark thirty.  Has anyone else tried to convince a toddler at o dark thirty that she still needed to be in bed?

Let your imagination run wild with that fun party I had.

I crawled back in bed at 5:45.  Great.  I had 15 minutes before I needed to wake up Jackson, AND the baby had apparently begun her ritual of needing to eat.    Holy smokes.  What a night.  I wanted to fall asleep so badly and just say, "to heck with it" and let the kids fend for themselves, but I've actually been trying to be a better mom lately, and get up with them.... :)  Hey- cut me some slack- there are a LOT of people in my house....

So there it was.   My first night alone in I don't know how long.

People, I have four more nights to go.  Please pray for me.  Between the night terrors, the wandering toddler, and my insanely overactive imagination,.....it's gonna be a long four nights.....

And don't worry about laughing about this post- honestly, I laughed so hard when I recalled all the other "imaginings" I didn't enlighten you with- perhaps that can be for tomorrow's blog....

Life is too short to worry about the dandelions.....

I don't make a whole lot of sense right now, but hopefully, but the end of this blog- you'll either be enlightened, and feel as though it "finally made sense," or you'll be even more confused and decide you've had all you can handle of crazyCatholicmomma.... It's ok.  Some days, I feel the same way, too.....

This morning my religious ed class and about 50 other kiddos had their First Communion.  It was a beautiful Mass and the children looked amazing.  I was definitely moved by it all as I prayed for each one of the kiddos in my class.  I prayed they would always be able to receive communion, every day if they so desired.  I prayed that their parents would teach them the absolute truth about the Catholic faith, despite their own personal opinion (which sometimes tends to drown out the truth) and let their child/children decide for themselves how to handle the truths of the Church.  I prayed for the ones who never attended Mass, basically until today, that somehow, a head to heart connection would happen and that the Holy Spirit would light a fire in their hearts and the desire to learn about the Church would ignite.  It happened to me a million years ago, so I know it can happen to anyone....

After Mass, I drove home listening to my music and just enjoying the amazing view on the drive home.  You see, winter was extremely long here.  Extremely long......I mean, extreeeeeeeeeemely long....Throw in one more extremely and it will almost describe the winter we had.

But now, the beauty of spring is abounding.  Flowering trees, green grass, birds, blue skies, and above all else, warmth.  Natural warmth.  Nice, shiny, big, yellow sun, warmth.  It is beautiful.
Something else I also noticed today while driving home was something that most people find rather annoying, and spend lots of money to get rid of and complain about the constantly.....

Dandelions.....

It really kind of caught me off guard what popped into my head.  It had actually been on my mind the night before as I worked in my flower garden, but didn't come to fruition until this morning....

Life is too short to worry about the dandelions.....

I have a neighbor who hates weeds.  I think she really doesn't like us either, and perhaps lumps us into weeds, but I remember a conversation I had with her about my yard.  She likes to tell me things I should do to my yard.  I can't blame her.  My yard looks like crap.  I mean, seriously, I have SEVEN children.  I can assure anyone who asks, that my yard is the LAST thing I'm going to spend a great deal of time worrying about.....but weeds were a hot topic this specific conversation we had.   She does not like dandelions and I felt she was telling me this because my yard is full of them, and of course, how are dandelions spread?  The lovely white seeded flower part that most of us as kids, remember picking and blowing - there by aiding in the distribution of there forever being an endless supply of dandelions in our world.....  So, I'm almost certain that she was expressing her dislike of these annoying weeds to me because of the fact that sooner or later, my children were going to blow those seeds right into her yard and she would continue to have to have her yard serviced with a fantastic chemical to kill these beasts!

I think back to that conversation and others like it that I've had about similar "dislikes."  Whether it was weeds, or illness, or cranky New York drivers, or taxes, or yard work, or whatever the dislike, we all have them.  Dislikes.  Things that annoy us.  Things that bother us, whether external or internal.  Whether something that directly affects us, or affects those we love....

Dandelions.

To some, these amazingly yellow flowers are nothing more than an annoying weed that strangely has the root system of a one hundred year old tree.....

To others, these flowers represent our childhood.  Visiting Grandma.  Sitting on the swing set at the park.  Picking a "bouquet" to give to Mom after playing all day outside....

Regardless of how we feel about dandelions, one thing is certain.  Dandelions, just like everything else, are passing.  Sure, we've seen the fields that seem to have boundless amounts of dandelions.  The fields that are so full they basically look like they were painted yellow.  But too soon, summer ends, the dandelions die, and winter takes over again.....and the dandelions are gone again until the next year thaw.....

I'm not sure I'm making sense right now, but looking at the dandelions on my drive home from First Communion Mass hit me very nostalgically.  I was brought back to my own First Communion in 1981.  I still remember pictures of me with my super boy style hair  cut.  Some of the pictures even had dandelions on the ground.  My grandma's house was on the east side of Knoxville, TN.  I am guessing not too many people in her neck of the woods worried too much about the weeds in their yards and probably not many at all wasted any money on having a company come spray and get rid of them....

Now, before anyone gets offended, my disclaimer is that if you enjoy spending money quarterly to have your grass look like it should be on the cover of Southern Living, more power to you.... I used to get my yard sprayed as well, and before I had kids, and realized most were poisonous yuck that could be affecting my environment, kids, and dogs, I loved seeing a super green yard that looked like carpet.  Even those who use all natural, organic sprays, more power to you as well..... end of disclaimer...

My grandma would have little cups just waiting for my sister and I to bring her the latest find in the flowery field of weeds in her yard.  Whether it was buttercups, dandelions, or these tee tiny little purple flowers she had all over, or those white flowers- can't think of the name of them either, but there was always a plethora of flowers to be picked and plopped in her cups.  And she always seemed genuinely thrilled that we brought her flowers....

As I was driving and reminiscing about my grandma's yard and my first communion, another thought struck me.  Maybe a slightly more morbid thought, but a thought nonetheless.

We can't take our perfectly manicured lawns with us to Heaven.   Our goal is not to teach our yard all about Jesus and His gift to us.  Our yard won't care either way if we spray it this year and don't next year and quite honestly, neither will God.

What will matter is what did we do to make our world a better place?  Better than when we found it?  What did we do to bring Christ to all those around us?  How did we live our lives?  Did people notice us in a good way, or did they notice us in a bad way?

But the one thing I most definitely realized is that, life is too short to worry about the dandelions.

By that, I mean, simply, complaining about all those things that we "dislike" and all the things that quite frankly I like to call "first world issues" are really not going to aid us in our lives now or in the future.... Sometimes I think we tend to make some of the most petty things, huge, horrible disasters waiting to happen.

Dandelions for instance.

Your house value won't change because of those flowers....your life won't be any worse, better, or indifferent because of those flowers....

In fact, if we look at those deeply rooted, yellow "weeds" in a different light for even a moment- it might just make us appreciate thing a bit more.

Tomorrow, on Mother's Day, I am going to look at those beautiful yellow flowers that my children insist on bringing me everyday and I'm going to remember a simpler time.  I'm going to be reminded of my Grandma, Grace.  Spending the night with her and sitting on her front porch on lazy summer days.  Picking them and other amazing "flowers" and remembering her smile as she tells me how beautiful they are.   All because I picked them and brought them to her....

That is worth remembering that life is too short to worry about the dandelions....