Heavy hearts...

I have a heavy heart this evening....

I actually feel like my heart weighs far more than it really should.

There is so much terrible sadness in the world today.

A friend who just discovered breast cancer....

Another friend who's husband is unfaithful....

A friend who has lost family members so quickly in just weeks...

My husband, who is out trying to catch bad guys....really, really, really, really, REALLY bad guys...

And today, even though thankfully I'm not on Facebook at the moment, today our unelected, appointed supreme court judges, decided for all of us that the institute of marriage is now no longer between a man and a woman.

I know.  I'm a hater.  A bigot.  A pig.  A nasty white, trashy woman who feels superior to anyone less than me.

I know.  Don't say it.  I am an elitist.  I am selfish.  I am clearly deranged to believe in something as archaic as the church, or better yet, God.

I know.  I don't understand.  Right?  I don't understand how unfair it is that 'love doesn't win' when marriage is simply defined as an institution between a man and a woman.  I don't know what it's like to want something SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO badly and not be able to get it.  Simply because I exist, and am privileged, and apparently, have a silver spoon in my mouth.

But here is something to ponder.

What if, God is right?  What if the scripture verse that clearly and implicitly states that God made them "male and female and for this reason the man shall leave his family and cling to his wife and the two shall become one flesh," from Matthew 19:4-6, is how God intended marriage to be?  Mark 10:6-9 is also very similar.

What about 1 Corinthians 7:1-16?   Each man shall have HIS own wife and each wife shall have HER own husband and their bodies belong to each other (man and woman) and they are to be together explicitly, etc etc etc...

What about something less than the bible, or God, or Heaven forbid, CHURCH....

What if it's a simple as a puzzle?  I can't get past the fact that puzzle pieces fit together so nicely.  Very comfortable.  Almost like they were meant to be together forever.  Sorry, I miss my husband right now....

It seems to me, if something was to work together correctly, it would fit.  Like a puzzle.  Now, don't get all sadomasochist on me and tell me disgusting ways to "fit" because that is just not what I'm trying to do.  I'm trying to explain how, when a puzzle piece fits together perfectly, something good comes from that puzzle piece fitting.  In this case, the "good" could be the potential for life.
The puzzle piece fitting together is a good thing and from that can come something exponentially as beautiful.

But, Crazy momma, we know lots of people, men and women married, that didn't make babies that way...

Well, then that opens the door for even more discussion.  But for now, we'll keep it simple because it's 11pm, on Friday, I've just had my second glass of wine and my hubs is chasing after some really, really, really, really, really, really, bad guys, remember?  So I'm a tad emotional tonight.

I'm not trying to start a fight.  I'm trying to point something out here.

I was sad when I first heard the new about the supreme court. Not because I'm something selfish, hateful, or a bigot.  I'm not someone who wants people to be sad.

I was sad because once again, something I believe soooooooooooooooooooo strongly in (God creating marriage to be a sacred bond between a man and a woman and the gift of unitive love AND ultimately being open to the procreative part of the love comes from that) was basically swept under the rug and made to be a sham by our culture.

The beautiful thing about all this sadness became crystal clear this afternoon.  God is showing me with His little signal grace that all will be ok.  He assures me that with all this sadness, comes something from my heart that will stir me to prayer.  Deep prayer.  Sacrifice.  Deep sacrifice.  And most importantly, He is sharing once again with me that this life?  Temporary.  Fleeting.  In the blink of an eye, will change and be gone, and the most important thing I can put my eye on, is Him.   He will continue to show me the path and comfort me during these moments when I feel like the world is against us.  (just don't read ANY of the comments after anyone says the supreme court was wrong-you'll see what I mean)

I don't think love won today.  I think it lost a great battle.  I feel like the sacrament that I professed to almost 19 years ago, took a terrible hit today.  I am no great theologian.  I read the bible, but don't claim to be able to explain it verbatim.  I love the Catholic faith, but have honestly been studying it faithfully on and off again for 18 years and still can't remember all it's rich beauty and depth.  But my heart tells me that there are a lot of people who are suffering tonight.  Who think this is a huge victory, but inside, are really struggling with their feelings.  They've been told what they believe is right, but perhaps, in their deepest thoughts, God might be whispering something else.


I don't know.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe God wants us all to marry and be happy.  No matter the cost.  No matter what.   I mean, why stop at a man and a man?  Or a woman and a woman?  Why not two men and a woman?  Why, better than that, three women and two men?  Wouldn't this be a good time to legalize polygamy?  I mean, it's LOVE right?  The people who have been in polygamist marriages claim it is.  Isn't that the only thing that counts?  Love?  It's not fair they can't be legal.  The door is wide open now.

Or how about a woman and a goat?  Or a horse and a man?  Or how about two women and a dog?  I mean, isn't that ok?  It's after all, love.  And love trumps everything, right?

Absurd?

Bet if you traveled back in time 100 years ago?  They would think the Supreme Court ruling today would be absurd, too.

I should probably just go to bed and pray.  Pray very hard for all the world.  Most especially my children who I'm trying to teach how to grow up in this crazy, bizarre, sometimes so confusing world.  I'm trying to teach them that when it says in the bible, "remember they hated me first..." (~Jesus) that He wasn't kidding.  People will hate us because of our beliefs.  I will teach my children to be loving.  I will teach them to be outstanding citizens in this country, but mark my words, I will, til my dying breath, teach them that our God is a loving God, but also a firm God, and His word, which has withstood over 2000 years of scrutiny, will always stand true.  The truth will set them free.  God makes no mistakes.   If He made you a man,  you are a man.  If He made you a woman, you are a woman.  His design is not flawed.

I'd rather take my chances at being wrong, and face the consequences with God, Himself,  at my final judgement, than to take the culture's word for it....

And for those who continue to say that Jesus would be all inclusive-and let love win no matter what,  I quoted two scripture verses from the Gospels of Matthew and Mark. (above)  Gospels were written accords of Jesus' actual teachings/words.  Those quotes above?  Jesus said them.   Corinthians?  That was St. Paul, whom Jesus actually appeared to after he (Paul) had been persecuting Christians (actually KILLING them for their beliefs) and asked him why he was persecuting him (Jesus).  Paul (who at the time was Saul) had a conversion and never turned back.  Devoted the rest of his life to teaching what Jesus Christ taught the first Apostles.  Died a martyr's death because of it.

I'm gonna err on the side of caution and stick with those historical rock stars.....