My life....

So I'm nursing an injury I received last week doing something that should not have caused me to become injured, but now that I'm in my old age- I suppose I should get used to them.... My husband has asked if I need one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" buttons to push....

He's a card.

But the last week, up to today, I've not been able to really do much around the house.  Not that when I do much around the house you can really tell a difference, but today, for some reason- perhaps it's the hormones which are continually trying to work themselves out and through me, I came down the stairs, rounded the  corner and just sighed at the sight.

The first thing I noticed was how amazingly beautiful the sun looked streaming into my home (so see, I'm not completely focused on the yuck) but that immediately changed when I saw the sliding glass door.  The glass looked as though entirely too tall of children have been licking my windows.  What DO they do when I'm not hovering over them?   There were the usual smaller, lower to the ground smudges produced by the usual culprits- the 2 year old and 7 1/2 month old, but the other smudges?  Entirely too high for them.  And it was covering the entire glass.  And the window beside the door, and the front windows that are beside my front door- and so on and so on.... *sigh*

Then I came into the kitchen and several children had still not taken their laundry up to their bedrooms, two laundry baskets were still on the table, 8,000 pairs of shoes sat waiting for the 7 1/2 month old to begin chewing on by the garage door (why did we buy that big ole shoe storage again?)

There were dryer sheets all over the floor.  Pieces of egg and popcorn on the floor (someone had supposedly swept for me last night).  And there were about 2,000 little pieces of a baby wipe that someone had ripped into shreds.... (I'm guessing the Taz 2 year old...)

It got worse when I saw that no one cleaned up their breakfast mess on the counter.  The mounds of papers that have to be dealt with over the next few weeks were all over the other counter.  The dishes from breakfast hadn't even been rinsed off-( have you SEEN how oatmeal hardens on bowls??).  There were already a ton of dishes that needed to be washed.

As I made my way into the dining room, I stepped right into the pile that someone at least swept up last night.....  Not sure how I feel about that, but perhaps I should be pleased that at least the child in charge of sweeping that room had 1/2 done their job?

I was feeling flustered.  And to top it all off, Monday started my husband and I and my oldest daughter's new meal plan.  My oldest daughter struggles with acne in a terrible way.  We've tried everything.  I mean everything.  Medicines, all the "old wives tales," you name it.  So this weekend we talked to her about 1)taking her vitamins and drinking lots of water more consistently and 2) cutting gluten and sugar out of her diet as much as possible.  Gluten is fairly "easy" sugar on the other hand?   Holy moly batman- sugar is in EVERYTHING!!!  Why?  Why do they add sugar to everything???

But the results in just a few days have been astounding.  Her face is amazingly clear.  Now is it the vitamins?  Water?  Gluten/sugar free diet?   Who knows which it is, and perhaps it's a combination.  But for now- her face is continuing to clear up.  I think it's helping her attitude, too.  I am at least hoping that- albeit she's battling a bit of a virus this week (she was convinced she had Chron's disease), she begins to have a more positive attitude about things.  She's been a bit of a debbie downer and I know it's partly because school is busy, tough and demanding, but some of it, I believe, is her being a bit depressed about her face.

So, off on a tangent, but the last few days, dealing with my injury, not eating sugar, not eating gluten, has made me a tad off.  Maybe more than a tad off.  Today?  I want to head STRAIGHT to Sonic and order me a Route 44 Vanilla Dr. Pepper.  It's what I want.  It's what I need. I also wan't to eat an entire bag of pita chips and hummus.  Which you would think isn't too bad, but pita chips are gluten!!!

So I'm crabby and my house is a train wreck but something that came to me as I dwelled in my pity party of patheticness is that I signed up for a large family.  No one forced me to have one.  I volunteered for it completely and willingly.

Large families are messy.   They are busy, dirty, loud, obnoxious, and exhausting, but that's ok.  I love my family.  I look at every single one of my kids and I can't imagine my life without each one.  Each one of my babies brings something to this family unique and different.  Each one, although shares a similar look, is different, in most everything- personality, attitude, humor, sadness, talents, gifts, etc.  I love it.  They all bring their own diversity to the table every evening.  Each child has a special gift or talent.  I am in awe when I think about how awesome that each one is.  How amazing, smart, beautiful, talented, each child is.  I am humbled because I can't sometimes believe they actually CAME from me- I'll be honest- I more often than not say they must get it from their superman dad.  Because they are just amazing little people with amazing things to offer the world.

So when I sat there ever so briefly, because I really don't "sit" in this house, I perpetually move at a constant speed of "mad cat covering up crap," I realized that no, my house is not clean.  And no, it won't be the kind of clean I would like it to be for many, many, many, many, (oops, sorry, got carried away) years.  It won't have the nice furniture, the stain free walls (what the heck IS that on the wall by the fireplace, anyway and how did they do it????), it won't have the stain free carpet (dear Lord, please let this carpet last just a few more years....), it won't have spic and span wood floors (one day I WILL invent the self cleaning floor, and/or the drain in the middle of the kitchen to just hose it down every evening floor.....), it won't have all those things for a long time.

And that's ok.

I just have to keep telling myself not to be embarrassed by it.   I sometimes refuse to have people over because I don't want them to think I don't keep a "tidy" house.  I sometimes don't go out and do things because I feel I need to stay in and just spend the entire day doing maintenance (which is basically just survival- laundry, unload, load the dishwasher, wipe the sticky up before the 56 gazillion ants come back...)

That's not good.  Not good at all.

I struggle with perception.  I struggle terribly with it.  I'm sure it stems from my terrible self esteem I've struggled with my whole life!!  How sad is that?

What do people think when a mom of 7 can't keep her house clean?   What do they say about me and my dirty house???

Honestly?

Why does it bother me!!!

Pride.

It's all about pride.   I have to let that go.  God doesn't care if my house is spotless, or if my kitchen is a train wreck, or if I've put away the laundry, or wiped up the sticky floor.  He certainly wants me to take care of my family and do my duty as a wife/mother etc, but He certainly doesn't want me wasting my life worrying about what others think of me or my messy house...

So for now, and probably for the next 10-20 years, I'll take my messy kitchen, licked windows, dirty clothes, shoes lying everywhere, stained carpet and walls, and I'll just remind myself of who is causing it.....


Seven beautiful, loving, giving, sweet, precious, awesome, generous, talented, smart, unbelievable, children.

And just stick my pride in the toilet and flush it down.....

Don't judge my bathrooms now, too...