Ok, so I'm still pregnant. I had another ultrasound and saw ANOTHER amazing picture of something I STILL can not fathom how people can't see is life. LIFE. LIFE DAMMIT. Sorry, I am feeling rather sassy today because I am FEELING SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!
I'm OLD and I'm STILL PREGNANT!! Don't you see? I'm at that lovely term that doctors like to label people with who are over age 35 AMA.(yes, 35 is considered old- bahahahahahahaha-I know people who have had 5 children since turning 35-so HA on you, OLD!!!)
What is AMA? I'll tell you. It's a terrible term. Should be deemed as profiling if you ask me.... but you didn't, but you know I'll give my opinion anyway.
Advanced Maternal Age.
Da-da-da-dummmmmmmmmmm......
Yep. I'm old. According to webmd, women age 35-45 are 20% to 80% ( the lower percentage towards age 35, the higher towards age 45) more likely to have a miscarriage. That is extremely high and extremely scary. Those who have never had a miscarriage, probably don't understand the impact of a miscarriage on a woman. It's hard. It's probably one of the MOST unspoken about, painful, horrible parts of being a mom during our fertile years. I have had more than my share of miscarriages and they ranged from seeing a baby alive and kicking at 6 weeks and dying 3 weeks later, to seeing a positive pregnancy test one day and miscarrying the next. My babies are missed every single day. John Matthew, Gemma Rose, Michael and Maria. They all have taken a small piece of my heart with them when they passed from this place to the next. I am comforted in the fact that my God mourned with me, He loves life, and that I will one day meet these gems in my life and that is what makes it ok.
But this pregnancy not only came as a little surprise to me, but I knew all the dangers of being pregnant after 40. Not that these dangers are some how "all ok" now that I'm past the first trimester, but the odds are better for me to carry this little peanut to term. (and before anyone has a chance to say it, yes, old also runs the increased risk of defects/abnormalities, too, but I have plenty of people in my world who have had amazing children with some defect or another and they were extremely young, so defects can happen at any stage of the game and certainly don't (and WON'T) change my love or desire for this child).
And that baby. I teared up once again when I saw this little monkey jumping and dancing all over my belly. Kicking, jumping, moving it's little arms above his/her head. All of it.
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| Little Baby #7 kicking away! 14 weeks! |
I never tire of watching the scene on that screen. Life is amazing.
BUT- I'M STILL PREGNANT!!!
The all day sickness, the fabulous varicose veins, the spotting, the crazy highs and lows of depression, are all signs that my body, as old as it, is working (which, seriously, I don't think I'm "old" at all-I think all my birthing/nursing/raising the munchkins has helped my "parts" stay pretty darn young if you want my un-scientific opinion!!!).
I had a slight scare when they said there was blood in my urine sample, but then the doctor made me feel a million times better. Sometimes, (as it seems happens more often then not with this pregnancy) we bleed. Or we have blood. Shoot- when I was "young" and pregnant with #5, I poured blood out of me as though I was miscarrying at 9 weeks, only to find out there was a pocket of blood trapped above my baby that decided to find its way out of me. I bled until the baby was big enough to "plug" it up at 20 weeks, but I bled every day nonetheless! I need to remember that when I panic over these "old lady" things!!!
So today I found out I'm all good, tests came back negative, and I'm cruising until my "big" ultrasound on September 4th! That's the one where they can actually certainly see the sex of the baby-even though several are convinced they could see boy parts this ultrasound, this next one will for sure see parts-with baby's cooperation of course- but the big question is- Will my amazing husband cave this time and let me find out? We both have always been extremely adamant about not finding out the sex of the baby until birth. We have had the BEST time keeping people guessing on the sex. I love how the doctors and nurses get excited when they find out we don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl. I think they are just as thrilled when the baby comes out and they get to announce it! It's probably a lost art with the technology we have today- and of course, in keeping with my "old fashioned" ways-probably very un-trendy to most to not find out!
But there is a little desire now to find out. If in fact, those ARE boy parts people are seeing, I think I'd like to affirm it. It's not that I would prefer a boy over a girl- all babies are a gift and certainly, the children we have are given to us because we believe God knows exactly what we are capable of dealing with-but now it's more just to start preparing! I have ZERO boy clothes. I have ZERO boy things. I really have very little left for baby girls because #5 baby girl wore the rest of the clothing we had, pretty much OUT!
Plus, I sometimes tend to think since my husband is doomed to have a dozen girls, that I don't spend much time on a boy's name. I really study girls names, but for boys, I get one I think I could "live" with and leave it at that. I'd like to try to put some thought into a boy's name if I knew for certain it was a boy!
So a month from today, I will have the big ultrasound. Four weeks. I have four weeks to convince my sweet hubs to let me know whats cooking inside me. Is it another sweet little girl? Or is it another sweet rambunctious boy? We shall see!!
But either way- I'M STILL PREGNANT!!!!!!
And maybe just a "little" old... :)
I believe it will be a sweet little boy, every woman needs a son. Just as every dad needs a daughter, or in your family daughters!
ReplyDeleteJ. from Knox.