Pity Blog....

Today is just one of those days....

Seriously.   Have you ever had one?   You know, the one where, you got a few hours of sleep the night before because a little one started that croup cough?  You know the cough, sounds like a seal barking at the zoo?

Or you know it's nearly 70 degrees outside, and you haven't seen temps like this since last August, but the only thing you want to do is crawl into bed and pray the day starts over, or you sleep until the next day?

Or better yet, you wrestle with a one year old to take the medication you KNOW will help her ear infection, but you wind up wearing most of it all over your nice, clean, white, shirt?

I'm reminded of a Prince, or what ever his name became, Artist Formerly Known as Prince (would we call him Afkp? Sorry, I'm a tad tired...) song with the verse, "Dr. Everything will be alright."

Needing to hear that doctor tell me that right about now.

So it's puddle blog today.  The temperature couldn't be more amazing.  The beautiful skies, the 'knock you over, or even better, make your hair stand straight up' wind is even tolerable....

But because of several things, I'm in a puddle.

I want to quit today.  It started, oh, about midnite.  The baby, #7, little teeny tiny Taz, we'll call her, started coughing.  By coughing, I mean sounding like a seal barking like crazy.  She's had croup a month ago.  I really thought, in my ever so medical brain of mine, we've done croup!

Kinda like, we've done RSV.  Once you've done these things, it's like some kind of unwritten rule you don't have to do them again!!  Right?

Well, no.  I guess.  So this morning, after being awake most of the night walking in her room every half hour to see if she was still breathing, I was exhausted.  I called the pediatric clinic to talk to a nurse.  My pediatric office has the nicest nurses, and I needed a reassuring voice that 1) I would be ok, (cause it's all about me) and 2) should I bring her in?

Second pity moment arrived.  After waiting for what seemed like 1/2 an hour, another automated voice comes on to inform me, the medical line is no longer working.  If I choose to leave a message, it could take up to one whole business day to return my call.... seriously?  I waited 1/2 an hour (ok, more like 10 minutes) for them to tell that?  So, of course, I had to hang up and call back!  The woman tells me, "Oh it's working.  That's the new message...."  Ummmm, perhaps I need to call back on another more sane day to double check that one.....

My theory, in my pity party world, they want my money.  They don't care about me, or my daughter, they just want my co-pay....

Like I said, I'm working on very little sleep and zero patience...

So I got an appointment and tried to feed the little peanut.  Problem is, she is so congested, her nose is completely blocked with double barrels of snot coming out.  So I get the great idea I'll just squirt a little saline in her nose- it's always worked before....

That is until, my one year old developed the strength of Hercules....  She very deftly pulled the spray from my hand, wiped her nose all over my daughter's sweatshirt who was holding her, and screamed at me in her baby language, "Don't you ever try that little stunt again, lady!"

Ok, that's not what she said, but if she could talk, and I could understand baby language, that's EXACTLY what she would have said.  I promise.

My husband happened to come home after dropping off the older kids at the high school, just like that, my super hero went to the rescue.  He held her arms and head, all the while complementing her incredible strength, while I injected her nose with the spray.

Now, who really wants crap shot up their nose????  Anyone?  Hopefully not.  I don't.  But if I could only convey to this tiny human monster that it would make her feel better pretty quick by allowing me to momentarily torture her, she would most likely comply with me....   I hope....

But we forced the spray and in seconds, after wiping the giant mess off her face, she was noticeably breathing better.  The spray thins out the thick mucus and allows her to breath better....

I kind of think it's a miracle drug and this is the first baby I've ever really used it on - repeatedly....

My husband left and soon it was time to load the crew up....

I don't know about Sarah and Abraham, but being 43 and having two tiny monsters is waaaaaay more difficult than being 28 with two tiny monsters....  Or 30 with 3 tiny monsters, or 35 with 5 tiny monsters....

I am just feeling old.  And tired.  And sleep deprived.   So everything is going to be worse, at least today....

I finally got the two in the car after many, many tears (most of them mine) and bribes of snacks and juice....

We got to the doctors office and of course, had to wait.  I don't usually mind waiting.  Well, not in a doctors office.  Our pediatrician's office back home had two offices.  One was for sick visits, the other for well visits.  It was delightful.  I rarely visited the sick side, but when I did, I knew what to expect.  Here?  I don't know if the kid beside has the flu or is here for a checkup.  But I do know, no one wanted to be around my little teeny terror with the double barrels of snot pouring down her nose....

So I played the, 'what's this?' game.... Ever played that to distract a child?   Yea.  It doesn't always work and today, she was having none of it.  Strangely, my 3 year old Taz was just sitting her seat happy as a lark drinking enough water to sink the Titanic  (or cause us to visit the nasty bathroom before we left, inducing even more stress in my life....)

I pointed out every  single object I saw with eyes in the entire office.  I'm pretty sure the people around us were tired of looking up to see what I was so excited to see on the wall.

"Luci, oh my goodness, WHAT'S THAT?   What's THIS??  Wow, Luci, LOOK!!!!"

I was tired of saying it.  I think the nurses rushed to get me back because the one forgot to look up how to pronounce her name- they usually do that with my younger two since they have such 'non' American names....

'Lushia?  Looosha?  Lucia?'

I assured her we responded to anything that closely resembled her name....

She ushered us back.

They tried to get a pulse oximeter on her finger.  It's telling me it's misspelled, but I haven't the energy or the desire to look up the appropriate name for that annoying thing that I think doesn't work...  She was so upset, it wasn't going to give a good reading anyway- I've learned this from RSV- their screaming can altar the oxygen levels as well- and the way her croup was sounding, the nurse just said she'd send the doctor in.

The doctor didn't have much better luck, except that she could hear  her lungs were clear and her ear was infected.

They don't like to use steroids too much, but since she could hear her croup, she felt it was necessary to use at least today and tomorrow.  Hopefully it will shrink the swelling in her throat.  They noted if she gets croup again in May, June, or July or any other warmer month, they'll refer us to a pediatric ENT.  Just to rule out some type of smaller airway issue that is common among repeat croup babies...

Great.

But we got a script for a steroid and an antibiotic.  it's the first antibiotic she's been on in her entire 1 year and almost 2 month existence.  I find that pretty amazing considering she has six older siblings who are hideous sharers of everything BUT germs.....

I was completely exhausted at this point and worried the older one would fall asleep on the way to the store.  I had to get the first dose of steroid in her so it would begin to shrink the swelling.  I rolled the windows down and began acting a fool for the 3 year old.  Anything to get her to stay awake....

It worked.  Along with bribing her with lunch at wegmans.  I was also starving.  And had a headache.  The baby fell asleep, which was fine- so I took the 3 year old to the bathroom (this store has amazingly clean bathrooms) and checked on the medicine, and headed to food.

My three old ordered a slice of pizza.  It was a big as her head.  She got a water bottle too.  You would have thought she won the lottery.  I ate a sub.  It was about the most peaceful 20 minutes of the day.

Chiara had a ball.  We only almost dropped the pizza twice, and she actually caught it both times.  Makes lunch a win in my book.  We finished just as Luci woke up, so we quickly went to get her medication and head home.

Happy as a lark...

Once home, the pity party resumed as I was reminded that because of my lack of sleep, and hurried morning, I didn't get the morning breakfast, tornado mess cleaned up.  Luci began her usual screaming party since the start of this illness.  Which, makes for accomplishing anything pretty slim with her either in my arms, or pulling on me to pick her up....

I tried to feed her some food and give her both meds.  She was a Hercules again.  I'm amazed at her super human strength.  Steroids??  She needs none...  Most of the steroid either got on me, her shirt, or the floor.  Thank goodness they allow for spillage in the dosage.  I'm hoping it was enough to do the trick for the day until her night dose.  The amoxicillen was also a bit of a mess.  I am definitely going to be sporting a multi colored white shirt the rest of the day.  Once she realized this tasted way better than the steroid, she actually drank most of it.... again, hoping for the dosing spillage here....

I went to toss the wash rag in the laundry room and saw the state of my laundry room and literally stood there and just started crying silently.  Almost as if my world just received the most devastating news ever.  All it took was to see the incredibly large amount of laundry, coupled with the train wreck of a kitchen, and the filthy state of my entire home.... and I was bubbling mess...

Isn't it amazing what sets us off?  What the tipping point for pity is?  Mine was definitely enhanced by a dramatic loss of sleep. I am someone who struggles with sleep as it is.  I have chronic neck pain I battle, and finally felt I had gotten a hold of it, and had a set back last weekend that has sparked the rage in my neck again.  So that, coupled with the sleepless worry of her cough, the crazy exhausting day that is still today, just make me want to crawl right back into my bed and hope for tomorrow to come quickly....

I am reminded of someone who once commented on 'how I can handle' such a large family.

It's why I don't like to complain about it too often.  But maybe it's given people the definite false sense I can handle it....

A large family.

A sick child.

A night of not much sleep.

But I can't.  I can't handle these things anymore or any better than anyone else.  I can choose to sit here and cry in my laundry room, or let my 1 year old continue to wipe her snot all over me.  Drop her puffs all over the already messy floor, dump her water bottle for the umpteenth time, finally dislodging the valve so that the water just flows freely all over the floor, and pray that this is only temporary.

Life will get back to "normal" soon.... Yes, my "normal" is somewhat different from everyone else's normal, but we all view normal in a pretty similar way.

Mine tends to include the phrase, 'we all survived...."

Which is exactly I how I feel sometimes, by the time we all go to bed....

I think we sometimes (me superly included in this) tend to look at other people's lives and really compare them wrongly.  None of us should have the exact same lives.  That's what makes us all beautiful.  We're all different.  We all parent differently.  If we looked the same, it would be so boring.  But I think sometimes, we feel we don't measure up to what we're seeing either in person, or on social media, or in our actual social circles.

My life is crazy.  I think people really just want to see what a constant train wreck looks like.

I can assure anyone who asks, it's crazy train all day long.  Some days, I just want to scream, STOP.  Some days, I want someone to stop the planet from spinning and take me off....

Some days, I just want to sit and write a pity blog.

Here's to brighter days, happier moments, and a lot less snot in the very near future...

Literally happened right as I finished this blog....

The Post Review of the First EVER Catholic Women's Conference!

Wow.

Wow.

Really.  I can not think of a better description for what happened here Saturday.  (as I type this, I'm also saying wow to the shingles that are dancing on my roof....  *sigh*)

What happened here Saturday?

Something that has been missing for four years, and probably just as many years prior to 2012 as well.


There was a women's conference in WNY.  Not just any women's conference, but a conference put on by an amazing group of women that I am privileged to be a part of!

This is our group....

 I was pregnant with our baby #7 when the idea began to formulate among us.  Could we even pull off a women's conference?  I mean, it sounded nice.  We sure would like to attend one, but to actually put on one ourselves?  Seemed impossible.  But we kept talking about it.  This was the beginning of 2015.   It wasn't until my baby wound up in the hospital with RSV that we actually began making phone calls.  That was literally one year ago last week.  I remember I contacted two different potential speakers, found out their cost, and called my friends back and said, "never mind, ladies....we can't do this..."

They were so expensive!!  We would have to put down a deposit, pay airline tickets, hotel, food, it was almost too much for me to think about.  (this was when we knew our #7 was ok-just waiting to get her levels back up...)

I remember having a conversation with one of the ladies about us contacting the local radio station.  We figured, if they knew there was a genuine interest, they might be called to bring another one back to our area.  So we called.  And we waited.

I always tell God lots of things.  Probably too many things.  He's my Father-my eternal Father, so I talk to Him like He's my Dad.  I remember specifically telling Him that if He wanted us crazy women, with half a million kids between us, to plan a conference, He was going to have to open every single door and help us make it happen.

And wouldn't you know it, just as He does everything, He answered me ever so softly in my heart and put the desire there.  It was that kind of desire that when you talk about it, your heart gets racy, your face gets hot and you know you need to do something?  He answered me, all right, with a resounding, 'crazycatholicmomma, I'd love to....'

So we worked.  We planned.  We talked and we prayed.  What would it take to make this work?  How much money would we need to have up front?  What kind of speakers could we even afford?

The first thing we needed to do was to seek the Bishop's permission and blessing.  The funny thing was that the Bishop was out of town off and on for several months and his secretarial assistant was actually out of the country.  So we quietly continued to plan, with the hopes that the Bishop would see this as a beautiful opportunity for his flock of WNY.  We didn't want the word getting out until we had his blessing.  It was that important to us.  We thought, however, we could go ahead and figure out, if not schedule, a few speakers ahead of time.

 The first person that popped into my mind was Dr. Ray Guarendi.  I would listen to him on the radio and just laugh at his sense of humor.  He seemed to be very neutral when it came to speaking to anyone so I wasn't worried about him not being able to reach women of all ages and stages of the game.  I emailed his site.

He replied immediately.

I had my first conversation with what I love to call, "my Catholic rock stars..."  (because as you will remember, it's all about me...)

He was not available on the date we requested so we had to go back and revisit our plan.... We finally settled on a date, February 27, 2016.  He was in fact available and told me we'd be in touch later on to discuss details.

Simple.

Yet not so simple.

The two months it took to get and receive the Bishop's blessing was stressful!  Who else would we get?  Who else could we afford?  Dr. Ray was easy- he was driving from his location since it was "so close" and his fee was very affordable.  (to this day, I feel as though we got WAAAAY more than what we paid him!!!)

When the Bishop's secretary finally got back into the country and contacted me, he said he would give him all our information and get back to me.  Talk about pressure. In the meantime, we worked out a slight glitch in where we could host the event.  We made tentative plans for another speaker, Hallie Lord, to speak.

When we finally received the blessing from Bishop Malone, we took off.  We held our first planning meeting, and invited several people we thought could be very instrumental in helping us.  We were contacted once again by the diocese because apparently, they needed to make sure we were a legit Catholic group (I assured him we were 100% authentic Catholics- following the Magisterium).

The roller coaster was off and we were literally sitting in the car, holding on for dear life, and screaming at every high and low!  We didn't stop until yesterday.  The day after our event.

I'm just going to leave you with a few pictures and then a few words (I promise it will be brief) about the experience of our first women's conference....

Getting ready for mass to begin.  We realize there are probably 500 women...

Bishop Richard Malone during his beautiful homily!

Our very own Channel 2 news anchor, MaryAlice Demler

Danielle Bean-excellent talk!

Hallie Lord, Heather Schieder, & Danielle Bean.  Some of the funniest Catholic women out there...

Hallie Lord-wonderful words!  

Just reminiscing over cast pictures....

Fr. Bill Quinlivan with his Reconciliation reflection!

Dr. Ray Guarendi with two of my favorite peeps!

Dr. Ray and MaryAlice Demler.  One of the funniest moments of the day...

Dr. Ray.  Seriously laughed so much during his talk.  

 

Don't ask.  Just don't ask.  Heather is about the funniest woman alive in America today...

Danielle and I the day after as she heads home from the windy WNY!

The day could not have been any better than it was.  Are there areas we need to work on for next year?  Absolutely.  Registration was like herding cats- it was a bit chaotic.  Parking was a bit hairy- I'll forever have running over a cone (put in the spot I was stopped in for our Bishop) and getting out to make sure Danielle and my kids got out safely and seeing our actual Bishop right.behind.me.waiting.on.the.very.spot.I.was.in..... Lots of humility abounded that day, there....

I will tell anyone who asks, that the women never once complained about parking to me.  The gentlemen who helped with parking said the same thing.  They were very complimentary of everyone in attendance.

Lunch went fairly smoothly, the three locations really helped.  Note to self, GF lunches will be kept behind locked doors until said GF ladies find us.... lesson learned there....

The day was just a beautiful, beautiful, example of God's grace and mercy shining through.  I was astounded by it throughout the day.

So that's a wrap.  The conclusion?   We are a here to stay.  We are already working on next year.  We have a date confirmed by our diocese.  We have a few speakers on the radar we are emailing and getting information from.  We are already planning a "debriefing" meeting with ideas/concerns we need to work on for next year.  It's so exciting, humbling, beautiful, to be a part of this amazing group of women.  I am truly blessed.  Truly.  To God be the Glory.  Always.

A Love Story...

I haven't had a whole lot of time to blog lately.  My life has been pretty all consuming between my seven children, their dad being gone for two weeks, and this little teeny, tiny, thing my friends and I are doing on the side....

Putting together a Women's Conference.  (I'll be blogging more about this later, because it's nearing crunch time and well, my brain is on overdrive with planning and selling tickets!!)

My girlfriends and I have been solving the world's problems for years.  By "solving" I mean, coming up with solutions for all the problems in our world, but not really...

One of our "problems" we wanted to solve was how could we get the women in our diocese, our own parishes, to want to learn more about their faith.  To want to grow in their faith.

 I can tell people until I'm blue in the face that our faith is awesome.  The Catholic Church is truly the one true church founded by Jesus Christ Himself. I can share facts, information, share with them the papal lineage from Peter all the way to Francis.  I can give book lists, pour out my heart and soul over books that completely changed my life, honestly try to convince women that I don't have a million children because I don't use birth control, but because I have a whole new appreciation for how God created family, sex, and my relationship with my super hero hubs...

I can sincerely share that I was about the farthest from my faith just 18 short years ago, but because of God's grace, He shared with me the true beauty of the Eucharist and opened my eyes to the True Presence of His Body, Blood, Soul, & Divinity found in the Eucharist.

I can try to share with them the Love Story that is our faith, and how beautiful it all ties in with Jesus and His ultimate gift for us.

There are books, friends, websites, witnesses, that I could share that completely impacted how I view the Catholic Church, but none of it matters.

Unless women feel that desire in their own hearts?  They will have none of it.  They would rather "do something fun" than learn about that old stuffy Catholic faith.

I actually had a woman share with me that she would attend Mass, and take her kids to religion, but other than that, it wasn't important to her.  Honestly.  I appreciated her honesty more than she'll ever realize because she speaks for large volumes of not just women, but lots of Catholics in our church.

And our Church continues to try to figure out how to "fix" this problem.  We have had awesome, and incredible programs developed and shared across the board.  From Lighthouse Catholic Media, to Ascension Press, to Life Teen, to the incredibly huge volume of reverts and converts who are so talented in communicating  their conversion stories either onto a CD, or writing a book that is super easy to read and incredibly inspiring and informative.

Slowly, some are reading these stories  and seeking conversions themselves.  But last weekend, I had the opportunity to speak at all SEVEN Masses at my parish, and I sat in the back vestibule, so I had the rare opportunity to see everyone who left through the middle doors, and I was really surprised at the groups that left in droves first.

It was my generation.

Sure there were the occasional blue hairs who probably had dinner plans and early bedtimes, but a great portion of them were actually people my age, leaving with their families.  Before Mass was over.  Way before Mass was over.

I know we all have the occasional conflicts with Mass, but I'm talking Mass exodus!  Do people know or understand what they are missing out on?  I'm thinking they don't.  There is a disconnect going on.  Our parents, and our parent's parents, went to church out of obligation.  I'm guessing many stopped asking the "why do we do this?" as each generation became less and less familiar with the "whys."  I know when I would ask, I would simply get a "because."

We've done a huge disservice to our people.  We could look at pretty much every single person involved to find blame, but why.... All we need to know is some how, some way, a disconnect occurred.  Church became unimportant for the simple fact that it was not understood.  It was old.  It was archaic.  The priests were old and didn't understand what life was like outside the four walls of Church.  (all of these things are things I truly believed in my own heart!)  People found joy, excitement, fun, outside the Church and suddenly before we knew it, Mass was important only on those days when nothing interfered with it that was more important, like sports, work, sleep, vacation, etc.

People don't know what they're missing out on.  I certainly didn't.  Nor did I care.  When I see these people at Mass, I don't get irritated, or mad, or angry.  I sincerely pray for them and ask God to please light that fire within them to want to seek out the truth for why they come.   To earnestly seek answers for the "why" and pray about what they struggle with believing.

One of the worst excuses for missing Mass I've ever heard is that "the church is just full of hypocrites, I can't stand to be in there with all of them...."  I agree.  To an extent.  Because  I'm one of those hypocrites.

Any time I yell at my kids, lie to a friend, gossip about someone behind their back, am lazy in my prayer life, complain about my "crazy" life, I am a hypocrite.  Any time I don't treat others the way I want to be treated?  I am a hypocrite.  Any time I don't love God above all else, taking His name in vain, swearing with His name, ignoring Him by not praying, only acknowledging Him when I NEED him when times are tough, or heaven forbid, unfair, I am a hypocrite.

Anyone who thinks Jesus Christ came to just be with the righteous, might want to re-read some of His parables.  He came to heal the sick.  Not just the physically ill sick, but ALL of the sick.  And sin is what the sickness is and I can assure anyone who tries to tell me that they've accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and their sins are all forgiven, that they.still.sin.

We all still sin.  I wake up every single day and pray to God that I'm going to try all over again to be good today....

That usually lasts about as long as I'm the only one in the house awake because as soon as any of my little minions wake up, I'm doing or saying something I usually regret after they go off to school.  I'm certainly not proud of my choices, but I am honest enough with myself to know that I preach how to be a good Christian and how we should live our lives, but I'll be the first to admit, I fail a lot.  Daily.  Hourly at times....

That's the beautiful thing about my faith.  I have these amazing Sacraments.  I can go to confession, receive those graces to keep fighting the good fight, and keep plugging away in this world that would rather I just toss my religion out the door and start 'doing for me' and 'living in the moment.'  I can go to Mass every single day and receive the Body and Blood of Jesus and pray for specific intentions at that very moment when Heaven and Earth come together and all those who have gone before us are there, celebrating with us the source and summit of our faith.

I would give anything to teach the women of our faith the beauty hidden within the four walls of our Church.   When I watched the families leaving sometimes before communion, I could see almost a sense of not belonging.  It's as though they are there, but not really there.  It's as though it's just another thing they "do" instead of something they have ownership in and with.  My heart was breaking in so many ways as they left and every chance I got to smile or say Hi as they left, I did it.

How do we reach those who feel they have nothing in common with our faith?  How do these beautiful women of God make that head to heart connection and begin to have the desire deep down inside to learn the "whys" and "hows" of the Catholic faith?

Well, in the grand scheme of things, we can do what we can.  We can continue to offer these amazing programs, books, CD's, and even doing what my girlfriends and I are doing and offering conferences and bringing in some of these amazing Catholic speakers, but ultimately?  We have to pray.  We have to pray, make sacrifices (I'm going to drink just one cup of joe today instead of four...), and continue to smile and say hi to all the people we see leaving with that same look.  The look that says they might want to learn something more, but maybe they're just afraid.  Or maybe their pride, like mine, is just a bit too much right now and they just won't.  Not until they're ready.  Or maybe, just maybe, our prayers will cause some of the blinders to be lifted and one of these beautiful women will decide, I want to know why we do this....

And for her, I'll be waiting.  Because I can't wait to tell her all about the amazing love story that is our faith....

Fat Tuesday....and other glutenous Ideas....

Today is Fat Tuesday.  Or in Catholicmomma world- the last day I eat like a king until Easter....(ok femmanuts-a queen....or perhaps I feel like a king and I want to be a king....)

Today is also known as Shrove Tuesday.  I'm not as familiar with that term minus the fact that it is derived from another word that means confession, which is super cool because really, during Lent, we should attempt to not only purge ourselves of some undesirable trait, but we should seek confession.  AND, depending on how difficult it is to purge ourselves, perhaps seek confession weekly....  We (despite what i have actually been told in the confessional by priests whom I will continue to pray for until the day I die) can NEVER attend the sacrament too often.  The graces we receive are what help us, enable us, to withstand the temptation to sin.  And sometimes?  We need LOTS of graces.  Can we ever have too much?

So today is Fat Tuesday.  Mardi Gras.  I was introduced to the King Cake during our stint in Little Rock.  I remember thinking, 'what the heck is a king cake?' when the teachers I worked with started  talking about getting one for our classes.  Little did I know, it would start a tradition in my own home that has been a part of our family for almost 20 years.

The idea behind the King Cake is that a baby Jesus is buried somewhere within the cake.

This picture shows a delicious king cake, BTW

yea, he might be kinda creepy looking here....

 But whoever gets the "baby Jesus" has to buy the King Cake the next year....(or at least, that's the tradition that was taught to me).  Of course, none of my kids can buy the King Cake, but it's still fun to do it....
Sadly, tho, the King Cake selection up in the snowy north, is not very palatable if you know what I mean.  (hey, I'm just sayin', they know how to make a good king cake down south....)

So that's the king cake.  Which I haven't gotten yet.  When I think about Lent this year, I think about all the silly things I've ever given up for it throughout the years of my life.  I also think about how right after Lent, I went back to consuming or doing whatever it was I gave up.  I'm not putting down anyone who gives up gum and decides to chew it Easter Sunday.

We all have to start somewhere.

And listen, I am going to be 43 in less than 3 weeks, so I'm just now realizing the depth of my "little" sacrifices!!

I want to go deeper this year.  I have a LOT of bad habits.  I mean a LOT.  Ok, nothing you would see me on the news for, relax, but I'm talking about those venial sins that add up.  Mortal sins, too.  Did you know, when you knowingly gossip about another person you are breaking the commandment 'though shall not kill?'  You are basically killing their spirit.  Not only that, most people, when we gossip, wouldn't DARE say what we were talking about to the actual person's face.  That's when you know it's bad.  Or at least we should know it's bad.

I'm very guilty of that.  I find I almost don't even realize it, until I've already allowed myself to enter the conversation. And then I feel like I can't stop and it just spirals.  I always say i'm going to not gossip, but BAM, I fall off the horse and it all starts again.  (Hey- that is the BEAUTY of confession- God loves us, He wants us to keep trying!!!!)

So this Lent, one of my horrible glutenous activities, gossip, is hopefully going to go by the wayside.  This way, after Lent is OVER, I can hopefully break that hideous habit!  I've read before that it takes 40 days to break a habit.  Well, technically speaking, Lent is a hair over 40 days, so what a perfect time to break a bad habit!!

My next rather super embarrassing, here goes nothing, don't judge me please, I'm a sinner just like you, habit is yelling.

. 

Honestly, I think one of my kids created this.... 

I am the WORST mother on earth when I yell.  I mean, that psycho mom in that cartoon right there?  Add some horns and perhaps make me even larger than life and voila, there's scary catholicmomma....

And don't I try everyday to not yell.  WOW.   Remember that old saying, 'be careful what you wish for?'   Well, let's turn it this way- 'Be careful what you pray for.'  I pray to be a good mom who doesn't yell at her children.  I pray this every single day.  Most days, I'm pretty good  about not yelling.  But those days, when I'm overtired, or we've over planned the day, or the baby didn't stop whining all day, or let's say, our super hero hubs has been gone for 10 days straight?  Those days?  Mommy monster comes out and it comes out blazing....

There I am....

Of course, when monster mommy comes out, and throws flames and darts all over the house, than guilty mommy comes out....

Yep...

So gossip and yelling are two nasty habits I'm going to try to conquer this Lent. I'm also going to try to be more present for my kids.  

I think it's so easy to get completely absorbed on our devices.  And since I began working on this awesome Catholic conference we're bringing up here to snowland, I find myself getting lost in emails and websites trying to get ideas for the conference or other items.  It leads to other sites, which leads to me basically forgetting why I even got on my device to begin with, but it takes away from my kids nonetheless.  It's important that they see that these things do not occupy my every single moment.  

Lent is such a great time.  It's actually one of my favorite times of the Church calendar.  I know that sounds crazy, but I actually look forward to meatless meals, stations of the cross on Fridays, small food sacrifices, and prayer.  

I hope we can all find something a bit deeper to sacrifice this Lenten season that perhaps will draw us even closer to our Lord and His ultimate sacrifice for us.  Enjoy your Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Carnival, or whatever else you might call today and let's get to work on our Lenten sacrifices bright and early tomorrow morning!!